Crying before school every day - help!

[foodfairy]

My son who has just started reception is crying a lot before school. It seems to come and go, but many mornings we have 5-10mins of tears and him being dragged off me into the classroom. I'm confident he's happy at school, teacher says it stops after I've gone and at pick up he's happy, chatty and seems to have lots of friends etc.

Any advice to get over this. Have tried treats/bribery, going into classroom with him, bringing him home for lunch (he cried when he went back) pictures of family in his bag to look at if sad, thinking happy things on way to school. Help, I'm close to tears now as well and dread walk to school.

My son was like this last year. It is awful I know, but it does get better. He is much better now in Y1 where you aren't expected to hang around - going into the classroom made him much worse. Talk to the teacher/TA and see what they suggest. Our TA was lovely and tended to meet us each morning to peel DS off me before he had a chance for too many tears.

And remember - I promise it does get better

Foodfairy,
Perhaps your child needs a bit more time to settle. Is it possible to speak with teachers about collecting him at lunch time, for instance?
If this is possible for you and for the school, it may be very useful. Your child will know you care about his anxiety and he may get a slower start.
It is very painful to leave your child crying. They stop when you leave. You never know whether they do so because they are happy or because you are not there anymore and so, what is the point of crying.
I have left my kids crying in nursery. If I would have had any option to make it easier I would have tried. They survive, but I believe it is also nice if they feel you are with them on this.

DS was like this until half term and now he does it occasionally. We started a reward chart for not crying at the school gate and it seemed to work - a treat for not crying for two weeks then they sort of get out of the "habit" IYSWIM....DS is apparently never that tearful at school (occasionally asks for me) so the tears were only at drop off and he always came out full of it,

dd did this all through reception, quite a bit in y1 and on and off in y2

she's v bright so wasn't finding the work too hard, is very eager to please so was never in trouble, had a lovely group of friends (until they all moved away in y2)

the only way I managed to deal with it was by being very brisk and upbeat and trying not to let her spin the moment of separation out for too long

she's now changed schools and it's not happened once this year

He's testing you and probably has reached the stage when they realise school is non-negotiable and lasts forever. It takes some adjustment - just ignore as much as you can without being hard and be as upbeat and breezy as you can. It's probably worse for you than it is for him.

I really feel for you, foodfairy. My DD certainly went through a similar phase, and I know of many many others who have. I think lots of kids find reception tough at first - it's when school starts to demand a little more from them in terms of sitting quietly, listening etc ... especially if they have just come from a lovely nursery where they get lots of kind attention all day.

This probably sounds really obvious but have you tried getting him to talk about his feelings? At this age, kids have all sorts of fears and worries that can seem enormous to them, but it almost always helps when they can express them openly. Especially if they know they are not being naughty, that you are taking them seriously, and that you will love and accept them whatever happens.

IME, it makes things far worse when they feel that they are being 'bad' by crying and making a fuss. Hands up, I think all of us are guilty of this at some stage, especially when we are worried and frustrated.

Maybe choose a time when he's relaxed and receptive, after school say. Tell him that you'd like to know how he feels in the mornings before school, and that he isn't being naughty for crying. And then maybe just try to listen to what he says??

Good luck, it is so hard when they are sad and you don't know what to do

Don't forget aswell that they are absolutely shattered by now though - my Reception ds is doing the same thing at the moment. Also, everything is out of routine - concerts, snow, etc, which he can't bear.

Thanks for all your messages. Good to know that we are not the only ones. Feel much better now as happy boy came home from school.

Think it's just odd tying together this confident child with the weeping mess I have to drop off most mornings. Plus everything is out of kilter for the next couple of weeks and I dread return in January. Hope it doesn't go on much longer. When I talk to him he says he wishes I could stay at school with him. Also that school is quite long, but feel that messing around with routine probably not best way to go and teachers say lunch important as it gives them a chance to play together.