Tips on getting dd to Nursery without crying her eyes out please?

[Marne]

Dd has been going to nursery for a month, all started well but in the past week she has been getting herself worked up and upset about going. She crys when she wakes up until i leeve her at nursery, 5 minutes after i leeve she is fine. The trouble is she gets herself worked up so much she is almost sick and them i have to lie to her to get her to the car without causing a sceene outside.

I don't want to lie to her but the only way i can get her in the car without being sick is to tell her i will stay at nursery with her

Then when we get to nursery she is dragged off of me crying, i look through the window on the way out and she looks fine (playing etc) and when i pick her up she tells me what a great time she has had etc.

How can i get her through the door with less upset?

Also how can i stop myself from getting upset?

Bump

Just picked dd up and she has not eaten all day.

I think perhaps reality is kicking in and she realises that this is something she has to do everyday..tell her that big children go to school,mummy to work and dc to nursery.Stress the nice things she does when she is there.What is her keyworker like?Do you like her and trust her?DC s pick up on so much.How old is your dd?

Her key worker is great and dd gets on well with her,i trust her and i think the nursery is of high standards. This is the 2nd nursery dd has been too as the last one was not as nice.

Dd is 3.8 but bright for her age, she has worked out if she is ill she wont have to go so try's it on with a little fake cough.

if you work tell her you are going for a while to earn money to buy her toys (it worked for one of mine, the other one said we had enough, quite rightly).

Or tell her you are going to do something she hates (in our case shopping) while she has fun here, so you have more time to play with her yourself later.

I tried telling her i was taking dd2 to see the doctor (dd1 hates the doctor), she still said i can come with you mummy. I have tried telling her i will take her somewhere nice after nursery which worked a few times but she now says 'i dont want to go anywhere mummy'.

How old is she? My dd had a face of crying every time I left, but it did pass...

ok, there is the possiblity she's not feeling well ATM, but more likely maman4 has the explanation.

well I can only say, we too have these spells every so often, and then they pass. DD2 now 4.9 did this periodically at nursery, and is now not too thrilled with some aspects of reception and today she refused to LEAVE, because I was late picking her up. the other day she refused to go in with my mother, because dh took dd1 off to juniors and that was an excuse to have a tantrum on that occasion (she finds any).

DD1 definitely did this until she was about 5.5. Both are bright and people constantly tell me how lovely they are-it's school angel/mum devil time!

They are real wind up artists-try to keep it in perspective and remember it is aimed at YOU. Ignoring it will make it go away faster, promises of treats reinforce the behaviour.

We had this with DD1 up until last week. We just had to keep bigging up how much fun she would have, how she could draw us lots of nice pictures without DD2 ruining them and make lots of new friends she can play with. (she is 3.2)

It also helped that her teachers were very understanding (we had just moved to a new area so she was unsettled anyway) and would spend 10 mins 121 with her on arrival and do things they know she likes - reading, singing songs etc

We are now 1 week into NO TEARS and happy faces so it obviously seems to have worked. (Although she did cry today because she wanted to go outside and wasnt allowed because she was in the second group to go!)

It will get easier, Im sure, but what helped for me (being emoitonal and pregnant) was getting DH to do the drop offs because I just couldnt face it, i would have picked her up and taken her home as I so nearly did the first time!

dd's old nursery did a sort of picture chart for the time she spent there. It was like a countdown untill the end of the session really with little pics on velcro. It was just for her. That helped a bit when she was there.
She cried, when being left, every session for about a year. The only way i managed to sort it was by doing reward charts with her. If she went in without making a fuss she got a sticker on the chart. I would ask her what (smallish) toy she wanted and buy it ready...when she got x amount of stickers on the chart, she got the toy.

Thanks for all your advice.

Dh took her today, she stared crying as soon as she got up, refused any breakfast and cried when dh left her

Dh phoned them when he got home and was told she was fine.

Im worried as she is there till 4pm and may refuse to eat all day so dh has told them to phone if she does'nt eat so i can pick her up early (im not happy with her going all day with out food and drink)

Anyway no phone call yet so she must be ok (i hope)

The crying seems to be getting worse each day , she managed not to cry for the first few weeks so i dont understand why she has started now.

I tried telling her what a fun day she would have as today they had someone comming in to do face painting but that did'nt work, i have tried telling her she can have stickers/chocolate/a small toy but she still crys

Used to give dd a big kiss when I dropped her off and then we used to kiss each others hand. I used to tell her that if she missed me in the day she could kiss her hand and that if I missed her I'd kiss my hand. It sounds a bit silly, but it really worked. She still does it now sometimes (she's six) if she's going into a new situation. She actually says "Don't worry mummy - if I want you I can just kiss my hand".

LilanGish, i will try that one on monday, it sounds like a good idea that dd1 will like, thanks.