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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

First day at pre-school - should both parents take their child to school?

42 replies

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:11

Last night my partner and I were having a general diary conversation about dates and arrangements for the next 3 months, and the date of my daughter's first day at pre-school cropped up.

My partner wants us both to take her on the first day as he feels its a special occasion for the whole family. I want to keep the event as low-key as possible and think I should take her on my own, as she is used to spending her days with me.

What do you think?

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dustystar · 22/06/2007 12:12

I think that if he wants to come you should let him. Plenty of men aren't interested in being involved with this sort of stuff.

Earlybird · 22/06/2007 12:13

Let him come if he wants to. It is a landmark day in a child's life, so let him be a part of it if he wants to.

Do you have any reason to think your dd would react badly if her father is there?

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:18

I've nothing against him coming up, and he's a very involved father.

I think that my daughter will find it much more difficult seeing both Mummy and Papa leaving her behind (and in her mind going off to do something fun without her) than just boring old Mummy who she sees day in day out...

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Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:20

Basically, I suppose, I think that given the three options:

school on her own
at home with Mummy
out and about with Mummy and Papa

my daughter might well choose 1 over 2, but never 1 over 3 .

I know we can explain, but school is likely to be quite an emotionally charged moment...

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compo · 22/06/2007 12:21

How about he takes her then and you stay at home?

Earlybird · 22/06/2007 12:22

Hmm - obviously don't know your dd, but would she react badly if you explained upfront that everyone is excited about her first day at school and that it's so special that her Father is going late to the office so he can be there with her?

musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters · 22/06/2007 12:23

DP came on DS1s first day at preschool. Its not the norm so it is different to leaving them at say playschool or with a childminder.

Agree with compo though, if the issue is that you are keeping it lowkey and don't both want to be there, why not stay home and let DH do it?

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:24

That's another option. She'd be delighted to go off with him in the morning but he won't be able to stick around outside the school if things aren't going well (he has an office to get to) so it's not terribly practical for that reason. And also, since I'll be taking her to school every day (he has to take his son to school in another direction) I'd quite like to be there to meet the teacher and other parents.

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Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:25

She's very little for lots of explanations - she won't even be 2.10 on her first day at pre-school.

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hockeypuck · 22/06/2007 12:25

I pondered this for my daughters first day at school last year.

Personally I thought it would make it too much of a big deal for her if we were both there, too monumental really. If she had to say goodbye to both of us, it would be as if we were abandoning her there.

The teachers are normally good at saying "oh say goodbye to mummy, you're going to have lots of fun playing while she does all her boring jobs like hoovering". If you were both there she might feel like she'd be missing something fun at home, rather than just a normal day.

Up to you entirely though, that's just my opinion! I'm glad I did it that way and I'll do it the same way when DS starts nursery. I think DH might want to be there, but he knows he only wants to be there for his benefit to watch her start school, not for her benefit, and at times like this the child always comes first.

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:28

hockeypuck - your feelings are mine entirely - I think my partner is thinking of himself by wanting to be there, and actually for my daughter it would be much simpler if he weren't - she doesn't really like us going out together and leaving her behind on her own as she thinks she's missing out on something.

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maisemor · 22/06/2007 12:29

That is a luxury problem and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I HAVE to take our daughter in all on my own. I am going to be crying all over the place, which in turn is going to upset her. My husband can't come, he really wants to but he is starting school himself (as a teacher).

You two are both wanting to be there for her. I say let him, as long as you can both bring the right state of mind (and not be like me weeping in the corner ), that this is her day and she is lucky that both her mummy and papa can and want to share it with her.

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:30

I won't be crying I don't think

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maisemor · 22/06/2007 12:30

An other option would be to let him take her in and you stay at home then, but I suspect that you don't want to miss out on her big day either!!?

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:32

maisemor - like I said below, it's more an issue of practicalities me being there, since he won't be able to stick around if she doesn't want to be left (he has to go to work) and he won't be doing the school run on a daily basis as he does that for his son in the opposite direction.

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maisemor · 22/06/2007 12:35

See I thought he was taken the day off.

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 12:42

No, no day off, just letting his ex-wife take his son to school if needs be so that he can be with our daughter.

I think I've understood the issues now - thank you very much everyone - and will be explaining to my partner that I think that it is best for our daughter if he doesn't come up to school until I know she is settled.

After that, he can do the school run if he likes and is free

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portonovo · 22/06/2007 14:23

I would tend to say you take her on your own. If she knows Daddy is around too, she might not want to go - this is very common at our playgroup!

Original poster

Anna8888 · 22/06/2007 14:26

portonovo - thanks for that data point

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Bouquetsofdynomite · 23/06/2007 15:42

Take her on your own and let him have first dibs on attending the special parent-invited events that will come up (because there will be loads!)

tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:52

we both took ds1 on his first day, im sure we will both take ds2 in sept this yr aswell.

Its an important day- dp didnt want to miss it.

tuppy · 24/06/2007 18:21

Agree with you Anna.

My ds3 was 2.8 when he started preschool in September. I took him myself and kept it very calm. 2 reasons; 1. like you, it was going to be my daily pattern with him as dh leaves for work very early. 2. He needed to take our dd to school that day (arranged to arrive later at work) because it was her first day at a new school. But at a confident 7 years of age, she understood dh couldn't linger and was happy to wave him off.

I know it can be a lovely thing, both parents being there, but honestly, it's better for the child, especially if of preschool age, for it to be as low key as possible. That way the fun of the nursery/preschool is emphasised, and the role of the "boring" parent downplayed. Which is what you want if you want a settled toddler !

Original poster

Anna8888 · 24/06/2007 21:01

tuppy - thank you.

I brought the subject up with my sister and BIL over dinner last night. My sister totally went along with me, my BIL was of the same opinion as my partner - except that I had already had a conversation with my partner on Friday evening, explaining clearly that it was better for our daughter if I took her alone. He did agree that my arguments were very persuasive and we now have a couple of months of summer to chill over the matter... it'll be fine, I got there in plenty of time .

Thank you again everyone.

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francagoestohollywood · 24/06/2007 21:18

just read the OP, so it must have been mentioned already: does your pre-school offer some sort of induction (like you staying for an hour for the first week). In that case it's probably better if there's just one of you?

Original poster

Anna8888 · 25/06/2007 07:03

Franca - actually, no, it doesn't - this is France, so there isn't too much "breaking in gently" .

However, the first "week" will only be a half week (Weds-Fri] and the days are very short (2 hours 45 mins) and I think mothers can just hang around in the park outside with their mobiles on if they think things might go completely wrong...

I was at my sister's house this weekend and I was pretty pleased to see my daughter run off with her cousins (who she doesn't know well) and other children and not really be concerned as to where Mummy and Papa were.

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