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Primary education

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Original poster

Sleepover at 5 yr

24 replies

Booandpops · 07/01/2011 23:16

I feel really mean as I have refused to allow my dd to go to a sleepover party She was 5 in nov. If it was a long term friend and I knew the parents well it would be fine but my dd has not even had tea at this friends house. My dd cried for ages but I have stuck to my guns. What would you do?

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nonicknamemum · 07/01/2011 23:33

If you don't know the parents well enough to make an informed judgment about whether you feel happy entrusting your child's care to them, and you don't have any friends who know these parents well, then I don't think you are being unreasonable to refuse to let your dd go.

FlorenceAndTheMachine · 07/01/2011 23:34

My DS who is 7 hasn't been on any sleepovers. No way would I let DD who is 5 go on one yet either. And especially not if she hadn't ever been there.

Goingspare · 07/01/2011 23:50

Oh, I'd have said the same. Five is very young for a sleepover; the only time either of mine went on one at that sort of age it was with family friends - people whose house we had all visited together and whom we'd been on holiday with. It's as important for a very young child to know and trust the parents as it is for you.

A friend (mother of both DD1's & DD2's best friends) and I randomly decided that 7 was the age to start sleepovers. Again, all DDs knew the houses and the adults in them well. Even so, the first time my DD2 stayed with them, something scared her in the night and she ended up in bed with the mum (dad kindly decamped).

Plenty of other sleepovers have followed, generally very successfully. When your DD gets to secondary school, you may have to think again about letting her stay with people you don't know very well, and that's a whole new can of worms, but 5 is too young.

medoitmama · 08/01/2011 08:50

Was probably a bit short sighted of these parents to suggest a sleepover party at this age. My DD has slept over with her "best friend" about 8 times. She is only 4, but then it began with necessity as I gave birth to DD2 when she was 2.5 and she had no where else to go. No family anywhere near us. So it was the first night I'd ever been apart from her. She loved it so we carried on with it once in a while (gives me a break too), but I know parents very well.

Some3times you have to make tough decisions as a parent but stick to your guns as you believe it's in your DDs best interest. She'll get over it! Could you arrange a sleepover at yours with one or two close friends as a consolation?

monkeyflippers · 08/01/2011 10:20

Mine (4) hasn't been to sleepovers but some of her friends have and it has been fine as the parents all know each other well. If you know the parents then why not start with her going to tea and build up.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 08/01/2011 10:59

YANBU at all....people send them too young and it's a bloody nightmare in reality. I wouldnt send a 5 year ld off to someone's home overnight unless a relative or very close friend.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 08/01/2011 11:00

Oh this isn't even AIBU!! I spend too much time there obv.

Littlefish · 08/01/2011 11:49

My dd is 6 and I still think she's too young to go to a sleepover.

I think about 8 is the right age generally.

The only sort of sleepover dd has had is when her best friend came, with her mum and dad and stayed when their heating broke.

pagwatch · 08/01/2011 12:26

Well obviously you shouldn't change your mind because she was crying.

My dd has dine sleepovers since she was 4 but with best friend whose mother is a good friend of mine. But dd has always been weirdly relaxed about that. Her friend only stayed twice as she got upset which wasn't fair on anyone.

Slightly disconcerting really that dd has always happily waved me off and sleeps like a log.

TotorosOcarina · 08/01/2011 12:27

no, no, no, no

i wouldn't allow it.

Acinonyx · 08/01/2011 13:32

I absolutely would not allow this. Dd does occasional sleepovers with her best friend, whose mother is a good friend of mine - dc are 5. I am not keen on sleepovers at this age though - can be a nightmare as they get so excited and non-sleepy.

Pag - I have a pretty shy, can't be left alone dd (or even in another room) - but she absolutely begged me to let her sleepover with her friend and has no problems at all.

Original poster

Booandpops · 08/01/2011 17:55

Thanks. It's nice to hear I'm not alone in thinking it's too young I have text pmarents and explained that though it's nice to be asked we feel dd is not ready yet for a sleepover and they were fine about it. Think I may arrange something over Easter with her best friend who we have known since birth and I am good friends with mum too.

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virgiltracey · 08/01/2011 18:02

We did it when ds1 was five with his best friend from school also 5. It was a nightmare. they were awake until about 1am and then BF decided he needed his mummy and could I take him home. Its too young IMO.

SkyBluePearl · 08/01/2011 18:32

you did the right thing.

Ragwort · 08/01/2011 18:38

Is it a sleepover party (ie: lots of children sleeping over?) or just your daughter that is invited to stay the night? My DS spent the night with friends from about 3 - it was an easier way of sharing babysitting duties and worked well for us and the families (all close friends) we shared the arrangements with - but obviously some children might not be comfortable with the idea. Like pagwatch my DS was always very keen to go off for sleepovers with other families - they are usually much more liberal that us about bed times and had lots of techno. gadgets .

Original poster

Booandpops · 08/01/2011 18:49

Rag. I know the parent a little but only to chat to in playground. Never been to house etc. I do feel the relAtionship is at the level I'd leave dd there all night
There are other girls invited but not sure who or how many.

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Original poster

Booandpops · 08/01/2011 18:51

Sorry should read "not at the level id leave dd all night"

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monkeyflippers · 08/01/2011 18:55

Really? You feel that the relationship is at the level where you would leave dd there all night? But you have never been to her house!

monkeyflippers · 08/01/2011 18:56

Oh ok that makes more sense. I read it several times because I didn't quite believe it.

It's sad for you little girl as they hate being left out but it's hard to know what to do. Maybe start with playdates to the girls house and she can stay for dinner etc.

monkeyflippers · 08/01/2011 18:57

Or maybe you could offer to stay as well to help out if there are a lot of them going? Don't know how that would be received though.

COCKadoodledooo · 08/01/2011 19:03

Ds had been for a sleepover at a friend's by that age but not a party, and his friend is my friend's dd. It was only arranged so me and the other mum could attend -go- -to- -the- -pub- a preschool meeting and I didn't have to worry about when I got in (dh was away). We didn't leave the kids alone btw, her dh was there!

I wouldn't have let him go to a sleepover party at that age, and tbh probably wouldn't now (he's 7). I would let him go stay overnight with a good friend though, one whose parents I knew.

DontCallMeBaby · 08/01/2011 19:04

If it's really a party, multiple kids, you've done the parents a favour - one less child to deal with in the middle of the night. Are they mad?!

Apart from grandparents, DD has had a couple of sleepovers at her friend's house, who lives two doors down from us. She's 6 now, probably still 5 the first time she went. We're in and out of their house a lot, know the parents fairly well, so no problems with trust. Mum had to put a fair bit of work into getting DD to sleep - you wouldn't want to do that with more than one extra child sleeping over.

Their DD has slept over here once, and we tried it a second time, but she became unhappy and had to go home. Again, not a situation you'd want to be in with more that one (small) extra child in the house. She is usually a far more confident child than DD, so you never can tell.

COCKadoodledooo · 08/01/2011 19:04

Pah. Couldn't get the strikeout to work.

orienteerer · 08/01/2011 19:05

DS is 8 and is yet to have a sleepover (except at family members house).

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