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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

12 yr old wearing mascara to school

18 replies

user1494670108 · 09/01/2018 09:00

My dd will be 13 next week, she's in y8. Doing well, secure friendships, iPhone addict etc
This morning she was wearing her Benefit mascara that she got for Christmas.
We've told her it's inappropriate and we don't want her wearing mascara to school but we didn't make her take it off (I'm wondering if we should)
She thinks we're being ridiculous- should we stick to our guns or pick our battles?

OP posts:

TheQueenOfWands · 09/01/2018 09:01

Yes, pick your battles.

It's mascara. No biggie.

RaeCJ82 · 09/01/2018 09:04

Pick your battles. Bit of mascara I could live with. I'd even be ok with a bit of concealer if my DD had acne. That's it though. I hate seeing girls going to school with a load of orange foundation on.

gamerchick · 09/01/2018 09:06

Na pick your battles. This is normal shit and not worth the rows.

Original poster

user1494670108 · 09/01/2018 09:07

But now we've said she shouldn't, if we back down she's "won" which doesn't feel right either!
I think hope she'll probably get bored and stop anyway.
Bring back toddler days

OP posts:

perfectly · 09/01/2018 09:09

Say she has to be a teenager before she can wear mascara to school, then she can wear it from next week.

TheQueenOfWands · 09/01/2018 09:09

She's already won. She's already gone to school wearing mascara.

Just say you were overreacting and on second thoughts it suits her and she looks lovely.

My mum never said nice stuff to me, it would've made a difference. My confidence was in the gutter at that age.

Original poster

user1494670108 · 09/01/2018 09:09

This post is now appearing directly under the "ridiculous rules your parents had" one"! Maybe I just got my answer

OP posts:

TheLegendOfBeans · 09/01/2018 09:10

As long as the school allows it then seriously I wouldn’t push it.

I went from make up free to pantomime dame overnight the moment I hit 16 due to my mum banning me from wearing make up when all I wanted was a wee brush of mascara every day.

AuntLydia · 09/01/2018 09:11

Well she's 'won' anyway cos you didn't make her take it off! Although I think going into battles to 'win' with kids is a fool's errand anyway. If the mascara is inappropriate then school will make her take it off.

GemmaB78 · 09/01/2018 09:11

What's the school policy on make up? I taught in a school that had a zero make up policy, and we had to make pupils remove it. We were fighting a losing battle if the parent didn't back the school. If the school has a minimal policy, it's up to you. If it's a zero policy, you need to support them

AuntieStella · 09/01/2018 09:12

My DD wears make up to school, and I don't really approve (because I think she's too young)

But I decided that I would never make a fuss about stuff that washes off. So I've told her that if she gets in trouble at school then it's her own silly fault and she takes the consequences. (They have a bit of a non-rule at her school that although make up is officially banned, light/natural make up isn't sanctione. But if a teacher thinks too much has been plastered on it counts as a uniform infraction).

Perhaps the 'own silly fault' line is a ladder you could climb down - to show you disapprove but aren't banning?

gamerchick · 09/01/2018 09:22

Man, you’re in for a hard teenage road if you see things as ‘winning’.

I like the rule don’t stress over things that wash off though

Royalcoronation · 09/01/2018 09:25

What's the reason for not allowing her to wear it?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/01/2018 09:29

I'm not sure it's helpful to see things as 'winning' or 'losing' as your DD is entering her teens. You're in for a bumpy ride if that's the case.

It's mascara, not a big deal, if she gets into trouble at school that's up to her.

Original poster

user1494670108 · 09/01/2018 11:38

Thanks all - the winning or losing thing is my own very stubborn-streak!
No policy at school to speak of and she currently disparages the caked in orange girls
Il stand down, thanks

OP posts:

hollowtree · 09/01/2018 11:44

Agree with PP about telling her she looks nice! That would have made a huge difference to me too

Tumbleweed101 · 14/02/2018 08:15

I’m just coming into my second teenage girl phase (one is 17 and one is 12). This time I’m trying the encourage to the more sensible options...

Looked at makeup yesterday with dd12. Encouraged her to get clear mascara and explained how to choose the right colour foundation etc (she didn’t get any, just looking). Told her about choosing right colours for you and not colours everyone is wearing etc.

I’ve decided it is easier to have these conversations now while they are still receptive to parent opinion!

As for battles - pick them carefully. Try to choose the ones that involve being safe.

Original poster

user1494670108 · 14/02/2018 15:16

From several weeks later she has rarely worn it again so it wasn't the slippery slope to a face full of slap.
Thanks all for the advice, especially about remembering to tell her she looks nice, this is something I don't do enough.

OP posts:

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