How long should I let my DS cry at preschool?

[SoVeryTired998]

My DS who will be 3 in December has just started pre school. He doesn't seem to be settling, he goes 3 hours on a Monday and 6 hours Tuesday - Friday. He cries at drop off, when he spots me a pick up he really starts crying and runs towards the door and when I got there yesterday they said he had been crying/whimpering all day and that is generally what he is like. I usually call an hour after drop off to check how he is doing, and he is getting stuck in with the activities but having a "bit of a whine" as they say.

Previously he was at a childminder whilst I went back to work and would go from 7.30-5.30 and loved it, we still visit his childminder and he remembers her and the setting really well, so I was surprised he hasn't taken to preschool at all.

It is a relatively small pre school, the staff seem lovely but if he isn't enjoying it, how long do I give him to settle? I hate the thought of him being upset all day. I was hoping he would stop crying after I left and got on with playing but that doesn't seem to be the case.

As of today he is only going in half days to see if that makes a difference, but how long do I leave it before I call it a day and say it's clearly not for him?

Feeling very guilty and like I am being a bad mum

It sounds like you don't need to do this for childcare, is that right? If so I would drop right back to two or three mornings a week if that allowed by your preschool.

Does he have to go to nursery? I'd take him out to be honest, he's telling you he's not happy! Can he go back to his old childminder if you need childcare?

You are not a bad mum at all. You are right to put him in preschool as it really is wonderful preparation for going to school when he's 4. It is really hard when they don't settle quickly but this can be very normal and nothing to worry about. How long has he been at preschool? If only a week or two it is still early days. Have you spoken to the nursery manager and expressed your concerns. They should be able to give you some reassurance of what is normal. I'm not suggesting that you leave him there if he clearly is unhappy (you know your child best) but I do think you need to think about the positives of preschool once he is settled.

Many children stay at their childminder until they start school. If you feel that is the best environment for him, then return him to the childminder if you can. If not, then persevere with the pre school for now and move him to another pre school if he really doesn't settle. It took my daughter a long time to adjust to school after being in a pre school that she loved. Sometimes it takes them a while to get used to a new environment.

We moved away so our old childminder wasn't feasible anymore, and she has since stopped childminding. I am due to go back to work shortly I wanted to get him used to pre school before I went back to work to give us all a chance to get used to our new routine and make sure my DS was fully settled.

Today I collected him after 3 1/2 hours and was told he was moaning all morning, although as soon as he gets out and is with me he is absolutely find chatting away. They seem to think he may need to build up to the full days and it can take a few weeks before they settle down. I just don't like the thought of him having an unhappy morning.

They can take a while to fully settle.

One of our parent arrives to collect slightly earlier as she was worried because child would be crying at drop off and cry when they heard the door at pick up. She was able to watch the children playing and see that her child was fine until spotting her. Maybe this is something you could arrange to do with the nursery so you have a better picture on how he is?