Please help I'm at my wits end with this child

[couldntlovethebearmore]

11 year old DD- always trying to rule the roost. Will frequently refuse to get dressed/move/go on days out with us.
Day off work today using my precious annual leave and planned for the three of us to go out to a local attraction. She had a paddy about clothes and refused to go, stood in front of the door and pushed me into the wall. I had to grab her neck to get her away.

I'm horrified at this latest incident and of course none of us are going anywhere now. I've no idea how to deal with her behaviour on a day to day basis anymore

No great solutions but some questions which may help.

Is she worried about starting secondary and can't express her emotions?

What does she get to do if she 'wins' - e.g. electronic stuff?
If you stay in, who gets the attention, her or the other ones?

Is there no other adult you can call on to take the other 2 out so they don't lose out?

What are her motivators? Can you only use them as rewards for cooperative behaviour?

Who normally gets attention. Is it her only way to get attention?

Has she started her periods yet?

They all get equal attention and she showers her baby brother with love.
She just will not be told.
I suspect she's due to start periods soon as she's had some major growth in her boobs the past few weeks and pubic hair- mood swings being angry emotional then 'normal'