Yr 2 school and homework issues - what to do?

[MollieO]

Have posted a query in SEN on whether I should be seeking an Ed Psych referral but thought I'd post here too as this section is busier.

Ds in yr 2 age 6.3. Tested in Jan and discovered to have poor visual sequential memory. Affects his learning and concentration. We had issues with this throughout yr 1. He has an IEP and lessons with SENCO twice a week.

Now in yr 2 it has got worse. He is now refusing to do either school work or homework. The result means he is kept in at break time to do the work he hasn't done in class and we have nightly meltdowns over homework (which he refuses to do).

I have offered treats, threats you name it I've tried it and no effect at all. Nothing works. He is now behind in all aspects of his schoolwork. When he can be persuaded to do his work he does it easily so I don't think it is an ability problem.

I asked in Jan whether he should see an Ed Psych but the SENCO said no need. Ten months later I'm wondering whether I should ask again. Ds is at private school so I will have to pay. I don't mind doing that if there will be some benefit.

I am at the absolute end of my tether and I dread spending any time with ds at the moment.

Gosh....have you asked the head teacher for advice? They need to help you....you are paying them to be there in this kind of situation! My DC goes to a private school...also in yar 2...we have had a few issues and the school were right there behind us with all kinds of advice.

His form teacher is the deputy head so she is well aware of his issues. Parents' evening is over a month away and I thought I might wait to then before saying something but this week I've realised that five weeks is too long to wait.

Ive asked him to do some homework before we go out this afternoon. One maths question and writing out five spellings once. He is currently refusing even though he knows the consequence is missing his school fireworks display tonight.

Oooh Mollie - don't get into such a battle of wills with your darling child. He really really doesn't have to do any homework at this age. Doing or not doing homework won't affect how well he does at school - there is a lot of debate about whether any homework is actually a good idea.

I would not make him do any homework - and explain to school why. Punishing him and taking away all the things he loves isn't going to help him....

Your poor child.

He is behind with his school work and refusing to do work at home or at school. It isn't just about homework.

I assume his teacher will be saying more to me soon but for the time being he is getting lots of staying in at break time to complete his work. When I spoke to the teacher this week (albeit briefly on the one day in the week where I do drop him off) she said that he was doing nothing in class.

I had for pretty much the whole of yr 1 his yr 1 teacher saying she had never taught a child like ds. I don't think it is because he cannot do the work but rather that he doesn't want to (or maybe doesn't see the point of doing it). If he genuinely couldn't then, weirdly, I'd be less worried so long as he was trying. It is the complete lack of effort and diffidence that gets me. One of the other parents thinks he is very like her very bright older child and suggested that I should contact Mensa. Personally I don't see that at all.

why is a child of 6 getting homework nightly? that is too much in my view and I would be refusing to do any homework at all so that he gets a sanctuary

then I would use that time to chat and within the chatting and general togetherness use some hidden maths questions - like get him to weigh stuff for making a cake or ask him how much more chocolate you need to top a cake.

Don't fight over homework it's not worth it. Ask to see his teacher and explain why and ask how are they going to deal with the school situation making sure they know you will play your part.
I'm not sure if seeing an Ed Psych will help if the school is against it there is no saying they will take on board anything that comes from the referral.

I'm not worried whether he does or doesn't do his homework. What concerns me is lack of application to do anything.

I know that he has been spoken to twice about school work and homework but he won't tell me what the teacher said to him. I have spoken to her once and she said he can do his homework at break time, which he has. It hasn't had any effect on whether he will do his work or not. Contrast last year when he got detention for being badly behaved. It had a profound effect on him and we had no more episodes (he bit two other classmates in separate incidents). This year it is really like he doesn't care.

The SENCO was against getting an Ed Psych involved as she didn't think it would add anything and it would be a waste of money. I know he is playing her up this term too (the last two terms he mostly had lessons her assistant so this is the first time he has had her every week). She is very direct and doesn't put up with any nonsense and she is one of the teachers he has done detention with this term. Another is a scary yr 3 teacher.

