Private preschool wants separate meeting after I disclosed my child is autistic

[SnappyCat26]

Hi all,

I've been applying for preschools in private nurseries so far, and called a local private provider (who owns & manages 3 term-time nurseries - not named for privacy reasons). When I called via WhatsApp (and in previous email communications), she seemed quite happy to be getting on with the process, accepted childcare vouchers, seemed friendly, and even invited us for a stay 'n' play in September. When she asked for child's age I disclosed that she was 4, and going for a delayed entry to Reception (so we'd need the preschool in said day nursery from Sep '26 - June '27) due to her Neurodivergence (ND) - autism and ADHD.

It was going fine until I disclosed why, and answered (when prompted) that she hadn't been in any Nursery setting previously and preschool would be the first time she'd be left without her CG for long periods of time (we want preschool so we can prepare her for Reception, to expose her to being with other little kids & teach her how to make friends) - then she asked for an individual meetup before the main Open Day to see us both (before term starts, later on this month). It was listed on the Council's & nursery's website that they 'have a wealth of knowledge with SEND' and are equipped to support ND children.

This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't mentioned that my child was autistic. Is this fair or not?

This is a positive thing, they will want to meet you and your child so they can ensure that they put the correct support in place to effectively support your child’s needs. School will do the same thing when the time comes.

Perhaps the meeting is to discuss with you how they plan on supporting your daughter, or to explain to you the procedures and policies on caring for SEND children?

Your daughter’s autism and ADHD will be different from all other autistic and ADHD children they’ve cared for. I imagine they want to find out from you what she is like and how best they can help her transition?

I would personally be surprised if a meeting hadn’t been offered before the start of term, neurodivergence or not.

I would imagine she wants to get to see you do you can have a proper discussion about your daughter's needs and to make sure they can meet those needs!
This is a really positive thing and something you'll need to get used to with a ND child.

This is your opportunity to highlight any particular things they will need to be aware of with your DD and to ensure that it's the right place for her.

A good setting always has a meeting to discuss a child’s SEN to understand them and their needs better. In my eyes it’s a sign of a good provider.

Yabvvvu

What exactly is your complaint here? That a nursery wants to meet you on a quiet occasion so they can understand your DC’s needs before you come to a busy Open Day when there won’t be time to properly discuss anything?

So what - you’d rather they just said “sure, join, the more the merrier!” And just chuck her in with the other kids and hope for the best?

You dc has special needs. The clue is in the name. She will always need special treatment.

I wouldn’t want your dc in my preschool because you sound like one of those hyperparents who will forever imagining discrimination and picking holes in everything and panicking that their little darling has been upset for more than 30 seconds.

Oh and by the way - the dictionary also defines discrimination as “the ability to recognize a difference between one thing and another; a difference that is recognized”.

If educational settings ignore the fact your dc is different, she will have a terrible time as school. She NEEDS the preschool to be discriminating - to determine if her autism presents in a way that they can manage.

Thanks for helping me to see it this way. I thought it was like a screening (to see if child is suitable/reject them for being 'too autistic'), but I realise it's to determine what support is needed.

Yes absolutely they should want a meeting. Any suggestion of SEND they should absolutely be looking at additional needs and planning what support would be required.

Surely that’s a good thing so you can discuss your child’s needs?

You are being hugely unreasonable to see this as a bad thing!

I have been a senco for many years and would always request a meeting to assess need before they started.

@Shinyandnew1 Yes I realise now, I just have RSD. Thanks for the reply tho, getting this from a SENCo is rlly helpful.

In the call she said something like "I'm going to arrange a pre-meeting [....] to assess your child's needs and suitability [...] for a preschool setting."

What the Nursery Manager (probably) meant: We're arranging a meeting to determine how best to support your child, get to know her, and get all the access arrangements put in place (as we're proud to be a SEND-friendly preschool).

What I thought: This is a screening assessment (like an interview - don't judge my thoughts) that will determine if DC is allowed to go to the next stage - stay 'n' play Open Day + preschool itself - but only ND children have to do this.

Thanks for the kind support on this thread (except one Mumsnetter...🙄) ❤ I know that some ppl have a stereotype of autistic children being violent and anti-social, which is the complete opposite of how my child is - caring, empathetic and outgoing.

If they accept Early Years funding they cannot easily refuse your dc a place(which I believe is your concern) due to SEND. Hopefully this is a positve indication of their process to put support in place and discuss strategies to integrate her.