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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

Do I have to have a party for my 3 year old?

15 replies

mummyloveslucy · 08/01/2008 20:17

My daughter will be 3 in March and is at Nursery. She has been to several birthday partys of other children but isn't that keen on them really. She spends most of the time on my knee.
Do you think the other mums at the nursery will mind if I don't have a party for her? She would be so much happier taking one friend to the zoo or a quiet tea party at home. I'd rather have a big party for her next year or whenever I think she'd really enjoy it.

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MamaG · 08/01/2008 20:17

of course not, do whatever makes your DD happy and sod the other mums!

Chardonnay1966 · 08/01/2008 20:19

The other mums probably won't even notice!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 08/01/2008 20:27

Your right, I don't see the need to spend loads on a party that is only to keep the other mums happy. I hope they don't notice and if they do "sod em"!

OP posts:

clareyooo · 08/01/2008 20:40

there are going to be soooo many stressful parties that you will HAVE to give in the future that if you can avoid one now, all the better!!!

LynetteScavo · 08/01/2008 20:44

Of course you don't have to have one. No one will notice atall if you don't. I must say though, even though DS1 never enjoyed parties in general, he has always enjoyed his own, so she might like a small one next year.

stockings · 08/01/2008 20:46

Have your baby on Christmas day like I did and you never have to do it. All planned of course.

funnypeculiar · 08/01/2008 20:49

Course not. Tbh, they may not notice
Maybe you could do something low key with a couple of her mates (meal out? soft play session?)

TurkeyLurkey · 08/01/2008 20:50

No way! Have a nice tea party for her at home. No one will mind or even bat an eyelid.

I made the mistake of thinking I needed to do big parties for my DS (now nearly 7 - and mainly to please other people so I thought). He said to me the other day "Mum, you know you did big parties for my friends and then a small tea party for family for my birthdays...well, errr.. can I just have the small family tea party as I don't actually like the big parties!"

Bless him! Why on earth did I put him through that! Made me feel a right git for forcing him to enjoy his big parties.

Nemoandthefishes · 08/01/2008 20:55

If she is in nursery and you would like a celebration ask them if you can send birthday cake in for snack time. I did that for ds 3rd birthday..sent cake to playgroup they all sang happy birthday had cake and then carried on as normal..lol

Rantmum · 08/01/2008 20:57

I once heard that if you have a party (and this is by no means necessary!) it is best to limit it to the number of childrent that your child is old. So why not invite 2-3 close friends for an hour, keep it low key, some songs, stories, play and cake. Then you have a playdate/party that is not too intimidating?

lizziemun · 08/01/2008 21:57

DD1 is 4 at the end of jan and i have never paid for a party for her.

We do a little tea party for her and 4 or 5 of her freinds at home and they play with her toys and have fun with no pressure.

In fact last year it was commented on how hers was the only one where no child had a meltdown.

I still do party bags and birthday cakes and party food.

katebee · 11/01/2008 11:44

My daughter will also be three in March. I'm planning to just invite a couple of friends for her (the Mums will stay) and the children will play with toys followed by party lunch. I might do a larger party at a soft play place next year (4) and invite all the nursery children then...I followed this pattern with my older child and it seemed to work well. The only thing I'm worried about is that if I were to invite only one or two from nursery this year, would the other mums find out and be offended? so maybe I will invite a couple of her friends from other groups (music or swimming).

Lulushmulu · 12/01/2008 20:51

Why not ask her to choose, say, 3 friends to invite round to play and have tea or lunch? Don't call it a party.

Also, have it on a weekend. The problem with parties straight after preschool on a weekday are that the kids talk about where they're going next and some get upset if they're not invited.

If there are any complaints (which I doubt) then you can say that you had to limit the numbers because of space (if you live in a mansion - lie), asked her to choose 3 but sadly their child was not one of the chosen ones. Then it takes the responsibility off you. But I really doubt if anyone will even know it's her birthday let alone be offended.

Smithagain · 13/01/2008 21:57

DD1's third birthday party consisted of a traditional birthday tea (party hats, paper plates, sausages on sticks, big cake etc), attended by me, DH and two of her grandparents. We all entered into the spirit and she loved it. In fact it is one of her earliest memories (now five and a half).

In other words, do what SHE wants to do. It's her birthday. I know one parent who bitterly regrets her daughter's big bash of a third birthday party because her daughter couldn't cope with all the fuss and spent the whole time crying in the kitchen.

If anyone comments, hold your head high and say you are being guided by what your daughter wants to do, not social pressure.

cory · 16/01/2008 18:54

My opinion has always been that when you go to another child's party you reciprocate by taking a present. End of obligation.

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