My 3 year daughter was poked between the eyes by another child

[Jay12]

My 3 year old daughter had a puncture wound as the result of another boy poking a stick between her eyes. She needed eight stitches.

This happened on Friday lunchtime. In the words of my daughter she was chased by a boy, who caught her, then poked the stick into her forehead. The 3 teacher assistants who were covering the lunch playground session did not see the incident. My daughter was discovered walking towards the nursery door with her head down, quietly crying. When asked by the teacher what happened she said the boy had hit her with a stick. The boy does not admit this.

The teachers have said because the boy is boisterous he tends to get blamed for all ills, plus they say he now tends to sheepishly admit to any wrong doing.

My daughter did not fall, because there is no grazes on her hands or knees. There is no brusing on the nose. There are cameras in the playgroud but they don't cover the principal area where my daughter was hit.

I am shocked this has happened. At first I spoke with the teachers on Friday afternoon (having come back from the hospital), but they don't believe my daugther, and that rather accidents happen!!

In this state of emotional anxiety, please can anyone suggest what I can do and what I should expect from the school?

I did take pictures to record the damage done. My daughter is actually fine, but she, of her own volition has said she does not want to go back to nursery as the boy may attack her again.

• no idea what I would do - I would be furious - I do hope you dd is ok - bless her and I am not suprised she doesn't want to go back

what an awful thing to happen, and she is so young. I'm wondering what sort of stick this little boy had that he can do enough damage to need eight stitches!

And also it's worrying that no one saw what happened and they don't believe your daugher.

In my experience, a three year old wouldn't make this up.

It seems to me that the problem is not so much with the boy who did or didn't do it, but with the lack of supervision. It's hard to see how three carers could all have missed seeing an accident which led to eight stitches.

Hi,

Sorry to hear that this has happened and i hope that your daughter is ok.

Its pretty bad that the staff don't believe your daughter. We have a little boy at our school who is boisterous, but children of this age are generally honest and tell the truth (as much as they can). Accidents can happen, but being poked is not an accident !

Are you generally happy with the nursery and level of care? If not i would be seriously tempted to look for alternative arrangements.

hugs

Oooggs
Yes, furious too, but also deeply emotional by it, lots of guilt over the weekend. Friends and family have said I should rage/sue?! But I'm not that type. Nonetheless I'm going to go tomorrow with a determination to understand how they will act in light of my daughter's anxieties, plus what if it happens to another child and god forbid again with my daugher.

Belgo
At first I thought she was making it up, not so much that it wasn't the truth, but the impact of the wound was so deep that I thought it can only happened because she fell. Now, as she has spoken of it over the weekend, I know she is telling the truth. There's too many specifics.

I guess I'm looking for some advice as to how to hold my nerve tomorrow when I meet the head, but also to have realistic demands. I won't send my daughter until the wound heals, which may take a few weeks. Every time she talks and frowns the stitches move slightly, thus I don't think it will heal easily.

Message withdrawn

GoblinValley,
Yes very satisfied with the school, the teachers and the whole ethos. However only now have I pondered on other aspects to my daughter's well being. The ratio of boys to girls is 3:1. The boys appear to be boisterous, and seem particularly led by this one boy - having now realised the stories both from my daughter and other parents. On this basis, I'm not sure if I want her going through primary with this group (the nursery is part of a primary school). I also have another child in year one in this school. However I'm considering having her go to another school because of the boy/girl ratio. Saying that, I know the school will be good in developing these boys into well behaved children, it's jus t the nursery has its ups and downs.

I can't advise on how to deal or keep your cool - I would have to send dh as I would be in there like a bull in a china shop ranting and raving

Infact I am now and she isn't my dd - blimey if anything like that happened to any one of mine............

wishing you luck and strength and cuddles and hugs to dd

please make sure that your dd knows that YOU believe her and that you will always believe her

a nasty incident like this is unpleasant, but not being believed by adults could be more upsetting for her in the long run IMO

Bluestocking,
I agree. I think this will be my main point. Particularly as the boy is known to be boisterous. However, I do agree, you can't see every incident, and I guess no-one would expect that chasing would result in a malicious attack such as this. I also doubted my daugher as the wound was deep (you could see the bone on the skull/forehead!) I just couldn't image a boy would have the strength/will do to this. Nonethless, I'm convinced now.

