If you sent your child to Preschool at 3/4, how long did it take them to settle and make friends?

[midnightlurker]

Just trying to work out what is normal. Preschool say that my son plays on the edge of the group, but has no specific friends. They raised it as an issue. Then when I asked what they were doing to help him, back tracked and said it was my fault for not sending him before this year and that it could take a year to make friends. Really? His friends from home go to a variety of Preschools and all have their own friends there.

Mine didn't really make friends at preschool or nursery. They played alongside other children, shared toys etc, but didn't have particular children they sought out and referred to as their friends. Both were/ are very happy in reception though and had friends then.

Sounds like a poor preschool. This is purely anecdotal, but I find girls tend to make friends while boys don't so much. Possibly just because girls are maturing that tiny bit faster, which does make s difference when they are so young.

As an EYP some children still tend to do parallel play at this age. My daughter had a friendship group going to school but she was 5 and a half while my son found his group in Primary 1.

Thanks for responses so far. He is 4 rather than 3 if that affects things. Plays happily with friends at home, making up stories, playing Power Rangers and made up games (cops n robbers type stuff with a baddie and a goodie!). Does have sensory issues that could be causing the problem in a group so I need to know what is 'normal'.

DD1 is outgoing and pretty much makes friends at the drop of a hat, I find it amazing.
DD2 is much more cautious and will sit with me for 20mins when we go somewhere new, glaring at everyone. After she warms up she may join in cautiously but I'm not yet sure how long it would take her to form a proper friendship (not happened yet), but she doesn't start pre school until sept. So what I'm saying is they're all different.

What I would be expecting from a pre-school though is a recognition of what types of personality various children have, and if they've identified someone not joining as much, as yours have, to try and facilitate them.
For example a new, shy, child started mid term at DD1's pre-school and she was sort of 'paired' with DD1 at first. Because DD1 is the sort of child who can start a game up with thin air, her natural tendency to bossiness draw people in and direct the game e.g. 'you be the big sister and I'll be little sister and we'll pretend to go to the library' was useful in this circumstance. This only lasted a few days and AFIK new child has settled in fine, but if I were you I'd be expecting some kind of suggestions from the school?

I know that DD2 will be a different kettle of fish when she starts, and would be hoping the staff will support her settling in too.

The problem is all children are different. Some just take longer to move into the playing with others rather than alongside.

Do you meet up with children off his own age to play?