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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Sports Day for very very nervous child - WWYD?

32 replies

PorkChopSter · 27/06/2011 14:20

My DD (5) can be very fragile in situations where attention is focused on her. During dentist/GP appointments she will scream and hide under furniture, attempts to run out of the room, attacks whoever is trying to calm her down etc. She's been much the same when making her Rainbow promise or doing nursery sports days. However, she had no trouble doing school nativity or her class assembly - it seems fairly unpredictable but is extreme when it happens.

I was warned by her TA that she is refusing to practice for Sports Day and is starting to get wound up by the idea. Could I build her up and tell her it's not about winning. Well yes, I could... I've already sat her and DS down and promised them all manner of reward if they can just start and finish their races without crying but it's not making an impression. Tbh when she's in one of these moods, nothing gets through

I can't take her out of school because I want to watch DS. The TA said she wouldn't be allowed to sit it out with me.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mogmum · 27/06/2011 14:48

Hi,
Is there a chance that she could sit with the teacher and watch the others doing their races and maybe if she then decides she wants to join in then she could?

Hope this helps

rebl · 27/06/2011 14:56

I would be surprised if they forced her to do it. She'll have to sit there with all the others but really, at my dd's sports day a few reception children just sat and watched. They were given gentle encouragment to participate but none were forced or made to cry.

EttiKetti · 27/06/2011 14:58

Why can she not sit it out, there is a little girl similar in my DSs Yr1 class and she did about half the activities (barely recognisable as sports tbh :o ) and the rest just sat with the others waiting their turn, it was no big deal, I only noticed as I waas chatting with her mum. It seems a bit harsh not to let her sit with her classmates in her PE gear and cheer them on tbh.

going · 27/06/2011 15:00

My dd1 claims she hates sports day. In year 3 she burst out crying djust before one of the races as she had had enough. SHe sat with me for the rest of the sports day. it was totally out of character and suprised her teacher, sitting with me was not a problem at all.

IndigoBell · 27/06/2011 15:01

It's not necessarily a bad thing if she has such an extreme reaction in school.

It will allow school to see what the problem is, and to work with you to try and help her.

If the TA has already flagged up a problem I'd be asking the teacher what school are going to be doing about it.

I personally wouldn't be happy with her sitting out sports day......... Unless you had some clearly defined strategy for working on this problem so that next year she could participate in full.

harecare · 27/06/2011 15:05

Can the teacher think up a special sort of non competitive/non centre of attention game that she can take part in and sit out the rest? There was a thing on radio 4 this morning about how some kids can be put off sport for life by the badly handled competitive nature of school sports.
It really is up to the teacher to be clever about inclusion.

mrsravelstein · 27/06/2011 15:09

well if you want her not to have to do it, and the school won't help, just ring the school to say she is ill on the day, then she can come along and watch your ds too. it's hardly going to impact on her education if she misses a sports day. i've let ds1 miss several 'dance displays' and school plays when he was little as he absolutely hated that kind of thing and was painfully shy. he's 10 now and just grew out of the self consciousness.

Original poster

PorkChopSter · 27/06/2011 16:22

Looks like she'll be crying over one side of the field and I'll be on the other then. It's only two races, one running and one obstacle/novelty one, it's not particularly competitive, it's more that People Will Stare. The fact people will stare more if she is screaming at the top of her voice and throwing herself over the fence misses her entirely 3).

I listened to Women's Hour this morning harecare in the hope they would have the answer

OP posts:

pepperrabbit · 27/06/2011 16:30

I was that child! I absolutely hated being the centre of attention, team games even parties were the stuff of nightmares when I was little. I would still rather cut off my right arm than have to do a "fun" sports day.
I spent many happy years "helping" the teachers, holding clipboards, handing out stickers/badges, collecting tennis balls etc on Sports Day.
TBH it hasn't scarred me as an adult, I'm perfectly sociable and even do amateur dramatics (as long as I don't have to sing on my own..)
It made me so much happier to be allowed to help rather than join in.

bubblecoral · 27/06/2011 16:33

I would encourage her to do it, but if she has a meltdown, the school will probably let her come to you simply because they will be busy running the day and will be unable to give her one on one attention just because she is having a tantrum.

Elibean · 27/06/2011 17:00

dd1 was a lot like that aged 5, much more resilient now in Y2 (though still loathes sports day 'because I never win' - she isn't the best on sporty stuff!).

