when do boyfriends start?

[3duracellbunnies]

Just wondering as I know some children further up school talk about their boyfriend. I imagine they are just of the holding hands variety. There is one boy who she says keeps wanting to kiss her (thankfully he's not her type), is another boy who she has always been keen on, but don't think he is so keen. She wants to invite him to her party, but she is only having 4 or 5 guests (did big parties r+ yr 1 and he did come), he would be only boy and don't know he will want to paint fairy houses! I would rather she doesn't have boyfriends until at least 21 obviously, but in the real world at what stage do I need to start accomodating them?

How old is she?

I would say that the whole boyfriend thing can mean many different things, from infants playing kiss-chase in the playground to year sixes dumping each other on facebook - yes, honestly.

I had a "boyfriend" in year 5. Didn't really get interested in boys for real until I was 15 or so! He was a nice boy though :) It was all very innocent - we got teased a lot though. I don't know if anyone else our age had girl/boyfriends.

I was really distraught when he turned up at the same secondary school as me in year 7 with a new girlfriend! I think they're still together actually...

My girl's 13...and no sign of a male yet!

My eldest is 11, also no sign; the only boy she loves is Harry Potter.

DS1 had a "girlfriend" in Reception:)

He's in Year 3 now, and his best friend is a girl, who he loves to bits. All very sweet and innocent, but my DH tells me that he had actually started to "fancy" girls by the time he was in Juniors.

It will be her 7th birthday, and I really don't think we are in facebook realms, don't think she even knows it exists yet! I just don't think he is that bothered about her, she hasn't been to his parties, and I think it is different when it is a big party, I don't mind who she invites. I don't think she particularly plays with him (at her age my best friend was a boy and I played football with him all the time, and we probably did go to each other's parties); he has never been mentioned for play dates, but since reception she has had a soft spot for him. I just don't want it to be embarassing for him or her. Only other invite are for 4 girls in her class.

It doesn't sound if he is a boyfriend, or much of a friend to be honest - just a classmate that she likes. If she really wants to invite him, and the party is not going to be too girly, could you also invite one other boy, perhaps a friend of this particular boy.

I'd be surprised if they're even holding hands with their first boyfriends; from what I remember from my own childhood and from what dcs confirm those first "relationships" tend to be merely verbal and more about status in the class/a conversation piece than about the actual girl or boy.

Ds who is in Yr 7 told me the other day that he has been single for 2 weeks now. I fixed him with my best maternal stare and said "well I hope, during the weeks when you are not single, that nothing much happens" and he looked absolutely horrified at the thought of any actual physical contact with his latest flame. As far as ds is concerned (and his older sister at the same school confirms this) having a girlfriend means going around giggling in the corridors.

Dd at the same age told me she had been asked out by a boy in her class- but she wasn't immensely flattered as she was the third girl he had asked in the course of the same afternoon.

Even in Yr 10 (where dd is now) there doesn't seem to be much pressure to go further than kissing behind the lockers. Evidently some do go further but this is not something that is greatly admired by the rest. A bit like the girl who brought vodka into the school: she got sympathy, not admiration.

We had lots of "going out" at my children's junior school. Which didn't actually mean going out anywhere at all or seeing each other out of school. They just "went out" with each other. Generally for 3-4 days before they all swapped round. By the end of the year most of the boys had been out with most of the girls and were onto their second circuit.

Between 2-7 my dd was a little tart , and used to play the boys off each other, along the lines of I want x, will you do it, no okay i'm going off with your friend. And would reward them with a kiss on the cheek.

I was petrified what she was going to grow into!!!

Since the age of 7-now (15), does a lot of boy activities where she's the only girl, but has no interest in boys whatsoever in a relationship type, and will play matchmaker for friends, but wants none for herself.

Long may this last!!!