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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

DS wont listen to nursery staff.

16 replies

madmarchscare · 03/10/2006 14:32

He's nearly 3, this was his sixth session (only mon and tues mornings) and today he had to sit on his own away from the other children at story time because he wouldnt stop talking.

He said when I picked him up that 'they wouldnt let me talk, you let me talk dont you mummy' and looked really sad, which left me feeling really crap.

Speaking with one of the workers on my way out they said that he rarely does as he is asked.

How long before you reckon he'll 'get' it?

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Original poster

madmarchscare · 03/10/2006 14:55

eh? eh?

OP posts:

Bramshott · 03/10/2006 15:11

I guess he needs to learn that what he can do at home is not necessarily the same as what he can do at nursery, when everyone has to take it in turns. My DD (who admittedly is a bit older, nearly 4) sometimes has to sit by herself at storytime because she and her friend won't stop gossiping!

TwigTwoolett · 03/10/2006 15:12

he'll get it don't worry

Original poster

madmarchscare · 03/10/2006 15:13

I am going to be a nightmare when he starts school .

OP posts:

TwigTwoolett · 03/10/2006 15:26

nah .. by then he'll be used to it and you'll be smug watching the kids who aren't used to listening in groups and doing as asked by teachers go through the leaning curve

Original poster

madmarchscare · 03/10/2006 15:33

Oh good. His is quite 'boisterous' shall we say, at home and thought this was the beginning of a complete and utter nightmare. So, just a bit of mummy panic after all.

Like your seasonal name btw.

OP posts:

moominmonster · 06/10/2006 14:55

I am in the same boat but my little boy is 4 and has been going for over a year. he has changed pre-schools which hasn't helped but he is just high spirited and has paired up with a boy who won't do as he is told. its horrible to hear that your child is disturbing the class and has to sit by himself - deliquency and ADHD runs through your mind. I am trying rewards for good behaviour and i just hope he can calm down a bit. he is very good at home (on the whole)

EJW · 11/10/2006 11:54

Hello, this is the first time I have done this but I am also having some problems with my ds who has just started at the pre-school attached to the school he will be going to next year.

It is a similar problem to madmarchscare. He has only been there for just over a week and was one of the last to start and I seem to be getting negative reports about him pretty much on a daily basis.

I would describe him as a proper lad and he likes to be the leader and can be a bit boisterous. He won't sleep at home (he used to
have about an hour when he attended a full-time private nursery) and he has also started getting up in the night. I think his tiredness doesn't help with his behaviour!

He cries every time I leave him which makes me feel bad but then to get negagtive feedback about his behaviour is horrible on top of the guilt. When I spoke to one of the classroom assitants whose group he is in she didn't reassure me and say there are some others like that or some children are like that. It was almost like he is the naughty one and he needs to conform.

I understand that school have a different regime to may be a private nursery but I would hate him to have his spirit knocked out of him along with his confidence!

My husband who is a teacher has told me I should speak to the actual teacher but I don't want to be one of those mothers who gets a reputation for complaining!

Am I over reacting, is he naughty and will he get used to it!!

tomal · 14/10/2006 07:48

I would speak to a member of staff if I were you. When you say he is having negative reports, what exactly are they saying that he is doing? As a pre-school supervisor I would only report back negatively to parents of a newly starting child if they were violent( and even then I would be suportive). I would assume any difficult behaviour (disruptive, defiant etc) would be something the staff and I would work on with the child over the first month or so.Good luck.

EJW · 16/10/2006 19:37

Hi, thanks for your feedback and sorry to madmarchscare for jumping on your thread!

It is worse now!! Initially the feedback was because he was saying no or would wander off but he hit someone last week and today he was kept back and his classroom assistant came out to speak to me because there were 4 incidents of aggressive behaviour including pinching, dragging another child away from something he wanted to play with and getting on top of other children.

She did express sympathy this time and as I almost cried she could see I was very upset but I still feel a bit in the dark and I don't like not being able to fix this!

I'm going to ask to speak to the actual teacher tommorrow.

I'm quite surprised that he keeps saying no to his classroom assistant and I'm wondering if she is being firm enough.

I'm worried that this is becoming abnormal behaviour or are some children just like this and will he grow out of it or is it a sign of something more serious!

tomal · 17/10/2006 07:32

Hi EJW. I hope your talk with the teacher goes ok for you. How old is your son? Is just 3yrs or almost 4 years? His behaviour is not uncommon and can be sorted with a firm, consistent approach. So try not to worry too much (although I know you will). Hopefully his teacher will suggest a way of you working together to improve his behaviour. This may be a reward system such as a sticker for each day that he doesn't hurt someone, or maybe a reward chart where he works towards a treat by exhibiting good behaviour over several days. Let us know how you get on.

EJW · 17/10/2006 15:00

Thanks. He was three in May so that makes him Just short of 3 1/2. Mu husband and I have arranged to speak with the teacher on Thursday. I've got to go and pick him up in a minute and I'm dreading it in case anything else has happened today!!

I'll let you know what the teachers says.

Marina · 17/10/2006 15:05

Good luck EJW and madmarchscare. Dd is up before the beak on a regular basis at her preschool and we are just having to grit our teeth and get through it. She is assertive and independent and she does have to learn to take turns, listen and obey instructions. She is better at this at home.
But at the moment everyone is telling us "she's a one, your dd" with either a laugh or a beady stare and I am not sure which is worse.
Keep telling yourselves it is called preschool so they can get used to carpet time etc, that's what we're doing.

arsenelupin · 18/10/2006 21:07

DD has a history of this at nursery (it cropped up 2 years running, ages 2.3 and 3.3, and nursery staff were very kind, asked 'How do you deal with this at home?', worked with us on getting her to 'open her listening ears')... and now she's started reception, and it's happening again. Only she's at state school, and pretending not to hear grown-ups because you want to get 1-2-1 attention doesn't go down too well when there are 30 kids and 2 adults. It's making me regret I didn't get to grips with this earlier, because I'm worried she'll get labelled as a handful (TBH, it's already happened).

alex8 · 19/10/2006 14:55

I could have written most of these posst. My ds is 3.4 and just started a nursery class attached to a primary school. I knew he would have trouble listening during the carpet sessions (they have 3 in 2.5 hr which is more than any other nursery I have worked in). But they also say hes not sharing well and being defiant. The latter is what hes like with us but he has never had any problems sharing before at pre-school, creches, friends houses, toddler groups etc. He did tell me that he didn't like it when others snatched things off him. He doesn't tell me much about it, seems to enjoy it though and has made friends. But nearly all the feedback from staff including a settling in report is negative. They said nothing in the report about his social interaction which I think is good. One nursery nurse did once tell me he had helped a boy who was very sad about leaving his mum. When I was teaching I made sure there was something positive to say about every child, however difficult.

EJW · 24/10/2006 15:52

Went for our chat with the teacher and ds's assigned classroom assistant and we were reassured that there were no problems and that he was normal. The teacher was excellent and made me feel at ease. He has actually been very good for the rest of the week however we now have half term so we may take a few steps backwards when he goes back after the break!

I think all I needed was some reassurance that he was normal and that they were comfortable with everything which I didn't get from the classroom assistant. I think she was more geared towards giving me the facts rather than adding the reassurance bit aswell.

Trying to keep things calmer at home and not to get so rattled about some of the things he does. Also not giving him fruit juice or sugary things of any kind before pre-school so that he is less hyper!!

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