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Original poster

Nickname gone normal - suggestions please

28 replies

Usuwi · 31/10/2011 10:17

I wonder if anyone else has been in this situation. My DD is known only by a nickname, "Nonie" which I think is very babyish, not really something to carry through life, especially as it sounds, well, negative!

Her real name is Honora Coco Rose. We never use Honora at all, but we call her Nonie Coco Rose. I've often used Rose on official forms. Now at school, everything has Honora on it and they tried to teach her to write that. She can write okay anyway, but she insisted on writing Nonie. I was going to ask them to call her Rose, she's a sharp little cookie and has put in a bid for Coco.

DH and me spent half term agonising over "how did we get in this mess, oh yes, we know how, but what the heck do we do?" Has anyone dealt with similar situation and how, or are you a teacher who had to deal with this?

Part of the problem is my parents and their brothers and sisters none are known by the first of their given names, and most have a nickname and a real name, so I didn't see the mess I was going to get into.

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BedatHogwarts · 31/10/2011 10:29

I think it will be easier for everybody if you pick one of the names and start using it all the time, rather than having you, school, family, DD all using different names. It should definitely be your DD's choice as it's her name, so if it looks like she wants to be Coco, then go with that (loads of Roses around anyway, and Coco is such a cool name).

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 31/10/2011 19:13

Is it that you don't like the name 'Honora'? I would stick to her first name on official documents, eg. school, doctor, dentist. You have to put her proper name on passports/ driving licenses etc, don't you?

Most people have several names, but can you imagine the confusion if everybody decided to call themselves by a different name in different situations ? When she meets a new person she needs to say 'my name is Honora but my friends call me Nonie', or something to that effect.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 31/10/2011 19:14

Coco is a gorgeous name, but I'd be worried about her being teased (Coco the clown).

DeWe · 31/10/2011 19:33

Someone I knew at preschool had a friend called BJ, short for Baby John as he was called after his dad.
They thought they'd change it to Jonny at school, but, of course a lot of preschool friends moved up with him so the name continued. They decided to say it stood for "Big John". Last I heard of him he was at uni... still known as BJ.

Moral... don't start a name you don't want to continue.

madwomanintheattic · 31/10/2011 19:34

i think it's really common. lots of children have one 'full' name and are known by something else - most school info forms have a 'known as' space for you to write what you want the child to be, well, known as! what did you tell school when she started?

if you call her nonie, i don't understand why you don't want her using that name? especially if she insisted on writing it herself as her name? i don't see it as negative or babyish, at all. i'm not really sure why you use 'rose' in some instances, either, if it's not her name, OR what you call her...

schools are pretty used to kids being called something other than that on her birth cert though - i have two friends who went through school using their middle names, so they were (initial name surname) on documentation, but just (name) in the classroom.

i do know a woman who uses two names. it is very very very very odd. she goes by both helen and jane, depending on how you met (she uses different names for different things) and tbh it makes her look very slightly deranged. for about two years a mutual friend and i were unaware we were talking about the same person.

so i think you need to make a decision and stick to it, but tbh the decision should be to use the name you actually, well, use, and if that's nonie, then nonie it is. she can use honora for paperwork, but just be known by the diminutive form. it's not a biggie. let her write nonie on her schoolwork if that's what she wants.

jamdonut · 31/10/2011 19:38

Honora is a beautiful name... Very uncommon, and fits both a child and an adult.
But what is wrong with calling her Nonie amongst friends and family?

yellowraincoat · 31/10/2011 19:39

Why did you pick the name Honora if you never use it? Have you gone off it?

Just curious.

Original poster

Usuwi · 31/10/2011 21:35

Yellowraincoat, I didn't choose Honora, I had decided against it and was going for Coco. When she was born, I think I was clinically delirious, and my sister said oh, no, you can't call her Coco, what other names did you think of? The only one I could remember was Honora and I was so happy I registered her immediately. But I couldn't say it, I had the weird feeling that the hospital had named her, it's too grand. I wanted to go straight for the Rose option but DH was convinced as Honora is her first name we must use that, hence Nonie which is a traditional Irish diminutive for Honora.

DeWe you are so right. She'd prefer to stick with just Nonie.
MadWomanInTheAttic I am glad you don't see Nonie as babyish, because it seems fairly fixed now!
MyChildDoesn'tNeedSleep (Neither did mine, you have my sympathy, that's also part of the reason we got in this mess, I was so exhausted for the first three years I didn't know my own name, let alone my daughter's.) The first name on official documents is the big problem. I was counting on being able to call her Rose if all else failed, but the first name rule means that gives her 3 names - her nickname Nonie, her "official" first name Honora, and her formal first name Rose. Which sounds slightly deranged and would lead to all sorts of situations.

I think really I have to come to terms with Honora. Honora plus Nonie is the only sane way forward.

OP posts:

RaspberryLemonPavlova · 31/10/2011 22:07

My daughter uses a diminutive of her name. Although the diminutive is traditional most people don't realise that. School has always called her by the name she uses, and she learned fairly early on at dentists etc to say 'I'm usually called ***'. Even the doctors is able to distinguish between the 2.

