School refusal

[GeorgiaSkye]

I am the mum of a 10 year old girl in yr6 who refuses to go to school. We have had a few problems in the past but nothing like this. Every day she was distressed and feigning illness. Now she just refuses to leave the house and turns violent if forced. Explored the usual causes to no avail. School and professionals just say she must be made to go by whatever means possible and left kicking and screaming if necessary. This has been going on for 4/5 months and is not getting better.
Anyone any ideas?? Please!!

What does your daughter say about school? Does she mention having any problems getting on with schoolwork, or getting along with her classmates or teachers? Is she happy in school? One thing I've learnt from my own experience is that some school professionals will insist the child be frogmarched to school no matter how much distress the child displays towards the idea of attending school. I don't believe children do that just to be naughty or to be disobedient. There must be a reason why she is not happy in school. If she was, why would she go to this extent to avoid school?

try posting this in the special needs part. my son in year 1 also has bad attendance with schooling but as tiger says there is always a reason for the childs behaviour. if shes still being like this after 4/5 months then there is obviously a problem. ive actually phoned the EWO a few times for advice and they say to even get my son in for 1 hour a day is better than nothing. Really annoys me when teachers and other professionals imply that kids are playing up or being naughty not to go

Has she had any form of counselling? Is she referred to the child mental health service?

Is there an underlying cause?

You need to get some medical help, and get to the bottom of why. I cannot believe that there is no reason.

Is she worried about Sats?

My dd1 is in year 6, and I would say that her class is a less pleasant place to be in at the moment. Nothing specific I can say about why this should be, so I think teachers stressing about sats could be part of the reason.

Second the idea that there must be a reason for this.
FWIW, I know of a head teacher who used to drive round to a child's house and collect them in the morning. Soon solved the problem!

I can see what you're all saying about there being a reason, I really can, but to be this sounds like a full blown phobia. Although there was probably a trigger, phobias are strong, irrational fears.

I went to school with a boy who suffered from a similar phobia. They tackled it like you might any other phobia. They worked with him and gave him tasks. So, one day he might have had to get to school gates whilst all children were in lessons and then go home. Then he would go into a room in school and have a drink, biscuit and chat with one or two chosen friends, etc etc. The aim being that he was gradually reintergrated into school a little bit at a time.

Sadly in his case it didn't work out-very large comprehensive secondary by the way. He ended up being educated in a unit with a small group. But I've since met him again on FB and he is a happy, fulfilled person with a job/relationship etc.

It must be increadably tough for you. I hope it works out.

Are you aware that school attendance is not mandatory? (Education is mandatory but it is up to a family to decide what education means once you take school out of the equation.)

Try Googling school phobia (or post on the Home ed board).

If this has been going on for 4-5 months and you have had problems in the past, you may want to consider deregistering her from the current school. That would give time to let things calm down (without the daily stress on both of you) and work out what will be best for your DD. If you decide to continue with school, she can still go into secondary in September (I guess you have already applied for a suitable school - that still stands even if you dereg from primary).

Thanks for all the comments. We have considered that SATs and the worry of new school is an issue. I have home schooled in the past so she knows this is an option and is pushing towards this. Her Dad however is dead against it. He agrees with the school that this it what is best for her.