Baby in NICU and other children?

[Considerphebas]

Hi
Just wondering if anyone has any experience of having a baby in NICU and an older child and any tips to help them manage?
DD was born a week ago at 35 weeks due to preeclampsia, all went very well for the first 24hours and then she was diagnosed with a malrotration and whisked off to the bigger hospital nearby for an operation, I followed along a day later. I'm now hom but DD is in the NICu and likely to be there for a while, my Mum came up to.help with 4 year old DS but has now gone home. DS seems all over the place at the moment, tantrums, upset, shouting and I can see why but it's really hard.to cope with on top of worrying about baby and recovering from the section. Any advice? Trying to get him back into a routine but I'm struggling myself and haven't got much patience left.

it's really tough time.
I had a nearly 3 yr old and a prem baby who had a long hospital stay. Looking back I don't know how we did it, but we got through it and you will too.
I used to visit my baby in the morning whilst dc was either at preschool or with a friend or family. I would then try to do something fun and normal in the afternoon with dc to give her a sense of normality. Which was so hard as I either wanted to be up the hospital or curled up crying in bed - not pretending to be having fun.
Then either me or DH would spend the evenings up the hospital once Dc was in bed.

You need to be kind to yourself as you cannot be in two places at once. A very kind nurse said to me once that your new baby will not remember if you spent 3 hours a day by her side or 24hours, so don't beat yourself up you. If you need to spend time with your older Dc then do. Very good advice I thought.
Do you have any other friends or family to help?
I hope your new bubba is home with you soon.

Thanks summerdays the only time things feel vaguely normal is when I'm with her at the hospital, which is very unfair on DS. I think it's trickier at the moment as I want drive so can't just pop over in the evenings which is when I miss her most.