The first crush

[MyWildOliveGoose]

I’m rather peeved today as I woke up for the toilet at 630 this morning and noticed a message from a school parent asking if I was free to talk.

At 8am I replied and they messaged me 5 paragraphs of having seen messages from my son (11) on their daughters (11) phone. They had used terms like “possessive language” and “I don’t want to accuse him of anything” etc.

I had checked his phone after bed last night, as I do every day to ensure he’s not being exposed to anything and that his use of his phone is age appropriate, not on social media etc however he is on WhatsApp. I hadn’t noticed anything when I checked so straight away I got his phone and checked again.

The messages were normal, they message each other every day saying good morning and good night, asking if they’d each had a good day and mainly Roblox or cinema talk about movies they’ve seen or enjoy. However, they had one conversation after this girl had sent my son a few selfies which were age appropriate where he told her she was beautiful and really enjoys talking to her, she returned these comments and said he makes her feel good about herself, he said “shall we date?” but she replied saying no as they won’t be going to the same school (in Sept) so won’t see each other again and my son replied “true lol do you wanna play Roblox?” and then they did.

I replied to the parent saying it just looked like normal conversation, and a little crush but that I would be happy to speak to my son if there was anything in particular that upset their daughter if they could highlight the exact issue as to be honest, I just cannot see the issue 🤣 maybe I am too relaxed? But crushes at this age is normal, I’m sorry but it is.

Anyway, they replied saying “just tell your son not to message my daughter again. Is that clear enough?” So I replied, absolutely clear enough, however I stand by the statement that my son hasn’t actually done anything wrong; that he was kind and respectful and took rejection well with no issue.

Yes, I absolutely agree actually, I hadn’t thought of this until a previous similar comment. I think he will be so upset to lose this friend, and I think her daughter will too.. however, they are of an age now where certain things can possibly be insinuated and that can’t be taken back once said.

Very good point. He has to back off completely from this now. You don’t want him to be accused of something.

I’m not saying it’s your son’s fault, unless he asked for them, but perhaps that’s what freaked her out the idea her DD handed over photos of herself, especially when we know the kind of videos people put photos into.

Sounds like your son did nothing wrong at all and you sound like a good mum! It’s a shame but I would not encourage this friendship, so there’s less risk of this parent accusing him of anything in the future. (Keep him away from that mum really, and protect your son.)

Absolutely, I agree. I’m very strict with my children about sharing pictures which is why my son would never have asked. I think she had a knee jerk reaction, I hope she’s reflecting on that but I will be safeguarding my son regarding this interaction in future, just incase.

Luckily, we are unlikely to ever see them again but yes, I do agree.

and thank you, it’s not easy parenting these days, and we are all doing our best.

I would bet this woman rarely checks the kids messages and then realised she was sending these messages and freaked out. doubt the girl said anything to her first about feeling uncomfortable. honestly though 11 year olds dont need to sit online chatting back and forth. if you let kids have chats online theyre going to get argumentative/inappropriate etc at some point. this shows how dangerous it is for boys too to be doing anything like this too - you check his messages every day, he is clearly well mannered, and still youre already defending him agains accusations of inappropriateness and he has 2 years before his a teen yet. this mother can go around saying anything about him and people will believe it. just not worth it. (also, just to point out, Roblox is an awful and detrimental platform, proven time and time again

such a shame , as their friendship was a lovely one, but this is the right thing to do.

This is so true. Something I really need to think about and make effective changes to ensure this doesn’t happen again. So many things to think about and safeguard. Goodness me. Thank you 🙏🏼

Your son's not behaved badly as far as I can see and you sound very careful with his access online etc which is good to read. Their exchange seems fine, quite respectful of each other in their own way and I chuckled a little over the knock back of dating to instantly say yeah, lets play games instead.

I think the mum has overreacted but whatever, she's allowed to feel how she wants over her 11 year old I suppose. Hopefully it will all blow over in a sensible, calm manner with the mum as it's a shame they'd not be able to be friends going forward.

I think the mum has seen that her daughter has sent photos and panicked. Her daughter shouldn’t be sending pictures at all tbh even appropriate ones but that is not your DS’s fault or your issue. Agree with ending this friendship now.

I have a similar age kid and it sucks, all of this constant tech access they want. if it wasn't bad enough having to say no to sugar (which is everywhere) and all the crap on adverts (also everywhere), it's having to constantly say no to games, or videos, or chat. just feels like youre always put into a position where you have to be lecturing them on how to protect themselves. and an 11 year old boy, who hasn't done anything wrong, shouldnt be made to feel like he's done something wrong. and now again, you as his mum are forced into the position of having to say no you cant chat with her or whatever. sucks!

If that's the case, then that's a conversation for her to have with her daughter, not behave like a nutter.

OP's son did nothing wrong - backed off when she said no and accepted rearranging friends without stropping off.

I agree, this Mum does sound a bit aggressive to have to deal with as a child and a parent. One to avoid.

On balance i think this friendship needs to end. Be careful of this mother trying to smear your son.
No messaging= no trouble

Maybe her taking and sending selfies was a bit too much for her Mum, but that is an in house issue to be dealing with. I think to bring you into it (how she did) was a little dramatic. Maybe as a relaxed comment she could say to you we saw her messages to your son, we have spoken to her about not sending selfies so sorry about that. I think that may have been a better approach.

Social media and phones have allowed parents to helicopter in a really invasive way. These kids were having an innocent and sweet chat. If it had been between them in the playground she’d know nothing about it. Her daughter isn’t upset about anything. I think it’s outrageous that she’s hectoring you like that.