out of touch with my kids

[ratsintheattic]

I used to do loads of activities with my kids but they are not interested in anything except xbox these days. I feel completely out if touch with them. Any suggestions? They are 8 and 11.

make them have some screen free time, is the xbox new? perhaps the novelty will wear off?

Get some things booked in the diary and some 1-2-1 time - cinema, concerts, shopping, Go Ape, camping, whatever they're into. Just book it and take them along.

Limit screen time to just limited time at the weekend?

Thanks. I do make them do things and although reluctant they usually have fun. I'm more talking about at home - their default is xbox and anything else I suggest is BORING.

Can you not just say Xbox is only 6-6.30pm Weekdays, and 2 hrs max weekend. Before or after that can't be used

Then they will have to look for something else. Teach them how to cook, read stories, play board games

We had the same problem and I completely sympathise. It is a real problem especially with games such as Minecraft etc which are so addictive.
I took quite a drastic measure, I stopped it all together and it worked wonders! I just told them it needs to be inspected (which is kind of true) and will be out of action. I took all screens away for nearly four weeks.
In my view it took that much to 'bring them back'. I planned for the first days. Children on the whole LOVE cookery, so we started with that. Played in the garden. Started a veg patch at this time of year it is ideal. We went through their rooms and made them 'their own', we made a bug house and a a home for a doormouse. We got the old baby photos out and made a collage (That was so much fun and made me cry) and the more we did, the less they thought about xbox and the happier I felt as a parent. The happier they were, no longer zombie children but alive and engaged and full of ideas.
There are some brilliant books on amazon with tons of ideas for children of any age at home. I could recommend a few.
My eldest whom I think are the hardest to please loves making dinner, we make childrens cocktails, ice lollies with different juices etc, we make our own films with their favourite toys on my iphone which we watch together. We have nightly discos most kids love to dance, and I ask them what they love doing and they choose...
Now we have all agreed, a few hours of xbox at weekends only. Now they mostly even forget it is there at weekends, we have broken the cycle and reconnected with life. They are much less bothered now, they don't even think about it unless it is pouring with rain and I am busy with others things (which I always try to avoid)
I think the first step is doing exactly what you have done, realised you don't feel connected, the second is to prepare for the 'switch off', the third is to DO IT. I promise you won't look back. I go to bed feeling much happier and fulfilled now. On the odd occasion they do play with it now, I no longer feel guilty.

Thank you, that's given me hope. We have had xbox bans before - one lasting three weeks and I agree we all had a great time in those weeks. Maybe it's because it's a punishment but the change was temporary.

Ratsintheattic. I didn't ban it, so it wasn't a punishment this time. Maybe the thing that needs to change is perhaps how you see it?....Do you want the boys to have a temporary break from the xbox or do you definitely want to change things indefinitely? At this age they are heavily influenced by our thoughts and feelings, and so if you are looking for a permanent change, now is the moment. Looking at the teenage page on MN gives me the shivers and reminds me how influential we are at this age!! We have to make the most of it!