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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

Don't want to send my daughter to Preschool until she is 4 - opinions please

19 replies

lvdk · 08/08/2008 01:21

Hello all,

My daughter is 3 in September and the preschool I want her to attend will only let her have a place in the Jan (after she is 3) if it is avaliable but prefer them to start the year they are 4 (next Sept).
This is fine with me, I am a SAHM, have a 6 month old son and would like to spend as much time with them, and have them spend as much time together as possible. We go to playgroups, my daughter interacts with other children very well, I have left her with grandparents and friends before and have no concerns over her social skills.
However...within my circle of friends ALL the other Mum's are sending there children to preschool at either 2 yrs 10 months or 3. I keep hearing..'it will be good for their social skills' or 'they will really enjoy it' and I feel like I am obliged to send my child to preschool and am selfish if I choose not to.
We read, go to the park, have day trips, sing, dance, cook - it is not like I plonk her in front of the TV all day.
Just wondered if anyone else was feeling this pressure or if you have opinions about this.
Thanks.

OP posts:

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PhyllidaPoisson · 08/08/2008 01:26

Do what you think is best for your family.
Ignore all witterings from others.
It sounds like your DD has a lovely life.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 08/08/2008 01:28

God no, start her as late as you like

1dilemma · 08/08/2008 01:34

Do what you want your dd your decision.
Doesn't sound like she'd miss out.
I would do the same in your position!!

brimfull · 08/08/2008 01:51

do what you want

mine were gagging to go by 3 though,but makes no odds really

sunnydelight · 08/08/2008 09:28

Do what you think is right for your family which sounds like keeping her at home. My DD (5) could have started school here in Oz in January but doesn't have to go until next year so I sent her to pre-school for 2 days a week instead mainly so that we can do fun stuff and enjoy her last year at home. All the English people I know here think I'm mad as they're always moaning about how late kids start school and trying to get them in early (because they are all soooo intelligent and ready for it you know ). I'm constantly expected to justify my decision so I sympathise, but stick to your guns!

fishie · 08/08/2008 09:35

ds is starting in sept at 3.6 but only because they have suddenly magicked up a place for him at last minute, he was going to wait till 4 otherwise.

i too was a bit surprised to have people questioning this as if he was going to miss out. far too much emphasis on schools in this country, i know it is not formal education but still....

lilymolly · 08/08/2008 09:40

i too was quite keen for dd to start nursery in easter 09 she is 3 in jan, but once I visited nursery for a chat the teacher said that until they start in their pre school year at 4 yr old, they pretty much just do what play group does, free play, teaching them routines etc. This can be done at home.
So I decided to wait until sept 09 when she will be 3.9. then she will have full year at pre school ready to move to normal school

HOWEVER.....I am now pregnant due March 09 so MAY send dd a couple of afternoons a week in easter to spend some time alone with baby

Its up to you......all my friends cant wait till their child starts nursery, but I think we want ours to grow up too quick.

They will be in school from 4 -16.....thats 12 years........its enough I think x

MrsBates · 08/08/2008 09:46

Keep her at home - it goes so fast and you love her company - why change it?

There are lots of reasons you might send a child to school but needing it for social skills is nonsense - drives me nuts. Unless she is at home in a fish tank she is learning social skills from you and the wider world all the time. In fact the whole phrase 'social skills' gives me hives.

Granted some people might be better off learning how to cope with the world from people other than their parents, but not in your case.

SilentTerror · 08/08/2008 09:48

I felt exactly the same with my third child,DD2,who I thought would be my last.
She was such good company at 3 that I left her at home with me untilshe was nearly 4.
However,my last child,DD3,is a totally different matter!
She is the youngest of 4 DCs by a margin of 6 years,and is desperate to go to pre school for 2 mornings,starting sept when she will be nearly 3.She really only mixes with much older children,the friends of her siblings,so could do with some peer group interaction,ifyswim!
Plus,I am quite looking forward to a bit of free time after 18 years of childcare,naughty selfish mummy that I am
Do what is right for you.

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2008 09:49

You (and she) are very lucky to have a september baby. She'll have a whole year of pre-school, which is quite normal.

My DD is a July birthday, so will start school just after she turns 4

I'm quite jealous of you!

onwardandupward · 08/08/2008 09:50

4 is plenty early enough.

The legal age in the uK of the term after 5 is plenty early enough IMO... (education before that is completely optional)

PuppyMonkey · 08/08/2008 09:55

Do what the heck you like, long as you're happy and she's happy - who says you have to do what everyone else is doing?

witchandchips · 08/08/2008 09:55

Around the age of 3, children do become more social and seem to really relish other children. This is the age where they start playing together properly (and boy is it lovely to watch). This does not need to happen in a pre-school enviroment but think if you are not sending her to nursery then it might be an idea to make sure that she can spend time with other children fairly regularly.

Miaou · 08/08/2008 09:56

You just have to do what is right for your child! Ds1 is just three (and a week!) and will be starting nursery in two weeks' time. But he is definitely ready for it and will benefit hugely from the things they do there; specifically, they have sand and water play, there will be stories, dressing up and role-playing toys - all things he loves but we don't have either the time/resources for at home or the playgroups we attend. It also means I can give his baby brother some one-to-one attention and (hopefully) get a bit of a break myself when ds2 is asleep (hahahahaha). If I felt he wouldn't enjoy it I would have no qualms whatsoever about not sending him until next year.

One of the women I attend playgroup with is not sending her dd (3.5) to playgroup for another year. She feels she is not ready and wants her to stay at home for now. She will still have some peers at playgroup and get the social interaction, but stll have time with her mum.

FossilSister · 08/08/2008 10:07

Don't send her. She's not missing out. She can play with you and do cooking and painting and even shopping/ cleaning etc. I would resist the pressure! Other Mums have their reasons for sending - childcare, a break, social whatever and all valid, but it doesn't feel right to me yet either.

MrsWeasley · 08/08/2008 10:07

My DS only went to pre-school after he was 4.
He was offered a place earlier but he hated it so he only actually went regularly for a term before going to school (he would have been 4.5 then) He didn't have any problems settling into school and doesn?t have any social problems either.

IMHO It very much depends on the child and the parent.

The people who commented on DS not attending pre-school were the ones who moaned constantly about the DC.
I personally loved being home and doing things with my DC. I know lots of parents who don?t paint, play dough or cook with their children because they don?t want the mess!

Mercy · 08/08/2008 10:09

Ds didn't go to nursery until he was 3.7, he hardly ever went to toddler group as he didn't like it.

He settled in with no problems.

jollydo · 08/08/2008 12:25

I agree with the others, do what you want. Ignore all comments from others!! People do seem surprised these days when a 3 (or even 4!) year old isn't in pre-school but several years ago it wasn't uncommon at all, it's just the new trend for them to go earlier. You know your child best and if you know she's doing fine at home / going out and about with you, then enjoy your time with her. My ds is 4 1/2, has never been to pre-school, and his social skills are great (In my unbiased opinion .)

Original poster

lvdk · 08/08/2008 20:39

Ah, you are all lovely - THANK YOU !! You have all made me feel so much better about my decision. Isn't it terrible when you are surrounded by people with such different opinions that you have to questions your on judgement!!!
Hurrah, another year (and a bit) at home with my darling girl and her baby brother....bring on the play doh !!!!

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