WWYD? Commute to Work or not?

[ConfusedMummy07]

Hi I am hoping to get some perspective from the MNet wisdom bank!

I am a single mum whose DS will be starting reception in September. I have just about got the childcare covered with breakfast and after school clubs and will be working about 10-15 mins drive from the school. We also live very close to the school.

Now the reality of my DS starting school has set in, I?m seriously considering relocating 30 miles north to be closer to my parents & family. If we do relocate, my DS will still attend the breakfast & afterschool club but because I will be commuting to work I need to allow 1hr for my journey, hence reducing my working hours at work. Also, due to increased use of petrol and reduction in my working hours I will be around £500 worse off per month. This will be manageable if we cut out the luxuries and I will have to live & cope on an extremely reduced budget.

I guess what I am asking is, will you put up with the commute & reduced income to be live closer to your family or would you stay in an area where you have no family or close friends around you? My worry is if we stay where we are I have no one to fall back on in terms of childcare for sickness, inset days, my DS not seeing my family etc. But if I moved, my parents & family will fall over backward in trying to help me out.

In both scenarios I will be picking up my son from school (i.e. at 3pm) 3 days a week.

Looking forward to your responses!

I am a bit confused - will your son still be attending the original school or will he attend a new school and still do the breakfast club etc??

I'm also wondering why you have spent 5 years living somewhere with no close friends or family! However, personally if I was in your position I think I would definitely want to be with my family. I'm a long way from mine (and from the PILS) and it is really hard when you have no back-up. Can you downsize your accommodation so you are not so hard-up?

Just a short reply as I am on my phone. I would think very hard about the commute. I commute everyday to work 1.25 out and 1.45 back on a good day. I am mostly shattered as most spare time is spent cleaning, doing laundry, cooking and freezing meals for the week and food shopping etc. I am lucky that dh is at home a majority of the time to do nursery and soon to be school runs. I am out of the house for a minimum of 12 hours a day but i can not imagine doing it as a single parent. Factor in when the trains etc go wrong and they do your journey will be much long. I would imagine quality time with you dc would decrease. I know you say your potential move is motivated because your would like to have more friends in the area but I would imagine you may start to make friends with other parents once your dc starts school.

I only commute so far as we need the money and local jobs just wouldnt pay the same. At the end of the day you will be able to decide what is best for you and your dc but commuting is not easy.

Good luck with your decision.

chopchop has a good point about making friends actually - even if you are not at the school gates everyday you will soon make new friends, especially when the party invites start! And the commute - DH in theory has a 30minute train journey but this week has been bad (hot weather warping the tracks or somesuch!!) so he hasn't seen much of the DCs. Plus, work has an annoying habit of arranging late meetings/training days etc that require early/late starts.

SuburbanDream
My DS will have to attend a new school if I make the move to be closer to my parents. Also, I haven't lived in my current area for 5 years - where did that come from?

I will be commuting via my car - so no horrible railway strikes etc but still a 30 mile journey.

Also, I'm very much dictated by the opening of breakfast/afterschool clubs and will have to maybe change my position at work to factor in my reduced committment for overseas assignment etc (currently have an au pair but will not be able to afford to keep her once the divorce is finalised).

Pressed send before finishing my post..... I just wanted to say thanks very much for all of your replies.

Sorry not to have replied before - ConfusedMummy, my mistake, I just assumed (wrongly, obv!) that you must have been living in the same place since your DS was little, ie almost 5 years. If you are driving you will be saved some of the horrors of public transport at least (although the 3 miles I have to drive the DCs to school can take between 10 minutes and 30 some days!!). Hope you find a solution that works well for you

I wouldn't move and face that commute every day. Or lose that sort of money.

1 hour away from your family is still close enough for them to step in and help with inset days, days off sick etc....isn't it?

My inlaws live 1 hour away and if we are really in need (try not to ask them very often) they will make the 1 hour journey and they're nearly 80 years old! (and not in great health either!).

Thanks for your reply ladies. I'm still non the wiser regarding what's the best solution.
I have currently accepted the infant school place offered at my local school. I'm hoping that things will work out for the best..... I?m naively optimistic as ever!