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Preschool education

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Three year old very upset at preschool and struggling to settle

11 replies

Heybear23 · 07/09/2026 23:38

Hi, my 3 year old has recently started preschool. Hes not been to nursery before this. I occasionally leave him with my cousins and their kids or neighbour and kids for an hour or 2 and he loves usually loves it. He doesnt cry, especially at my cousins house whos kids he loves. He literally would refuse to come home with me. Hes a big mamas boy generally and is quite attached, since new born. I work part time and hes used to that, whilst he stays with his nan. Personality wise, he is very shy in new environments, he whispers in my ear instead of talking out loud. Sometimes hes okay, other times he asks to go home and gets really upset when its busy in a restaurant or something. He loves the shopping centre though and arcades which are generally busy.
Last week he started on Thursday and friday for 1 hour 15 mins each time. He went in happily and excited, he was really looking forward to it. The teachers however told me he was absolutely uncontrollable. Both these days I came and he was still crying.
Today (monday) he had a 3 hour session. He cried that he didnt want to change and cried at drop off and other children even cried seeing him. 1 hour in they tried to call me but I didnt recieve any call, they wanted me to pick him up. They said he was uncontrollable, clinging on to 1 specific teacher, and absolutely terrified of the bell. She said she left to use the toilet and he cried hysterically. He did however eventually stop crying but I think it was more towards home time.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? How long did your kids take to settle? It breaks my heart that im doing this to him although I know its not causing harm. Hes such a sweet boy whos kind, caring, loves to play but he doesnt touch any toys at preschool. The teacher said he finally just walked around and watched other kids and spoke to the teacher a little bit. Hes so shy sometimes but also such a scared child. I live with my siblings, husband and parents and he loves everyone and is very happy at home. Hes very much loved and adored.

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Heybear23 · 07/09/2026 23:41

Just to add, the teacher has recommended i pick him up after an hour tomorrow and slowly lengthen the time hes there

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Highfivemum · 07/09/2026 23:44

Yes one of my DC was just like this. To be honest they are still the same now at 8. It was just his personality and I didnt want to change that. You just need to be a constant but adjust him slowly to his new setting. Don’t follow what other children are doing. Go with the suggestion. It will improve when it gets familiar with him. I stayed for the first week with my DC. Then the next a stayed For half the session and gradually cut it done till they were settled. Best of luck

Anothercake · 08/09/2026 06:49

Well at the moment it is causing harm as he's traumatised. I'd shorten the sessions and if he doesn't need to be there consider pulling him out and starting again in reception when he's a bit older. My oldest was the same, hated it and started waking up screaming at night. What helped us was:

  • shortened sessions
  • going in late once the other kids were settled and playing
  • me going in too and staying with him while he found something he was interested in to play with
  • him taking a special cuddly in
  • picking up early
He did settle, and then really enjoyed it, but if he hasn't I'd have pulled him out. He initially did two short sessions a week, then three normal for most of the year. The final six weeks we did four sessions.
Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 08:34

Anothercake · 08/09/2026 06:49

Well at the moment it is causing harm as he's traumatised. I'd shorten the sessions and if he doesn't need to be there consider pulling him out and starting again in reception when he's a bit older. My oldest was the same, hated it and started waking up screaming at night. What helped us was:

  • shortened sessions
  • going in late once the other kids were settled and playing
  • me going in too and staying with him while he found something he was interested in to play with
  • him taking a special cuddly in
  • picking up early
He did settle, and then really enjoyed it, but if he hasn't I'd have pulled him out. He initially did two short sessions a week, then three normal for most of the year. The final six weeks we did four sessions.

Ahhh I went to play badminton last night and my husband told me he woke up crying😭 I feel so bad im doing this to him. I will drfinitely take the suggestions and speak to his teachers. She did already tell me about shorter sessions, or if I went in with him for a little while till he settled.
Thank you so much for the suggestions

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Bluenotgreen · 08/09/2026 08:41

Yes I had this problem with DD. The pre school said they couldn’t provide 1;1 for her long term so I took her out and tried again nine months later and she was fine then.

Iloveeverycat · 08/09/2026 09:18

Are they nearer 3 than 4. My 4 only went to playschool only for the year before they went to school maybe he is just not ready yet.

Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 11:17

Bluenotgreen · 08/09/2026 08:41

Yes I had this problem with DD. The pre school said they couldn’t provide 1;1 for her long term so I took her out and tried again nine months later and she was fine then.

I wull definitely speak to the teachers and see what they think, I think maybe this would be best as he clearly isnt ready

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Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 11:19

Iloveeverycat · 08/09/2026 09:18

Are they nearer 3 than 4. My 4 only went to playschool only for the year before they went to school maybe he is just not ready yet.

His birthday is in April, so hes closer to 3 id say. Maybe he isnt ready just yet hmmm.. he would cry to go to school hearing how other kids went, he was getting bored at home and loves playing with kids, he showed me all the signs of him being ready. He speaks so well too, but maybe he just isn't. How would I know he is ready?

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Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 13:02

Hes even worse today than ever. I also feel worse than ever

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Anothercake · 08/09/2026 14:58

Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 13:02

Hes even worse today than ever. I also feel worse than ever

That's so tough for both of you. I'd pull him out. Others will say he may be the same in reception and he might, but it's still one less year of him being miserable and distraught and living in a constant fight or flight stress response.

Heybear23 · 08/09/2026 15:08

Anothercake · 08/09/2026 14:58

That's so tough for both of you. I'd pull him out. Others will say he may be the same in reception and he might, but it's still one less year of him being miserable and distraught and living in a constant fight or flight stress response.

Ive been thinking the same. I might give it a few more days I think as today he cried a little less but still telling them to call me every few mins. The dinner bell apparently is the worst as he gets really scared with it. They said do 1 hour sessions only first. They said hes speaking more and he went outside himself today and said his language skills are quite good

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