Advice - would you ask other mums what the issue is

[Lushmetender]

I have a similar post but basically my daughter keeps asking friends to play and they won’t. We have just had 100 days of lockdown, it’s summer time. There is nowhere really to go and my dd needs friends. She has started having night terrors and dad is on her floor again because she’s been upset and hyper ventilating. It’s upsetting as a mum to see. My dd had few friends before but she can’t keep living in isolation. I’m thinking of approaching one of the mums to ask what it is that her dd won’t play with her. What would your advice be on that? I only know her to speak to and she held at brownies a biy

Are these school friends? If so I'd speak to the teacher to try and see if there are any obvious issues before tackling the friends individually.

Thx for quick reply. I’ve been doing that the past 4 years. Years 3 and 4, they said when partnering up she was always on her own, years 5 the teacher, they said it was partly due to the way my daughter is. He apparently tried to mix up the tables to those she gets on better with. Last year I spoke to the teacher again but said she had made friends with a new girl. Seemed to be ok for a while but when I visited the school, my dd was not sitting with any other girls. Teacher didn’t seem to think an issue but did say a few girls in that year were beyond their years whereas my dd is still quite naive. We now have 6 weeks until they go back to school
And due to COVID there is no clubs we can occupy her with. Hence why wondered if I should ask directly. She was friends with this girls for a while but every time my dd pops over she’s always busy.

I wouldn't approach the parents as it could cause more problems for your daughter with being called names etc. I know how worrying it is when it comes to your children. Do you have any family members with children she could socialise with? Or friends with children?

It's a really tricky one, on the one hand exclusion bullying is wrong but on the other you can't force a friendship between people who don't gel anymore. Sometimes it's hard to tell the two situations apart.

It sounds like a bit of a maturity gap, she could catch up with her classmates in time though. It's hard as the other avenues for new friends are closed off for now. I'd also look at helping her to cope with her panic attacks in the meantime.

Hi, I’ve just found this thread as I’ve been looking for advise as my daughter is in a similar position. I too want to approach the parents but won’t.

Have you managed to make any headway with friendships?

After weeks of what seems like one way invitations, usually declined, I’m going to spend the rest of the summer holidays trying to encourage my daughter to find happiness and fun in other activities without her constantly waiting for friends to get in touch or checking her phone. Not sure what else I can do for her. She’s actually talking about wanting to move schools in September as she feels she’s reached a dead-end with her current ‘friends’

You can’t make other people take a risk and visit your house. Unfortunately at the moment it is a risk to meet other people, and it’s not your decision to make for them.