Behaviour in school.

[napluster]

DS started reception this term, and so far settling in well and seems happy enough. Or so I thought - yesterday teacher spoke to me at the end of the day and said that they had a problem with his attitude. She said he always has to have the last word and always responds to a request with a 'but...', 'just....' or 'first...'. Another teacher said to me last week that 'he has an answer for everything doesn't he'.
This is a problem we have with him at home and I can see that it will be disruptive and annoying in a class of 30. She said that he is a bright little boy, maybe to console me because I must have looked crestfallen, but even though I know he is as capable as any other child I fear that if he continues to be difficult to teach nobody will notice if he is bright or not. I fear that he is already labelled as 'trouble' so early and want to nip it in the bud.
Ideas for getting a very confident (too confident?) articulate defiant 4 year old boy to listen more and speak less?

Just wanted to add that she said that his behaviour is not 'nasty'. She also said that he has a poor concentration span but I know that at home he can sit and concentrate for long periods on stories and looking at mazes and puzzles.

I think that wanting to put forward his point in itself is not wrong at all, but he has to learn that there is a time and place for everything. So, in the class, he has to do what the teacher tells him. At home, if you tell him to do something he has to do it. Then there can be other times, where he gets the opportunity to put his points forward and enable him to have a discussion, for example, when having dinner.

Ultimately, it is about understanding different environments and when to respect authority. This does not mean that he has to always agree, it is fine if he doesn't agree, he can tell you if something happened at school and he disagreed with it at dinnertime. Hopefully, there are also opportunities at school for him to raise issues, for example in circle time (if they have circle time). It may be worth finding out from the teacher as this may help explaining what (and when) he can do and what he can't do.

There are several techniques the teacher will prob try. I'm sure she hasnt got a negative view of him- but if all 30 children did that it would be bedlam. We've used lolly sticks before- the child has 3 sticks for questions/comments and gives them one at a time when he wants to say something. When they've gone, that's it until next carpet time

I'm sure they will be doing circle time with a talking toy where you can't speak unless you are holding it

What techniques do you use at home?

Articulate children with a strong interest in the world around them, lots of questions and their own opinion to offer are often delightful to be around!

However, they do need to learn to respect the adults in school and not 'talk back'. I would suggest that you explain to him that, in school at least, when the adult is talking, he should not talk. Try to practise this at home. Perhaps show him how he can press his lips together to remind himself to just listen. Give him lots of praise if he manages to do this.

Explain the difference between 'conversation' and 'instructions' so that when the teacher asks him to do something he will understand that it is an instruction and does not need a verbal response.

It might be worth checking that the teacher is giving him a clear instruction such as 'Get a pencil and sit at your table' rather than 'I would like you to get a pencil and sit at your table'. It's a subtle difference but if he takes her instructions literally he might interpret that he has some choice!

Try to give him lots of opportunity to talk at appropriate times. Maybe get all his soft toys together at home and let him be the teacher and tell them all what to do.

If he answers back at home, instead of getting into a discussion about it, just say to him 'are you answering back?' This will help him to recognise when he is doing it.

HTH

Thank you for your replies. I have got him off to sleep now so have had time to read them properly. I think the role play idea with the teddies might be a good way to talk about the issues and help it to make sense for him.

I think I realised aswell that I am not always good at noticing when he is behaving like this at home, maybe I have got too used to him or get too ditracted myself but I think that I need to be more consistent in correcting him.

I'm quite an argumentative person myself so I think I make the mistake of getting drawn into his 'discussions' too often!