reception class divided nightmare

[Eliza08]

my dd is due to start school in september and as the school she will be at has an intake of 60 children from 2 preschools which are to be slpit into 2 classes. i have received a letter this week stating which class she will be in and not one of her friends is going to be with her. i have complained to the school which says the divison was done fairly and they will do nothing about it even though the parents of one of children in her class has made threats towards me and has victimised us both what makes it worse is that they live extremly close to us and i have wanted to move because of it. how can i makje the school see that she needs to be with her friends.

The problem is not that she needs to be with her friends - she absolutely doesn't.

The problem is that one of the parents has made threats towards you. If you tell school this they may be more prepared to discuss the problem with you.....

In my experience, children make new friends VERY fast at this age so I am sure she will be fine. Dd1 started reception half way through the year (in January) as we moved from overseas and she settled in very quickly and now has a great group of friends. You'll also probably find that the two classes do quite a lot together - reception can be very "fluid" she she will still see her friends, as well as at playtime.
In terms of the parent who has made threats towards you - it sounds horrible for you, but would it make any difference if your daughter was in the other class? You'll still see that parent at pick-up and drop-off whatever class the children are in.
It sounds like you are getting quite worked up about this - for your daughter's sake it's important she doesn't know about your fears as it's going to be a big step for her. Just make sure she's excited and looking forward to starting and perhaps see if you can set up a few playdates with some of the children from her class before September?

The school is unlikely to see that she needs to be with her friends, because she doesn't. Even if she wants it a lot. You should be making her see that she doesn't need to be with her friends.

Honestly, she will make new friends, and still see her old ones at playtime anyway.

Many kids start school not knowing anyone at all, she'll make friends really quickly, I think the school were right to stand their ground or they'd be forever moving kids around if they had a minor fall out (which kids do constantly!)

The parent threating you personally is a seperate issue, but as stranded says, you'll unfortunately see them anyway no matter which class she's in

have you told the school about the threats?

The school needs to know about the threats. They can then keep an eye on things and act appropriately if need be.

yes i have told the school and as there are 8 children who want to swap classes the head wont swap my dd but he said he wil keep an eye on the situation which doesnt really help us. The other class has different start and finish times so i would never have to see the other parent at school. i cannot however arrange playdates as the only other child that i know who will be in her class is someone we dont wish to associate with as her mother is stoned 7 days a week and the school would not give me an idea as to who else would be in her class.

And breathe.......Eliza my DS1 started reception knowing no one and made some great little buddies in the first few weeks. As to playdates, only just started doing these towards the end of Yr 1 ! I think your problem with this other mother is a genuine concern but the rest just sounds to me like the normal nerves of a reception parent. We all want our kids to get on make friends and enjoy school but we can't do it for them...just try to relax and see how things go ;) x

Totally understand your anxiety re the threats. I suppose the Head meant he/she would move your child if there were further threats? I would maybe clarify that with the school, or just mention it again as something that is still worrying you.
I have to say, our school does try and make sure at least ONE friend is in the same group with each child - but its very hard to please everyone, impossible in fact. My dd1 started Reception knowing no one and was fine within a week - but there were one or two of her little friends who had nursery friends in the other class, and when they stayed miserable, the school eventually moved them. They won't move kids over parents' anxieties, but they will move kids in response to kids' unhappiness - iyswim.
Re the little girl with the addict mother, I wouldn't write her off....she may have some issues as a result of her parenting, but she isn't the one taking drugs.
Does anyone else you know know other children in your dd's class? Could they arrange an intro for you? Can the school help by organizing a pre-starting reception picnic at the end of August? Ours does - only started doing it last year, works really well.

If the parent threatens you on school grounds, the headteacher has the right to ban the parent from the school grounds. Make sure that if she does do this, you tell the headteacher immediately and make a formal complaint.

As others have said, she doesn't need to be with her friends, it's more that you want her to be with them. Two different things.
She'll be fine! And so will you be. Children's friendships are so fluid at this age anyway. She'll have 6 new best friends by the end of the first week.