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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Is anyone else still washing their 10 year old dd's hair??

29 replies

Dancergirl · 14/07/2013 20:08

Or is it just me?

We've tried and tried to teach dd to wash her own hair standing in the shower. But she makes so much fuss about water in her eyes and doesn't rub the shampoo in properly and then doesn't rinse properly. So at the moment it's just easier to wash her hair in the bath with the shower attachment. I can do it quickly and easily and I know it's washed and rinsed properly.

But should this be something I insist she does herself at the age of 10 or not sweat the small stuff? I know it's not going to be forever, puberty will kick in soon and then I imagine I will be banished from the bathroom.

OP posts:

Yonihadtoask · 14/07/2013 20:12

Well I have a DS - with afro Caribbean heritage. I always kept his hair cut short - on a No. 1 with the clippers.

He is a bit older now and has grown a big 'fro. However I have told him that if he doesn't keep it clean, and smelling nice then I will have to get him to shave it off.

Does she have long hair? Can you suggest a similar 'threat' to her??

Notmyidea · 14/07/2013 20:38

At 11 we still have "go back and do that properly" every now and then. She has got to the adolescent point where the threat of me doing it for her motivates her into doing it properly.

RoooneyMara · 14/07/2013 20:41

I still wash ds1's and he is 10 - well he tries to do it himself but isn't great at rinsing.

We don't have a shower either, just the bath.

So I help, but tbh he is a half hound type of boy and doesn't care if it looks scruffy!

Yonihadtoask · 14/07/2013 20:46

Just make sure she rinses properly.

Once I was cutting DS's hair, and he had almost cradle cap on his scalp -it was just a few days' worth of unrinsed shampoo I think. most satisfying picking it off ..

WhereMyMilk · 14/07/2013 20:52

I still wash DD's hair. She is 9 and has a long mane long hair which is a nightmare for me to ensure it is clean and all washed through then conditioned properly...There is no way she'd manage it.

I couldn't threaten her with cutting it all off, as that is what my mum did to me and I still remember it now :(

ThreeBeeOneGee · 14/07/2013 20:55

DD is nearly 9. I alternate between washing it for her and letting her do it herself while I talk her through it. If left to her own devices, she doesn't rinse it properly, leading to flaky/itchy scalp. Her hair is below shoulder length and wavy/curly.

toolatetobed · 15/07/2013 00:23

Yes I still often wash my 10-year-old DD's (long) hair. She can do it herself, but if she does I know that the shampoo and conditioner won't be as well rinsed, and if she has to do all the combing herself it will take a lot longer.

pollywollydoodle · 15/07/2013 00:53

no, dd9 does her own longish hair in the shower and has done for over a year, without problems

dancemom · 15/07/2013 01:04

dd is 7 and she washes her own mid length hair, she is in no rush to get out of the shower though so hair gets rinsed fine

differentnameforthis · 15/07/2013 01:19

My dd is 9 with waist long hair & struggles to wash it well, so yes, I help.

veryberrybug · 15/07/2013 01:25

i found that being at swimming lessons & in communal showers got my DDs doing their own as peers were too. started off with us parents hovering & chatting then checking shampoo all out before next stage "you missed a bit here" etc. gradually chatting increased & intervention decreased. sometimes when DD2 (age 9) tired she still wants a wee bit mummy help.

TeenAndTween · 15/07/2013 10:47

DD2 age nearly 9 can more-or-less wash her own hair in shower after swimming. The trickiest bits are opening the shampoo top, and rinsing by her ears!
The deal with my 2 DDs has been that I decide hair length until they can brush and wash their own hair, after that it's up to them. DD2 wants longer hair so she has a good incentive.
(DD1 has a 14yr old friend who still can't wash her overly long hair herself ....)

GrimmaTheNome · 15/07/2013 10:56

My DD has long, thick, wavy hair, and I was washing it for her till a couple of years ago - she's 14 now. I still have to brush and comb it for her...its usually quite a challenge to get it detangled after she's been away at camp for a week, she just skims the surface with the brush. (though she can now comb it in the shower when its got conditioner on so I've some hope I won't have to go to uni with her as ladies maid )

'Don't sweat the small stuff' is exactly right - she'll kick you out of the bathroom soon enough.

MmeLindor · 15/07/2013 11:29

DD has been washing her own hair since she was about 9yo, but occasionally I have to send her back to rinse again.

Teach her to arch her back and put head back so that water doesn't go into eyes. I found DD was crouching over forwards, which meant that head back position still didn't work.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 15/07/2013 20:00

Mme I do teach her that way! But she still fusses. She's slightly dyspraxic and has a thing about certain textures which doesn't help.

OP posts:

MmeLindor · 15/07/2013 20:42

Maybe try different shampoo? A more/less foamy one?

Does she go swimming? How do you manage there?

Tbh, if she doesn't like doing it, and it causes such a fuss then I would leave it for a few months and then try again. I don't think kids should all be doing things to a certain date. They learn to walk and talk at different rates, they will learn to do other stuff at different rates.

I am a big fan of taking a step back and not making something into a big issue. Often they then see their friends doing something, and it resolved itself.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 15/07/2013 20:49

Thank you. I think my instincts are telling me the same Mme in that it won't be forever and at the moment it's just easier to do it for her. I just wanted reassurance that it's not a Terrible Thing that I'm still washing a 10 year old's hair!

She's not having swimming lessons at the moment but when she did we washed hair at home afterwards.

Hopefully she'll do it herself when she's ready.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 17/07/2013 23:48

With my 11 yr old, I do it for her perhaps a couple of times a month - to make sure it's had a really, really good wash and comb through with conditioner and nit check. She's willing to do it herself, but isn't that great at it.

Might that work for you ?

MangoJuiceAddict · 28/07/2013 23:29

My DD is 11 and I still wash her hair. And brush it. And my MIL gives DD a coconut oil scalp massage once a week. And I style her hair for her. Maybe I'm just overbearing? But my DD does have super thick hair a few inches above her hips. Don't sweat the small stuff .

thelostgirl · 03/08/2013 21:25

I started allowing my three DD's to wash their own hair about a year ago when the oldest was 9 and the twins 7. The twins managed fine as their hair has never grown past shoulder length but the oldest has long thick hair and evidently was not capable of rinsing it properly. So, I took over washing all their hairs again (we have a wet-room so they are able to all shower at the same time which makes it convenient).

Cocodale · 03/08/2013 21:30

No my 10 yr old dd has done hers for at least a year, its long but she's quite capable of doing it in the bath.

empra · 08/08/2013 13:20

I have 12 year old twin girls. One does her own hair, the other still wants me to do it. She does have a thing about water on her face though and incredibly long hair

MCos · 01/09/2013 00:53

GrimmaTheNome - Tangleteaser hairbrush is your friend! It it brilliant at handing knots/bed head hair. DD1 told me one of her friends had one of the these hairbrushes and that it was 'brilliant'. I bought one to try, and it has work so well that we now own three. About 9 euro in boots, but worth every penny.

CointreauVersial · 01/09/2013 01:03

DD2 is just 10. She does her own shampooing, but sometimes calls for help to do the conditioner and rinse.

She has long, tangly hair, and both have to be done properly, or her hair is a disaster. She'll start doing it all by herself soon enough; I'm not fussed.

NoComet · 01/09/2013 01:17

In theory, but given the number of bubbles in DD2(12) hair when I ran a nit comb through it, washing is one thing, rinsing it properly is quite another.

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