I agree with the others - I'd play the whole thing down as much as possible, and let school handle it. Just be there ready to step in and cuddle if needed

Original poster

PorkChopSter · 27/06/2011 19:25

Don't remind me about pass the parcel pepperrabbit The helper idea is great.
I'm not sure that they will let her sit with me, last year DS lost it in front of me & was pulled away. And I can't sit with her as will have younger DC with me.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 27/06/2011 19:30

Is she identified as having SEN? If she is statemented you might have some hope of them doing something differently to meet her needs.

You mention your DS "lost it" infront of you and had to be pulled away last year. Is Sports Day an issue for the whole family?

swash · 27/06/2011 22:02

My DD is similar. She cried at sports day when she was in reception and had to come and sit with me (she did go back though after lots of cuddles). In Y1, she cried but was comforted by the teacher... this year I am hoping she will get through without tears. She's more robust but has already planned to 'fall over the day before Sports Day so I don't have to do it'!

I always pretended to be sick so that I didn't have to do PE in school so I am sympathetic but haven't given her the day off because I don't want to encourage her in thinking it is some terrible thing.

She will probably cry on the day and be have to be with you like bubble says. Gentle encouragement to join in is helpful, but it doesn't matter that much if she doesn't.

HumphreyCobbler · 27/06/2011 22:08

the thing is, if one child goes to sit with their mother then all the rest want to as well and total anarchy ensues - ime anyway

no child in my class would ever be made to participate if they did not want to. Gentle encouragement to join in only, and if that didn't work then they are allowed to sit it out with the other children. Or I have to endure the horror that is running WITH them....

UniS · 27/06/2011 23:03

WWID?
Not make her practise for sports day. Not talk about sports day, not make a fuss and promise anything by way of rewards. Take the pressure off the kid.
Let her get on with sports day as part of her class and let Teacher and TA deal with the melt down in their own way IF it happens. It didn't happen for nativity.

seeker · 27/06/2011 23:07

I would remove my child from a school where a 5 year old was forced to take part in sports day against her will.

fairydoll · 28/06/2011 20:42

seeker- what about the other end of the spectrum where you have a Y5 or Y6 girl, not very sport, and doesn't want to be humiliated compete in public? As a teacher i would be interested in your take?

fairydoll · 28/06/2011 20:43

That is you as a teacher, not me. I'm not one

Lara2 · 28/06/2011 21:04

My DS2 who has since been diagnosed with AS totally hated sports day in primary school - just couldn't cope. They were fab and always found a 'job' for him to do - he particularly enjoyed being the photographer one year.

bigTillyMint · 28/06/2011 21:38

Do any schools humiliate children who don't win the races?????? Or allow the children to humiliate the ones who don't win who are in the vast majority as only 3 get 1st, 2nd or 3rd.

Even when I was at school 40 years ago, and never ever won any races, I never felt humiliated. Just pleased for my bf's who were twins and won everything

Elibean · 28/06/2011 21:43

Have just come downstairs from huge cuddle and listening session with dd who burst into tears after asking 'when is Sports Day?' whilst brushing her teeth.

Seems she's not so much more resilient after all...though she's fine with taking part in the team games that run all day long (mixed teams of different ages, big ones help little ones). Its the big running race at the end that everyone takes part in that she loathes - she just told me she spends the whole time feeling sick and dreading falling over . Just like the OPs dd, she also hates being watched by the crowd.

I told her I'd talk to her teacher about it, and the PE teacher, and dh, and we'd sort out a way for her not to feel like that: be it not take part in the race, or find a strategy that works for her. Either way, she is not to sit feeling sick with nerves for a whole afternoon like that; she was immensely relieved.

Sigh.

Elibean · 28/06/2011 21:45

I doubt it, Tilly - but as dd just explained to me, its just being watched by a crowd whilst doing something she hates doing that makes her feel that way. Not losing per se, or anything anyone else does or says.

She did used to fall over a lot as a little one, and still isn't hugely confident at high speed!

seeker · 28/06/2011 22:15

fairydoll, I'm not a teacher either. But my feeling is tha there is a big difference between a reception child, just starting out at school and a year 5 or 6 child who should by then have learned that there are sometimes things in life that we don't enjoy but just have to get on with.

pepperrabbit · 28/06/2011 22:16

elibean, that's exactly it. Being forced to do something you absolutely hate, and are probably not very good at, in front of everyone - not just your class, but your parents and everyone elses parents. It can be overwhelming, completely out of proportion to the emotion everyone else seems to have about it. People who can just enjoy it.
Nothing whatsoever about what people might say after the event. After the event you are just soo sooo glad the dreadful experience is over (and of course it is never quite as bad as your imagination has built it up to be) that you couldn't give a hoot what people say.

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