Dd age 8 having terrible trouble getting to sleep - why? Any advice?

[PiedWagtail]

DD has been having trouble getting to sleep for ages. She usually reads for a bit after her bath and puts her light out at 8 - but she's still awake now. :( She's over tired and emotional in the mornings and it's doing her no good. What can I try to help her? She has a cd player in her room to listen to soft music if she likes, she has a nightlight, we check on her, we walk about her worries sometimes before going to sleep, she says there's nothing bothering her..... help!! Any advice would be fab.

Sending sympathy and watching with interest as I could have written this about my DD, who is 8.5. With the added bonus of violent argumentativeness and refusal to do any of the bedtime routine things like hair, teeth etc unless threatened with removal of favourite toys, the CD player etc . Like you we have tried everything short of drugs. Physically she seems able to survive on 8 hours, but temperamentally she needs 11 - she was a different child during the hols when she could sleep til 10 in the morning. I am sure the awful temper in the evening is linked to anxiety about not sleeping, but she won't talk about what might be keeping her awake - just says she is not tired, it's her life, we can't tell her what to do etc etc. Makes me dread the teen years yet to come. Thanks for highlighting the pre-teen forum BTW - hadn't spotted and will now check frequently

Hi party :) Wasn't sure whether to post here or on behaviour and development, as 8 seems a leetle young for pre-teen, but she behaves like one so why not?! My dd sounds similar to yours - she's so silly at bedtime, hysterical laughter that often ends in tears. Gah.

My DD 8 has always been a good sleeper, but in the last few weeks has been waking at about 10.30, and can't then get back to sleep. She then gets very upset, and can be awake for hours. Are sleep problems common in 8 year olds?

I keep saying this let them go to bed later. If they are tired they will sleep. If they are not they will get in a tiz and be unable to sleep.
Applies just as much to 8,9,10 year olds as it does to toddlers.
Also at that age and older DD2 still liked her dad to play silly games and read to her, not simply go to sleep with a quick kiss.

Hmm I too have an 8 year old DD with this problem, she really struggles to 'switch off' at bedtime and yet is horribly tired - and as a consequence, her behaviour is occasionally horrible......... We think that she fights sleep as well, she is relutant to really snuggle down properly. Have tried soft music, story CDs etc but nothing seems to help, I'm not convinced that 'If they are tired they will sleep' always works.

Another one coming on to see if I've been posting and forgetting about it - my almost-8-yo DD is the same, though her insomnia does seem to go in patterns. So, I knew we were in for some late nights when the start of the new term came up. She doesn't really get angry or upset in the evening but it does make her snappy in the mornings, and she lacks concentration during the day.

I try not to get stressy about it with her, and we also use a CD player, though she prefers to listen to stories. If that's no good, I let her turn her light back on and read for a while - my philosophy is that, although she's not actually sleeping, she's resting in bed

Oh, and if I read to her at night, it seems to help, so I still read to her (pretends it's a chore but is enjoying revisiting some old childhood favourites really ).

Don't think I've helped much but can offer some more sympathy!

Massage is great for relaxation, especially if you use a couple of drops of lavender oil in the oil. I remember dd going through this phase and I learned how to do massage - well worth it.

Also, story CDs were helpful for us - she found a nice familiar story very soothing. Her favourite was "The owl who was afraid of the dark".

Another oner here, although our dd is nearly 8 (March). Snappiness and non compliance in the mornings! Sigh....
And yes, such a huge difference in temperament when, during the holidays, there wasn't the early get up. You can't make them go to sleep can you?

Last night dd was still awake at 11pm.....writing poetry!!!!!!! She said!

Us too. She's always struggled with getting to sleep tbh. She'll read quietly - but is trpearful in the mornings.

Today she farted around when DH came home at 9 - which ended up with the cat spoiling DHs dinner while he was taking her back upstairs for the umpteenth time, me shouting at her over her pushing things too far and then me crying because I really don't like finishing my day yelling at the kids.

So we've got the situation completely under control ...

I am not sure it's age. I have both an eight and a FOUR year old who do this.

Tonight they were up until half 10 :S :-0 the school term is going to be hell. During term they seem to pass out at earliest 9 o clock. I am seriously concerned for the 4 year old in particular. It's just not enough sleep.

The family are very much 'owls'. I think it may be genetic, hence why I am now wide awake at this hour and won't be able to sleep until half 1....

Ooh, been away from MN a couple of days and come back to find am in good company. Nice to know we haven't bred a unique kind of monster, but still v upsetting and puzzling - 8 is not one of the ages/stages you get warned about is it? Might try the massage idea - already using lavender oil on tne pillow, and a bit of touch might help heal some rifts .

My son (aged 9) seems to be having the same problem. It upsets me very much because I am an insomniac and know how frustrating it is when you are tired but can't fall asleep. That's why I'm not convinced about the "they'll sleep when they are tired" approach.

I have been fighting insomnia for years and, as a general rule of thumb, I would avoid any kind of visual stimulation a good couple of hours before bedtime- that is computer/ game console screens or even any exciting TV programme. I know it's not always possible but it's advisable to get some fresh air during the day (walk, run in the park). You should stick to the same routine throughout the week, including weekends. Lately I have been putting some lavender oil drops on a cuddly toy which DS takes to bed. You might want to try that on DD's pillow.

To be honest, I can't say that I have a miraculous solution...far from it... I have now personally resorted to hypnotherapy!

Let's just hope that this is a temporary stage in our children's lives.