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Original poster

DC and school trip..Am worried..

34 replies

polarfox · 11/02/2011 22:39

DC will be going on school trip for week..Its 2 hours away so not very far, she is excited and wants to go (she's liable to change her mind, being a girl Wink).

I know I have to let her go, I will and she will regret it if we don't go for it, but..I dont know..am worried..

Tell me it's ok and am being stupid!

She's not independent really, she's a dramatic, immature little baby.

She's never been away from me , not even had a sleep over, as not ready yet!

What's parents/teachers experiencec of these?
Need to put my mind at rest..

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Northernlurker · 11/02/2011 22:51

She needs to go on this sort of thing in order to develop her independance! The teachers will be very, very careful. In the nicest possible way - get a grip!

Changeisagoodthing · 11/02/2011 22:56

In my experience it is the parents who are not ready - the children are.

She will only change her mind if you put her off or if she thinks that by saying that she doesn't want to go she is pleasing you.

She will also back and say the she missed you ( true) and that she cried/was unhappy ( not true but being said to please you )

Time for someone to grow up and be a big girl (and it's not your daughter)

Goblinchild · 11/02/2011 22:56

How old is she?
I've never had a child who has been on the school trip and not enjoyed the experience afterwards, whatever the collywobbles before hand. She will be cared for and looked after and they will contact you if she's not OK.
Trust and enjoy.

Original poster
polarfox · 11/02/2011 22:59

Thanks - I know that you guys are right..

I needed somebody to put me right- she is my PFB, I promise I wont't be such a wimp for my other DCs when the time comes Grin

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Original poster
polarfox · 11/02/2011 23:23

Goblin she is10, but has no sense of danger which makes me worry though I do trust the teachers and I know they are experienced... Thanks

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madwomanintheattic · 11/02/2011 23:25

10? Grin
get her to guides and off camping for a week as well.
tis time.

stoatsrevenge · 11/02/2011 23:30

How can she have got to 10 without having a school trip? Shock

GrimmaTheNome · 11/02/2011 23:30

When my DD was this age and did her first school residential trip she'd only been on one sleepover (best friends, t'other side of road) ... she was absolutely fine, loved it, didn't stop talking about it till - well, till the same trip repeated in yr6 actually!

She'll presumably be with a bunch of her friends? Oh, and if she normally takes a cuddly animal or two to bed, they need to go on the trip too.

Goblinchild · 11/02/2011 23:33

They will know, I've done residentials and they are shattering for the staff. Grin
The dramatic and immature ones are often the ones who benefit the most from this sort of trip.

stoatsrevenge · 11/02/2011 23:41

Oh sorry - residential!
I've taken Y4s away before, ranging from the independent to the clingon, and they have all had a great time. They were about 2 hours from home too.

She'll love it!

everlong · 12/02/2011 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeenBeta · 12/02/2011 08:14

She'll be just fine. Grin

DS1 was 9 when he went away on a PGL trip and he really is a PFB. As DW says, the world is not ready for him and he is not ready for the world. Nor will he be allowed to walk to school until he is 16 or have a girlfriend until 18 and even she will have to be vetted carefully.

It turns out DS1 was the only boy who had shower on the entire trip, was quite sensible and independent and most importantly had a great time.

Original poster
polarfox · 12/02/2011 09:10

Fell much better..

madwoman I have tried getting her to join guides, but she didnt want to .
And I have said yes to sleepovers but she said no.
Thats partly what worries me..At her age I would have jumped at the chance- you're right!

Thing is she looks happy-go-lucky and on the surface she is.. But she is actually only been with me 4 years (Long term Fosterchild you see..) and she is my PFB as I see it, though strictly speaking I guess she is actually just my PF Sad; my other fosterlings are much younger..
So I guess I worry more for her than I would for a birth child, as she has , for all her fab progress, still ingrained insecurities as all lookafter children do; and I have all sorts of insencurities too as I don't have the knowledge of how other 10 year-olds with no baggage cope..

Goblin I think we'll both benefot rom that trip {wink]

Beenbeta I can see my parenting will be very similar to yours {wink].

I shall pay the deposit much happier now..

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LadyLapsang · 12/02/2011 12:10

They need roots but they need wings too - if you keep their wings clipped they will never fly!

Just think, in eight years she could be 600 miles away (or further) at uni.

My DS was going on school trips abroad at a younger age. Think less of the 'because she's a girl' comments would probably help too.

Hope she has a great time.

