Feel like a servant in my own home

[slipperandpjsmum]

I am feeling sorry for myself. All I seem to do is run around after my dcs and never seem to get any thanks for anything I do. Its my birthday on Monday and nothing has been organised for this weekend. I sometimes feel if I disappeared the only time would notice is when they went to get a clean school uniform and it wasn't there!

Am I the only person who feels like this?

How old are your children? Could you give them more responsibilities?

delegate!! ....don't be a martyr!

All but the tiniest children are capable of helping out.

Sharpen boot soles, firmly plant on arses of those concerned.

Sorry, feel your pain, there's only so much nagging in my daily well, too.

What do you want to do for your birthday? Just announce it.

Only just saw this thread - hope your b-day was ok and that the ungrateful buggers at least got you a cup of tea in bed!

Just had a mega rant at 12 yo DS and ended with him having to make his own tea as I don't see why I should bother helping him when he can't do the tiniest job for me without a big argument.

Not sure I can offer any solutions, but plenty of sympathy here :(

Sympathy here too
I have 3 ds 10,13 and nearly 15 and tbh I'm wondering where I've gone wrong

When they were little they were all so good at helping out, tidying, getting along etc etc but I'd say for the past year I'm finding it harder and harder
They argue and physically fight, swear at each other, wind each other up....2 of them r lazy and I have to nag constantly for them to bring washing up down, put clothes in wash bin etc.....my middle ds is not to bad although he is good at the winding up!!
I've been a single parent for 9 years now and it's much harder now than it ever was

Its nice to know I am not alone - makes me feel better so thanks TheEpilator and Dee03 The constant nagging gets me down to and then the fall outs!

Might be wrong, but think it was LeQueen who said her dcs have a laminated chore list that has to be ticked off before and after school. Might be worth a shout out?

[will be shamelessly nicking ideas for my dcs 8 and 6 )

People will only treat you the way that you allow them to.

If you change your behaviour they will have to change theirs.

2 of the best pieces of advice I was ever given!

I'm exactly the same! - will watch this thread for ideas.

'delegate don't be a martyr' sounds like very good advice to me

brisk and cheerful and headteacherish often does it (though not always with teens)

and for the birthday, give them a reasonable idea of what you would like to happen and don't hang your contentment on the surprise element

(still harbouring painful memories of a big family birthday where the birthday mother had such enormous - but unspecified- expectations that it paralysed other family members from doing anything at all because they would only get it wrong; 30 years ago now and the memory is still fresh)

How about a chalk board with small lists of things that need to be done for everyone (including you - you can list everything you have to do & they can see how long it is compared to their smaller lists!)...then each person can tick each item as its completed & you can erase the lot when everything is finished (great sense of achievement). I use this when getting the house ready for parties/Christmas etc and it works really well.
The rest of the time unfortunately I suffer from being a nag like everyone else here! My DS's bedroom gets rediculously messy & I think he finds the thought of tidying it a bit daunting so I tidy it with him...tackling one thing at a time (clothes off floor, books on shelf, lego in boxes). I'm hoping that EVENTUALLY he will be confident enough to tackle it all himself