Sorry that should be scary yr 4 teacher rather than yr 3 (has reputation of tearing up work that is below standard ).

YOU are PAYING for this! Any teacher who tears up work is shameful imo. How awful for those poor children. Saying it isn't acceptabe yeah and making them repeat it but to rip it up is just terrible. If my DS was refusing to apply himself to anything i'd be trying to find out the underlying reason (which there must be) because there are not many children who completely refuse to do such tasks without good reason. Could be a number of issues; problems with the teacher, school, peers, home anything but i'd be binning the homework for the time beig, puttng in some fun and TLC and then trying totalk to hom not battling with him. The more you battle the more he's going to dig his heels in. hildren ca be extremely stubborn as i'm sure you are aware. think of your relaionship first then try and work out the rest hen things have improved there.

Mollie, I'm not going to say to much as although we don't know each other I know Ridgeway very well. This year 4 teacher is her main subject science? There are three members of staff at that school who from personal experience would be of more help to you, one year 3 teacher,1 year 5 (both female) and year 6. Good luck and if you decided to use Clares Court at 11 it is so much better and totally geared up for our kids who need a bit more help.

Rather than battling him to get him to do his homework I ask him once. If he says he doesn't want to do it I say that is okay and that I'll write that in his homework diary. Just saying that leads to a meltdown and he won't eat his tea, get ready for bed, go to bed. I tend to walk away and leave him to it and get on with my evening. Eventually he will have his tea and go to bed but sometimes it is very late.

The worst thing he gets very frustrated when he gets things wrong. For example he got 8 out of 10 for his spelling test this week. Last weekend I had managed to persuade him to learn his spellings. He knew them but hadn't practised writing them out (he would sound out the letters but not write them) hence the mistakes. He does understand that he doesn't need to make much effort to get things right (ie he doesn't find the work to be beyond his ability).

He won't tell me anything about his school day but that is usual for him.

I realise from posting here that I need to have a proper chat with his teacher before parents' evening (which is in five weeks).

It's all very well for these people on here to be telling you not to bother him with hmework...they may not understand what the independant schools are like...the presure is huge even at this young age. It's not like you or he will get away with simply not doing it.

Don't be afraid of his teacher...make an appointment on MOnday to see them asap.

Mint I think the yr 4 one is science. Not sure but I do know that the boys and parents find her scary. I was surprised that ds didn't seem to. I'm also surprised that he is playing up the SENCO as I find her pretty scary too.

I like his teacher this year but she does seem to be the glass half empty type. I was delighted that ds was doing better in his reading this term but she pointed out to me that he was still a long way behind most of the rest of the class.

I don't know the yr 5 or 6 teachers but I'm not sure I'm going to survive that long! I have offered ds the choice of moving to our catchment school where he would be required to make no effort at all!

The pressure is huge i get that but if he is digging in his heels then a week out with no focus on school work and trying to get to the bottom of the issues rather than battling on isn't going to impede his future at an independant school is it? If the op finds out what is underlying to all this and it is sorted out then the child will become happier, achieve his potential and the problem of the homework will resolve it's self. IF it's that he is just being a naughty disobedient little boy then a weeks break from the battling may be just what is neded before the battle recommences. Time out just isn't going to do any harm to 6 / 7 year old.

We get two weeks for this half term so he will have plenty of time out. I just find myself thinking and saying the same things that I said when ds was in yr 1 with no improvement. I worry that once we get to yr 3 ds will be really struggling. Everyone I know says there is a huge leap from yr 2 to yr 3 so I really feel we have to get to the bottom of ds's issues this year if he has going to have any chance of doing well at school.

It is a non-selective independent that feeds into a non-selective senior school so no hothousing type pressure (we have a local co-ed prep that does that).