Original poster
polarfox · 12/02/2011 13:06

Thanks lady

You put it very well, ,,

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IShallWearMidnight · 12/02/2011 13:35

one child came home early from DD2s Y6 residential, mainly because she'd had her mother telling her for months that she had to be really brave being away for 4 nights because it was such a long time to be away from home for, and although mummy would miss her so much, she was sure she'd manage to have some fun. Poor child was so worked up that she lasted half the first night, then had to be collected.

OP, presumably the school know that your DD has insecurities, and will be on the look out for her (more so than with the other DC). Hide a couple of notes in her luggage for her to find thoughout the trip, or "contraband" if it's allowed. And phone calls home make things worse apparently (generally DC are able made to send a postcard home), but we've always had updaets on the noticeboard at school each day of a residential, and if you have a friendly person in the office, they will listen to you worrying during the week, and be incredibly reassuring. Also you may find that the teacher in charge will be able to give you a quick call for reassurance part way through, especially as you have genuine concerns, and it's not just PFBness ifswim Smile.

Original poster
polarfox · 12/02/2011 14:13

Some great ideas Ishallwear, and I can see why phone calls would make it worse.

Your case study is interesting too..

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coppertop · 12/02/2011 15:27

She'll be fine. :)

I had similar wobbles when my ds1 was going on his first residential trip. He can get upset easily, has trouble with self-help skills, and still not dry at night (he has SN but goes to a mainstream school). It was only after the trip that his teacher had admitted she'd been a little worried too about how he would cope!

He had a brilliant time and has since been on a second resdidential trip, which he also loved. I suspect your dd will also have a great time. :)

KristinaM · 12/02/2011 15:31

Are you sure it's a week? In most schools it's just Monday to Friday, so only 4 nights.

ragged · 12/02/2011 15:54

I make DS is pay a deposit towards any school trip, in case he might flake out on me and try not to go after all (which he has done). Basically I withhold 10 quid or so in pocket money until after he's been successfully.

Last year I insisted that he go on a trip and it went to badly we had to collect him after 2 hours (luckily only a 10 minute drive away). :(

Original poster
polarfox · 12/02/2011 15:59

You are right kristina, it says on the letter a week, but it actually is only 4 nights (GOD that sounds SO much better!!)
Mon-Fri.

And coppertop I believe DD has some form of mild LD, but unfortunately its in the level/spectrum presently it's not apparent to all, though I have talked to teacher obviously about it. I am so glad the trip was successful for your DS; you must have been so proud! Smile

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Acanthus · 12/02/2011 16:07

DS2 went on his first residential this year, at 9.8. He wasn't anxious but I did suspect he might get upset the first evening, which he did. One of the teachers sat with him for a few minutes and then he was fine. It's good for them, honestly, but I do think a long term foster child probably is a special case and whilst you should let her go, you should maybe have a quiet chat with a teacher beforehand. Are there any parent helpers you could get to keep an eye on her, too?

Original poster
polarfox · 12/02/2011 16:25

THB acanthus I didnt know that parent helpers do go on these trips; I couldn't due to the other ones, obviously but I will find out.

I don't know whether I am overprotective by nature, or more so because of her past, or simply because she's immature for her age, and not really independent; Having read all the replies (and my instinct) it's clear that she should go and that she will enjoy it, as you all say I should place my trust on the teachers....

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jenga079 · 12/02/2011 16:45

10???? I'm less worried that she hasn't had a night away from you and more Shock that you haven't had a night to yourself for 10 years!!!

DP and I take SIL's children for a night or two every now and again so that she and her DH can have some time to themselves. We're planning to insist on a reciprocal arrangement within a few months of our PFB's arrival later this year.

Let her go, get a babysitter your other DC, enjoy the time off, go to a spa...Smile

madamehooch · 12/02/2011 18:37

If she wants to go, then I would encourage her to do so. I have the opposite problem. I would love my 11 year old DD to go on the residential school trips for her own benefit rather than mine but she has, so far, refused to consider any of them - won't even go to the meetings beforehand to see what they are like. Before last month, she did one sleepover (where I had to collect her) and refused to go on any more. She has stayed the night at GP's (often getting herself in a state before she goes). It was really frustrating as I know she probably would have had a good time once she was there but I would have had six months of her being stressed and worried about it before she went. She is currently doing her Civic Award where there is a one night camping trip which I am adamant she is going to go on as it is just for one night. However, she has recently been on a sleepover (not much sleeping methinks) and lasted the night so there may be light at the end of the tunnel...... What I am trying to say is that some children just get there in their own good time - if yours seems like she's there then grab the opportunity with both hands!

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