DS (12) upset before going back to school after every holiday

[sydenhamhiller]

I don't really know where to start, was hoping for some advice...
DS is in Y7, a sensitive, thoughtful, bookish introvert boy.

He had a rocky-ish time at primary school, a bit of bullying over being a geek/ nerd etc. He is now at a grammar school and seems to be enjoying it: no teasing about academic achievement, he says he has friends/ his teachers say he seems quite popular. He seems happy and enthusiastic and settled.

But: after every half term/ end of term holiday he is really down. Deflated, negative, mean to his younger siblings and tearful at bed time... But he is not really sure what he is sad about. He is not worried about the work/ bullying. I believe him.

It's Sunday night blues on a large scale. Do we just accept it? Is there anything we can do to help him manage this?

We talk it over, he says there is nothing he is worried about in particular, he's just sad about the holidays being over (staying at home in rainy SE England!). And that is absolute valid, and I have tried to gently say it is ok to be sad about it, but not to take it out on his siblings. But I am worried this is a bit...too much and a bad pattern. Are we worrying too much?

How sad for you all. Not much advice but wondering if his school has a councillor that could help get to the bottom of things?

My DD has been like this in the past. At its worst, we found a sympathetic teaching assistant would take her off me in the playground (literally peel her off me on some days) and walk her into school. She's Y6 now and it has improved slowly with support from school. I appreciate this may be harder in secondary but is there a member of the pastoral team who you could speak to? They might be able to shed some light on any issues your DS is having.

I don't think I ever quite got it right with supporting DD. I tried to jolly her along as much as possible but also gave her a chance to have a bit of a cry and chat about anything bothering her.

None of my children enjoy going back to school...although they all seem okay (although issues with yr 7 child at moment) they just love being at home and we got a puppy about three months ago so they hate leaving it in the morning. I loved going to school as my parents weren't great so perhaps they just love being at home

OP, how is your DS once he has been back at school 2 or 3 days? If he seems much better after a couple of days back then I wouldn't worry about it (though obviously you need to be clear that it's not OK to be mean to his younger siblings). I think the experience of adjusting to secondary school can be a pretty anxious time for a lot of children, including those who have friends and do well academically.

Thanks all.
As we expected, he was absolutely fine when he came back Monday afternoon. He was even OK Monday morning. He was not like this at primary school (except when they had a spectacularly shouty teacher in Y3 and that's another story), and as secondary school is so much more 'hands-off', I have worried that perhaps he is not happy. I think my DH and I are slightly conflicted about the fact that he goes to a grammar school: he is a bright boy, and got so much hassle at primary for being a 'geek/ nerd/ know-it-all' (and he is a very quiet, not shouting out boy', he is loving this side of school. He is enjoying the other boys competing to get the best marks, being able to be proud of getting the best mark at times. But I worry it might be too pressured... I don't think it is the academic side, I think it is the adjusting to secondary. And I wish I knew how to help.

He was quite anxious in the first couple of weeks, and school suggested he join their mindfulness class, but DS was having none of it, and then was absolutely fine until returning after Christmas.

Appletreeblossom123, I think you are right, that's made me feel much better thank you!