Ds's behaviour at nursery is going downhill, why?

[ComeOVeneer]

DS is usually pretty good both at nursery and at home, but the past couple of weeks he has deteriorated at nursery. 3 times this week I have been told he was badly behaved and ended up on the naughty carpet as he was constantly saying "no" when told to do things. Today when I picked him up I was told they had another bad morning and he wasn't allowed the little chocolate bar everyone had been given by a little girl whose birthday it was.

The thing is he hasn't changed his behaviour at home, (don't get me wrong, he is no angel but certainly hasn't deteriorated). So why is he now so naughty at nursery? Do you think he is just testing boundaries perhaps? I've tried talking to him but don't get much sense out of a 3 year old!

Any thoughts anyone?

Hello - I'm afraid I can't be much help, it could be many things. My DS2 went through a phase of being naughty at nursery too (he's 2.8)However, I had just had another baby and think it may have been a jealousy thing. So made a point of spending a special afternnon with just him & me - lots of cuddles & attention, rather than the usual just 'telling him off scenario' which we had got ourselves into.
Seemed to work.

They have a naughty carpet at nursery ?

Has there been a staffing change at nursery or another significant event? Maybe he is feeling overwhelmed by changes if they have happened there, especially as his behaviour is normal at home.

I can't believe they are putting him on a naughty carpet though. They should be talking to him about his behaviour, role modelling and positvely reinforcing all the good things he does. I do think it could be a boundary thing if nothing at nursery has changed but I am really surprised the response has been to stick him on the naughty carpet. Children have to learn to say 'no', of course they do for protection of themselves if for nothing else, but they also need to learn that there are some people/situations they do not say 'no' to, the adults at the nursery should be teaching him the difference between the two.

If it is for things like tidying up, then DD was exactly like this and at 4.2 still has her moments. We have a system now that if I ask her 3 times to do something and she refuses, she loses priviledges. But we do make a point of bigging her up when she does something we have asked her to do with praise and cuddles etc.

Do you not think a naughty carpet is suitable then? We use the naughty step at home. They don't send the children there straight away, they are given ample opportunity to do as they have been told and sent if they fail to comply. AFAIK there have been no changes at nursery.

I think they should have some pre-planned place that they can remove chidren to AS A LAST RESORT, after trying all the things lazylou said. Are they calling it a naughty carpet or is that your interpretation? Could be a 'quiet' carpet or similar.

Something is bothering him. Could be as simple as he wants the trains and they haven't been out this week. Does he have a keyworker? He/she should be spending time with him and seeing what triggers his defiant phases.

He referrs to it as the naughty carpet so I am assuming that is what it is refered to as. I do belive they don't send him too readily, they give ample opportunity for him to comply. I know he has a strong will, but I am worried he is becoming a trouble maker and we will have problems at school (ever the optomist me! )

I'm not against having a place for 'time out' to allow the children a break from whatever issue it is they are dealing with at the time, or to give the other children a break from the behaviour (because this often has to be taken into consideration too) but in every nursery I have ever worked in, the word 'naughty' is pretty much like a swear word so I'm surprised the staff are labelling the area as such.

I agree with Happystory that there should be a designated person (or 2) that are observing his behaviour and aiming to find out what triggers him off. It could be something as simple as not having the equipment out that he would like to play with, although generally, children should be free to choose the things they want to play with. Maybe something has happened between him and another child that causes your DS to react in the way he does. Again, the only real way of knowing is to observe and see if there are any triggers.

I wouldn't worry that he is becoming a trouble maker or that he will have problems at school. It could just be a boundary testing issue, but I would suggest that you speak to the nursery and ask them to observe him to find out what it is likely to be. Once they have an idea, they will be able to work out strategies to help him overcome whatever issues are making him behave in this way.

Are the nursery consistent in their approach with DS? IME, some nursery staff view some incidents as really bad, whereas others interpret it as something not as bad. This leads to inconsistencies and confusion for the child. Maybe the nursery staff need to have another look at their own behavioural policy to ensure they are all working to the same behavioural requirements?