deferring entry/part time attendance in private schools

[allag]

dear all
have been reading the thread on deferring with interest but it mostly seems to discuss state schools. Has anyone considered doing this, or done this, in a private school? my DD will be 4.5 in Sept but tired after three mornings a week at nursery, still needs her afternoon nap and has will have not been to nursery for months before starting reception because she's had glandular fever. i also fear that it might be too much for her, starting full time, and wondering if anyone has got any experience, can advise on this in the context of private schools. Thank you.

Ds's said he could do part time. He was 4.2 when he started. We chose not to and he went full time from the off. I'm not aware of any in his year who did do part time. The structure was learning in the morning and playing in the afternoon as they expected them to be tired.

Thank you. Perhaps i should chat to them at some point just to get a heads up. i am aware it's a few months yet but all this talk about just how tired they are is making me very worried - my DD seems tireder than most.

It's not uncommon at private schools and it can work well, but there are some drawbacks too: if a child switches back into the state system at any time they may have to miss a year of schooling and they may be excluded from some sports tournaments because they are too old for example. Your dd doesn't have a borderline birthday, so she may find long term she would be better off in the correct year as the effects of her illness won't last for ever and the school ought be able to make accomodations for her (particularly as her problems are illness induced) in her correct year I would think.

thanks snorkie - it does make a lot of sense. the illness exacerbated things but even when perfectly healthy, she has needed a nap during the day and seemed fairly tired after a morning at nursery prior to getting GF (i think partly it is because she never got a chance to adjust to it, as ever since she started she has been picking up bugs one after another). I will see how she is and we'll think about it. DH thinks we should just start as normal and then watch her - perhaps that is sensible. And the schools seems very accommodating so far so hopefullly they will help.

I would try (illness permitting) to try and get her to stop napping in the afternoon and just put her to bed early during the next few months. Her body clock is used to napping and you will be doing her a favour to get her out of the habit.

Find out what the schools set up is. the private school my ds went to in reception had 1 hour 15 mins lunch break where the kids where encouraged to relax for part of it (they had shadey areas for example in the summer) and as a result he coped fantastically fine with the full days. My dd3 whom started full time reception in state school with 30 mins lunch break was exhausted the first year *and november birthday so almost 5 when she went in

thanks all. all very helpful. she does go through phases of going without naps but then seems to revert back - but she has been sick quite a lot, even prior to the GF. I will find out about the structure of the day in the school, too.

You say your daughter has been picking up a succession of bugs and has been rather poorly overall, in addition to the glandular fever and the fact that she's a tired child in general. Maybe she needs a really good long rest away from all the germs to get her general health up to scratch. To drop her into a tiring environment where lots of bugs are going round, when she hasn't yet bounced back, seems a risky plan.

What about home educating her for a year and then starting her at school either in Reception or Y1 according to how mature she seems at that time? If the school doesn't offer that option and insists she must go into Y1 then she should still be OK as long as you've covered the basics with her at home before she starts. (That takes very little time on a daily basis, with one-to-one attention, so learning at home won't tire her out.)

Or is there an issue of her maybe not getting a place at this school if you wait another year - how full is the school?

i agree, Saracen. This is why i have been thinking about this stuff in the first place - there is nothing systematically wrong with her, and she has alwasy been very healthy but even since she moved to a larger setting to morning classes at nursery, she seems ot have been constantly sick - since about October, one bug after another ending in glandular fever. I don't want to overreact as prior to that, and now when she is well, she IS very healthy and full of energy and very bright. Now that she seems basically over the GF she is bouncing. But i am pretty sure as soon as i take her to a place full of germs, as you say, she will pick somethign up instantly. i have been very worried about her immune system and we have had very comprehensive bloodtests done which show no problems apart from an iron deficiency - it is very difficult to have her eat meat but have now been prescribed supplements. i THINK being a year older than everyone in Reception might be boring for her but with Y1, i would be worried about her missing out on all the friendships, etc. That said, health is more important. I think i probably ought to talk to the school - i am not sure whether we should even start as normal and just watch her closely or whether we should decide to home ed for a year in advance as you suggest.
The school is very full - we were lucky to get a last minute assessment after someone dropped out - it only has 20 in Reception. And obviously we have committed the deposit. But I am sure it is worth talking to them to see what they suggest as they pride themselve on beign a nurturing place and having great pastoral care.

I hope it goes well when you talk to the school: it's still a long way until September! All children are tired when they start reception (at whatever school) - I remember being frankly disbelieving of this (children had been doing long days at nursery), but it happened to all of them. A good talk through how they deal with shattered little ones in the afternoon may ease a number of your concerns.

BTW, if you've paid the deposit, then you've probably bound yourself to the full price (for the first term, at least).

Thank you. THe full price wouldn't stop me, of course - it's not that we have money to waste (far from it!!!) but obviously DD is the important thing. i do hope it will help, talking to them - have been wondering if it is too early to do it now (after the easter hols) but i guess not.

Try talking to them in the middle of next term - no-one will be there over the summer break and you can't sort it out on the hoof in September. Avoid the start and end of term for this (they'll be busy with other stuff).

A good school should take the time to talk through your concerns (you won't be the only parent to have them), and find out what they think will work. They may come up with other options (mornings only for the first few weeks, or good arrangements for an after lunch nap/quiet time). It's in their interests, as well as yours and hers to find a way to get a positive start to her school experience.

One thing for you to remember, whenever she starts and on whatever length day, is to take snacks for after pick up - tired and hungry can easily lead to toxic, and at least you can alleviate one of them.

And try not to worry too much (hard, I know), but stamina will build up quite quickly, and she will be nearly 6 months older by September and will probably like the whole experience even if she's a bit overwhelmed at first!

Thank you Meditrina - very helpful post. I have been worried about calling them but i am glad noone seems to think i am being ridiculous to talk about this in advance with the school. I'd rather give them a heads up and talk through the options. The snack point seems to come up often - I will make sure I am ready with those. :). I also hope that after the summer she will be more robust but would like to make sure we have every chance of getting it right and giving her a good start. Thanks all for your advice

that is wonderful smallwhitecat - i am not sure not all schools would be this way - sounds like you are very lucky. and it sounds like a great plan. i hope he has a flying start. the closer September gets (still a few months, i know, but still....) the more anxious i get for all sorts of reasons (she is my first baby and it just feels like such a big thing......) and i hope i find the right solution for her like you seem to have done.

dd went at just 4. We were told we could take her out if needed but afternoons were spent doing less taxing activities such as pe and dance and taking in a toy to show and play with. It never was an issue.

There are a couple of children in dd's reception class who are doing half days and then will be repeating the year. I think most good schools should do this. There is such a wide spectrum of age and readiness at this stage.

Hi Trice, sorry to hijack thread but is your DD school private sector or state? What country are you in ? It would suit my DS perfectly to retake the reception year but his school would not countanance it at all. A very good school in many ways, just not this!

OP - are you aware now that you can start DURING the reception year in state system in England if that was your primary issue with state system. That is due to a handful of mostly parents who fought some of the ridiculous recommendations in the Rose review.

DS2 did four days a week for the first term when he started reception, he had Fridays off which worked really well. He was actually one of the older children in the year but had huge separation anxiety and the school felt it was a sensible choice for him. The school was rather alternative as well as private though so they were possibly more flexible than most.

private samels001. It is a really good idea, some children just need a little more time.