She has just started secondary, and again it is really a non-issue.

seeker · 31/10/2011 23:08

If you want it to be definitely her name for life then for god's sake not Coco- that's not a name for an adult woman! Either stick to Nonie, which is obviously a diminutive or go for Rose.

LittlePushka · 31/10/2011 23:28

How rude seeker . Anyway Usuwi, what RasberrylemonPavlova said,...and then just ask school to call her by her "known as" name.

(I love all three of her names, by the way. Hope it resolves soon.)

BertieBotts · 31/10/2011 23:42

I quite like Nonie. I don't think it sounds negative (despite the "no" sound, I'm guessing?) or babyish. I know a little girl with the nickname Beenie, which is very cute, and I wonder whether she will grow out of it because IMO that does sound more like a little girl's nickname than an older girl or adult. But Nonie seems pretty age-neutral to me.

DP has two names that he uses. He uses one for official things and the other for friends & family. The official name is the same as his Dad's.

I also knew a boy at school called Bijay (Pronounced BJ) - even when we got to secondary school and the "other" meaning of BJ became evident he didn't seem to get teased for it. I think if they end up unfortunate enough to be teased it won't matter what they are called, and if they are fortunate enough to be "cool" enough to carry something off then it won't matter what they are called either.

Joyn · 31/10/2011 23:43

I wouldn't use her middle name if I were you. I was always called by my middle name & hated the fact I had to explain it all the time to people when they found out it wasn't my 'real' name, (why are you called that then? Why did they put your names that way round, when they wanted to call you by your middle name? Etc,) I even got people introducing me as xxxxx, but thats not her real name.

Also, as I was never called my first name (except at the doctors,) i never had any affinity to it & hated that MY passport was in the 'wrong' name. When I got older I swapped my names over by deed poll. Which is actually something you could look into if you really wanted to change her name to Rose or Coco (if you're really not happy with Honore you could swap the order or even drop it completely).

On rhe other hand, it might just be simpler to go for Nonie. A diminutive of a first name makes sense to people. My dd has decided she prefers the shortened version of her name so we put that in the known as section of the school form & as long as people can see that link they're not likely to tease. Besides I think Nonie is nice, it's good to be stand out from the crowd. Is it pronounced 'non-ee' or 'no-nee'?

sittinginthesun · 01/11/2011 08:12

I would stick with Nonie. I think you should go with the idea that her name is Honora, but she is known by the diminutive. After all, that is actually her name that she has always known, and her friends know her by.

GooseyLoosey · 01/11/2011 08:20

I too would stick with Nonie - it does not even sound that babyish to me. I was imagining what it would be like if a colleague in my city office told me that was their name. I don't think I would have a problem with it. However I might prejudge Coco.

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 01/11/2011 08:20

I had a lecturer called Nonie. Never knew what it was short for but it doesn't seem 'babyish' or negative to me, probably for that reason!

Earthymama · 01/11/2011 08:59

Do use Honora with Nonie as her 'name'.

My parents gave me two names, Earthy Mama, but I am 'known' as the second ie Mama rather than Earthy.

You always have to explain, always and it is very wearing.

Nonie is lovely, though I do like Coco Rose as a double name.

DejaWho · 01/11/2011 09:07

I went out with a bloke who was John Paul, known to his family as Paul, but on his first day at work he'd been too shy to say anything and they'd just started off calling him John and it had stuck. He reckoned it made life easier as if the phone went asking for John he could just get family to lie and say he wasn't in because it would only ever be work asking him to come in and do overtime.

More a triumph of luck over good judgement though!

Original poster

Usuwi · 01/11/2011 09:20

Thank you for all the replies, you are all making me feel a lot better.

Joyn, Nonie is pronounced No-nee. It's used for Honora, Nora etc as well as by itself it means Daisy.

OP posts:

Vintagepommery · 01/11/2011 11:48

I like Coco - or what about another shortening of Honoria like Honey or Honny?

My grandfather is known by 2 names, we the immediate family know him by 1 name but most of his xmas cards are addressed to the other name. Not sure which is the 'real' name or why he has 2.

AMumInScotland · 01/11/2011 12:01

If she's happy with being "Nonie" for now, then I can't see any reason for changing it. If she starts thinking its babyish when she gets older, she can pick something else then. But I don't think you need to worry at 4 whether she'll still be happy with it when she's an adult - she might or might not, who knows?

Sossiges · 01/11/2011 12:13

Nonie's a nice name, she's used to it, why change? Using alternative names is just confusing.

Northumberlandlass · 01/11/2011 12:40

I really like Nonie ! I would stick with that. Bless her, it must get confusing!

Northumberlandlass · 01/11/2011 12:42

I went to school with a girl called Sally. Although it turned out her real name was Sarah, her parents didn't want her offically to be called Sally because they thought it was a childs name. So, they named her Sarah and called her Sally.....as far as I know she is still known as Sally

pranma · 01/11/2011 16:49

I love Nonie it is so pretty and Honora is lovely for formal stuff when she is older.Honestly I'd stick with Nonie[easy to write too :)]

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