Should I raise concerns about how preschool handled my child's accident?

[Jo198609]

Hi mums. My 3y old started pre school last week. He had few accidents including today. He was accident free for very long time before he started pre school. He is talking a lot and love pretend to play. He is often playing "preschool" And now I heard him saying that he pee himself and saying back "I'm not happy take your pants down". I asked him straight away who said that, he told me the lady... It made me quite sad as I spoke with the stuff that maybe he needs extra support as he didn't had any accidents before and we noticed now at home they happen more and more...i would always tell him accidents happen it's ok...Is it appropriate to say stuff like that or should I speak with them on Monday?

I never told my kids it was ok when they had an accident - wee on the floor is not ok. I wasn't cross, but I was very much of the opinion that wee and poo goes in the potty/toilet.
Also, he's three. Pinch of salt.

There is a big difference between accidents at pre school and home. You maybe underestimate how much support you are providing, and they are encouraging more independence.

As i mentioned he didn't had accidents until he started preschool which may be distressing itself so in my opinion it's bit unprofessional to say stuff like that in preschool setting

He would call he have to go or go on his own. From time he started pre school he started to wet himself quite often even at home which didn't happen before day and night. I fully understand they trying to make them more independent and fully support that but statement "I'm not happy take your pants down" doesn't sound too professional in my opinion

I agree with you Op. I’d ask about it on Monday.

I would not accuse them of saying that. He may feel he is being told off but context is everything. Have they been prompting him to go, he say no and then have the accident. Ask them what the system they use, the input he needs to make and try to do similar at home. Routine there will differ to yours. He needs to know that he should ask to go, ideally in plenty of time, who to ask and where to go. Is there something about the toilets he does not like perhaps or having to wait his turn?

I don't wanna point fingers to no one but he really he would tell me before he wasn't listening and lady told him to stop it or he wasn't sitting and lady told him to sit on his bottom so I'm quite confident they could say that to him when he pee himself. After those accidents he would always have accident at home and as normally he would told me mummy I had accident he would just stand still till I notice... He had 3 days before that without wetting himself so I don't think he got any problem with going, I think it's just new place new things and he forget sometimes..

Accidents by definition are something we have no control over. I think this approach is wrong and unkind.

OP, I would be upset about this and you should always listen to your child. Speak to the manager. They need to know that you are aware this may have been said.

At pre school, your little boy may have been distracted by everything which was happening and unfortunatly it was too late,
and the sphincter muscles are not strong at the age of 3 so the staff member should not have have shamed him.

I suggest you do your best to find out if your DS was told this in a private space, such as the bathroom or out in the open.

Hoping of course that your childs' dignity was respected.

A true accident is, but accident in the context of weeing in their pants is a euphemism. It's not beyond his control, as the OP has said, he's fine most of the time. He gets distracted and doesn't listen to his body and leaves it too late. The idea that it's ok to wee on the floor is confusing and incorrect for a child. You can still be kind without giving the impression it's a suitable alternative to using a toilet if you are busy or can't be bothered to go.