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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Bother- "can I have a word?" moment

20 replies

Lookandlearn · 06/04/2011 16:33

Was called over to talk about a behaviour incident today. Had already heard about it from dd, 5, and sounded fair punishment for the crime. I am only sharing it here because I have no intention of actually questioning it but just feel frustrated. I just felt today that dd was a bit harshly treated and not properly listened to and it got my maternal juices flowing. Have not shared this with dd and gave supported teacher but it smarted to have to do it because I thought that actually was six of one and half a dozen of the other with five year olds at the end of a long term. And wasn't approached particularly discreetly either. Grrrr. But generally pleased with school.

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solo · 06/04/2011 16:39

Not sure what you are saying here...

reallytired · 06/04/2011 16:39

Precious first born alert!!!!

FABsBackAndIsWell · 06/04/2011 16:43

If you felt it was a fair punishment why are you frustrated?

Better a teacher talks to you now than you know nothing and get threatening calls from a mother.

Original poster

Lookandlearn · 06/04/2011 16:48

I know-was probably just first experience and I'll harden up. What I'm trying, badly, to say is that I was upset by the whole thing but didn't want to show it and that I accept that dd had done wrong. Ie it was a fairish cop but I'm not used to it and felt very small at the end of it. And felt a bit of an overreaction but had to support the school. And didn't want to cry in front of teacher or other parents. Oh, god I don't know, it just felt rubbish.

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Goblinchild · 06/04/2011 17:10

Good grief. Your daughter was naughty and you were almost in tears?
What chance has the teacher got of trying to help your DD develop social skills if you are going to weep when informed of slight infringements of the school code?
How harsh was the teacher to your precious?

Original poster

Lookandlearn · 06/04/2011 17:25

Okay, if this was Aibu, I would now know where I stood! The embarrassment I felt and the support I gave the school I think shows that dd will develop social skills. I would never question the school's judgement in earshot of dd but I can't see how you get through a whole school career without sometimes feeling a bit aggrieved. Very different from communicating this to dc and To antivenin RL except dp. Sorry - obviously been precious about this. It is important to me that dc behave well and so feels upsetting when they haven't. I'll toughen up i'm sure.

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solo · 06/04/2011 17:26

When my Ds was in reception, he was apparently 'play fighting' like ninja turtles, no physical contact etc, just playing. I got called in to 'have a word' and was told that there is no such thing as play fighting, you were either playing or fighting . A bit extreme I thought, but her class, her rules so I accepted it and backed her up by giving Ds a gentle punishment so that he would remember he wasn't allowed to play fight at school. I didn't get upset about it though.

SilkStalkings · 06/04/2011 17:28

Don't worry, that kind of thing can take your right back to being 5 yourself the first time. You won't feel like it again, unless next time you feel DD was totally in the right of course.

solo · 06/04/2011 17:28

:) you'll be fine lookandlearn :)

theyoungvisiter · 06/04/2011 17:30

gosh I think you're getting a hard time lookandlearn - it's not a crime to be upset because your child has been pulled up for something! I would have been upset too - not upset WITH the school, just upset with the situation.

SilkStalkings · 06/04/2011 17:30

Plus the teachers just get younger and younger until you feel like you are their mum and automatically tune out to their childish prattle.

theyoungvisiter · 06/04/2011 17:32

"It is important to me that dc behave well and so feels upsetting when they haven't."

Completely sympathise with this. I think it entirely depends on your personality - I absolutely detest being told off (especially when I'm in the wrong) and consequently I was absolutely immaculately behaved as a child, now I'm projecting that hatred of being ticked off onto my DC

theyoungvisiter · 06/04/2011 17:33

Silkstalkings that is so true - there is a teacher at DS's school who cannot, cannot be more than 21 or 22. She must be fresh out of uni, I swear. I feel like patting her on the head every time I go past.

Original poster

Lookandlearn · 06/04/2011 17:43

I should mention that part of the embarrassment and desire to support the school springs from actually being a teacher! . Dd is lovely but this is not a huge surprise as she wears heart on sleeve and rushes headlong into things. What would surprise me would be if she got hauled up for snide, nasty behaviour. Will eat ice cream this evening and listen to the reality checks and tlc-both very useful!

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saintfranksdisco · 06/04/2011 17:46

I sympathise lookandlearn and understand what you're getting at. I find these situations (ground swallow me up) awkward but I wouldn't worry about the other parents. They're probably just thinking thank heavens it's not my kid this time!

cory · 06/04/2011 18:21

of course you can be supportive of the school and feel a bit upset at the same time, these occasions are trying

Original poster

Lookandlearn · 06/04/2011 18:50

Lookand learn drinks gratefully!

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blackeyedsusan · 06/04/2011 23:43

don't worry, they all do something at some point. it is a terrible feeling to know that your little dd has done something to deserve being told off.... some punishments can be a little harsh. (some children only need a look to dissolve into tears at 5, others need a really good telling off to get the message more difficult to manage when 2 are involved. )

you probably feel worse though because it is unusual for dd to be told off at school. i feel terrible when dd gets told off (usually for minor though extremely annoying and probably repeated things) even though i know she shouldn't be allowed to get away with stuff. i have a sneaky suspicion that when ds starts school i will be having a liitle word on a regular basis.

i do think teachers should be more discrete, though it is difficult with parents milling around...

bimbodimbo · 09/04/2011 21:40

My ds is 8 - I have been called in "for a quick word" countless times and its very upsetting. Its hard because he is really good at home but seems to turn into Dennis the Menace at school :(

samels001 · 10/04/2011 21:05

Hi, I'm always being called for a quick word. I feel the same as you on many occasions but to be very fair to the teachers and other staff - they can only really comment on what they can see. They cannot take one childs word against another. Like you I support the school and its staff - I'm sure in 99% of cases they really are doing their very best to be fair. It just doesn't always FEEL that way!

Hope next term starts better!

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