Also have the cameras improve the angles to ensure wider coverage. Also the supervisors to be more vigilant. But can i demand that they take some action with the child, i.e. put him under monitoring/supervison process?

Make sure that you ask what the ratio is at playtime for adults to children of that age.
Was it just nursery children in the playground or older children as well? (Foundation ok, KS1 not normally allowed to mix)
Are children allowed to play with sticks or stones? (not allowed in our infant school) Do they consider it an unfortunate accident or could they have been more vigilant? (Especially with that age group)

Thanks FrannyZooey, yes you're about that. The guilt is that at first I didn't believe her, although thankfully I didn't say it as so, just questioning her. But she's got lots of cuddles and pressies over the weekend as family have been a boon. My niece told her to bust the boys nose! , so she's getting varying advice!

Sorry, you can't insist on anything to do with the boy. They only have your dd's word against his.

How old is the boy? Is he only 3, too? I think phrases such as "malicious attack" are a little over the top when talking about a 3 yr old? Boys can be v boisterous comapred to girls. I think your issue should be with the supervision of the children - not the boy.

I think it is reasonable to ask what steps they will be taking to try and prevent this happening in the future - but I don't think you can specify how they handle the boy's behaviour.

Ah, that makes it more complicated.

Our school is also 3:1 in favour of the boys, but i have a son, and the staff do a wonderful job of controlling that many young boys

I think i would speak to the head and express your concerns about the lack of supervision and the disbelieving of your daughter. Why would they believe this lad over her? Did any of the other children see what happened?

Could you stay with your daughter for a while as a helper to see what goes on, reassure her whilst scouting the place out? Oh, and check the playground for hidden areas that really should be out of bounds if the staff can't easily see whats going on.

good luck

A doctor would probably be able to tell how the injury occured - fall, a blow, etc.

I'd ask the GP to look at it and assess this.

Then go back to the head about it.

I'm a bit shocked at these adults not believing 3-year-olds.

Jay, I am really sorry to hear that you and your poor DD are suffering. As the staff don't actually know that it was this particular boy who was the culprit, it would be difficult for them to agree to supervise him particularly closely. In your position, I think I would want their assurance that all children will be more closely supervised when the opportunity for boisterous play is given - and that includes indoors as well as outdoors. What kind of playground is it? Are there a lot of sticks on the ground to pick up? Because if there are, and it wouldn't be practical to remove them, then the children have to be trained to understand that sticks are not acceptable toys, and if anyone picks up a stick they will be told in no uncertain terms to put it down again.
I hope you get a satsifactory resolution. I completely agree with F&Z that it's most important that your DD knows that you believe her, and that you're doing all you can to make sure this doesn't happen again, to her or to anyone else.

Oh no, I completely understand why you doubted her at first
it is really hard to believe that this could happen between two 3 y os as you say

very sorry to hear of it

Not nice. Poor dd.

What did the doctor at the hospital say about the wound? Did she have to have an xray?

really sorry to read about your daughter's injury, stitches must have been traumatic as well as the incident itself

can i tentatively suggest that your focus be directed towards the nursery's staff ratios/supervision/access to sticks rather than towards the 3 year old boy when you go to speak to the nursery? most nurseries I know of won't even tell you the name of the other child involved in any incident - I would say they have been quite unprofessional to tell you who else was involved (of course, we all know our kids will tell us anyhow but that's not the point).

as an aside, I'm not sure how cctv would have helped in this case?

Thanks for all the replies. Lots of food for thought. I agree on the points that targetting the boy isn't something I should pursue, more about the general supervision and to be watchful of over zealous play. I don't think it was malicous as such, just the severity of the wound and the nature of it is disturbing. I still can't quite believe another child could do this. The playground does have a few trees and the wind I imagine has laid these to the ground. The other aspect is that currently half the playground is undergoing refurbishment, so the play area is more restricted. Not sure this is that relevant, but there are other safety aspects that can be called into question, ie concrete weights to hold down fences, bolts and screws being left around (I found a few when I went to the school on Friday). The teaching staff are in fact very good and are receptive, and I'm sure will listen to our concerns to bring my daughter back into the nursery with confidence. That's a point I guess I will be stressing, and that I need to have some assurance that we can gain back their trust, particularly on the aspect of better supervision during playtimes and perhaps more experienced supervision. The supervisors at the time of the incident were all teaching assistants and not actual teachers.