'I don't have to do what you say'

[17leftfeet]

I'm starting to have daily battles with my 12 yo

She's good as gold at school but at home I'll get 'I don't have to do what you say' 'you can't make me' over absolutely nothing

Then tonight we had 'cause my life's so great isn't it'

It's all so melodramatic

She's lost screen time tomorrow so I am dealing with it but its so wearing especially as I'm on my own and dad doesn't want to know

Please tell me it's just a phase!

Bump for the morning crowd

I'd pick your battles carefully if i was you.
I don't want to be the message of doom but she's only warming up.

Chin up only about 6 more years to go

I find that when faced with the response "well if you don't do what I am saying you need to do then I will stop doing things for you" and then listing them from shopping for her food in the supermarket, cooking meals, doing her laundry, to providing lifts to her activities etc, generally gets dd (and 2x DS before her) back on side.

But I think melodrama is par for the course, trying to keep a sense if humour, even if it's forced, is a great help too. So refusing to take her seriously when she complains about how "bad" her life is, can also help.

Mine are 18 and 19. I always find that the best response was along the lines of this: A slightly hurt/pained expression accompanied by 'Oh dear... I am trying to treat you like an adult, but if you will behave like a spoilt child... ' And don't get on her case too much - as someone else said - pick your battles.

Do start treating her like an adult - you wouldn't tell a friend do this do that but people seem to expect their teens to drop everything and leap to tasks immediately. If dh was in the middle of something I'd say 'When you finish doing that could you do x'. If my son is halfway through a stage on his computer game and I ask him to lay the table I'm quite happy that he should do it ten mins later instead of immediately.

Worked for me, anyway - mine even offer to do things now and provide evening taxi service for me!

I do ask rather than tell and will give a time frame rather than 'now'

I can't even remember what sparked her off last night

This morning she was funny and charming -I can't keep up and I've no one to bounce off

My 14 yo niece has apparently never been defiant or mouthy she has I've heard her so can't even talk to my sister about it

This parenting lark is a lonely business

17, you are not alone. It is the constant topic of discussion amongst us parents of teens

17 come join the club, you have empathies, sympathiesetc etc. My 11 yr old DD uttered exactly the same sentence (along with the filthiest look you can imagine) yesterday evening when I told her she wasn't going off the street on her bike as it was getting dark.

As many posters wisely say, pick your battles or as Bette Davies famously said fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride

I'm still waiting for this
dd1 is 13 and a half and has never said anything like that

I'm getting this with my 9 year old ds. His favourite saying is "I don't care what you say I will do what I want ".

I'm really not handling it very well at all.

Oh Trinity, it's good that she hasn't with all you've been through. Fingers crossed she stays just as lovely

I like fortyplus' advice

whenever I've had the nous to do similar it's worked for me