In that case i'd try to get to half term with your sanity still in tact and then try and find out what it is thats the problem. I'd also make an appointment to see the teacher on the Q T too. The leap is a big one from year 2 to year 3 and also the SAT tests (if they do them) at the end of Year 2 are a big deal. Maybe he is getting worried about those. Maybe he is seeing other children around him doing better and that is getting him upset. Take him out and have a chat. Hope you sort it out though. Must be very stressful.

He sounds like mine...also at an independant school and also a bother to get to complete homework. Mine also freaks when I say that I will write in the book they won't do the work.

I have got a timer and use that which has been working for us....but your son sounds more complicated. Have you tried hving him read to you from non-fiction books? On subjects which interest him?

Mollie - I have offered ds the choice of moving to our catchment school where he would be required to make no effort at all!

I don't know you or what makes you say this. But it is a big assumption that your local school wouldn't require him to make an effort. However it is hugely possible that in a less pressured school he may do way more work and do significantly better.

My bulk standard catchment school with high free school meals / EAL kids / SEN kids etc etc makes the kid work very hard - but they don't notice that they are being pushed.

He'll do his reading - we are at ORT level 5 so just starting with the magic key stories and he is interested in those. He will not do writing, spelling or maths and nothing will make him.

I've tried the timer as we have to write how long homework takes. It takes him about 6 mins to read a book, 10 if we include time for all the comments he make about the story.

I can live with the lack of doing homework but the fact that he is also not doing work in his classroom really concerns me.

Thank heavens they don't do SATs but I do believe they do some other form of testing (don't recall what exactly). It worries me that he will be asssessed at whatever ability level (which may be below actual) and be taught accordingly through the rest of prep school.

Indigo I know quite a few parents who have removed dcs from the local school (all were at nursery with ds) so I'm not guessing on that.

Hi there. I am a tutor who has taught a variety of children at different ages and stages and with different special needs.

Your DS's "perfectionism" rings some bells for me and I have seen it before in children who are on the autistic spectrum. Their black and white view of the world doesn't leave any room for mistakes and they can have very low self esteem. I have seen ASD children then refuse to do work and have meltdowns (growling, breaking pencils, throwing things) rather than risk making a mistake. The root of their refusal is a serious anxiety about "failing" and as this anxiety is worse than any punishments the usual consequences and rewards just don't have any effect.

Please note that I in no way want to panic and alarm you and it may well be that your son's difficulties are nothing to do with ASD. I suppose I'm just querying whether he might show any other signs and whether this might be something worth investigating.

In any case you might try writing a "social story" for your son about work. These can help ASD children but may also work with others too. - Along the lines of " My name is x and I am y years old. I go to school at z. When I am doing my schoolwork I sometimes make mistakes. This is fine. All children makes mistakes with their work. No one gets all their work right all the time. If I spot a mistake I can cross it out neatly or rub it out. Getting 8 out of 10 is a good mark for spelling because everyone makes some mistakes sometimes and 2 out of 10 mistakes is not very many.....etc etc" The idea is you are explaining very neutrally about mistakes and what to do. The children benefit from seeing the words in print and hearing it read, rather than just being told it! You could read it to/with your DC often (every day for a while if he will tolerate it) and see if this helps his feelings towards mistakes

I am shocked at this. With these sorts of problems you should be having regular meetings with his teacher and a jointly agree plan , not waiting until parents evening.
I'm afraid you have chosen the wrong school for him.

I know you keep saying the homework isn't the issue but clearly you are still trying to enforce it.
I had huge resentment from DS2 over hw when he was 6 and I made the decision to end it. Told his teacher he would not be doing HW until I felt he was ready.
It has in no way impeded his progress, he's 12 now and exceeding all his targets.

A coomunity paed we saw earlier in the yr queried if he had Aspergers because of his highly developed imagination. Consultant paed thought Ds was within normal band. I do wonder if he is slightly autistic but he is a very caring and empathetic child which doesn't fit with autism. I am going to do a note to his teacher to arrange a meeting hopefully this week. Thanks for everyone's input.