23 months and eating/weight gain

[efeslight]

my little boy was born at 28 weeks, weighing 780g, he's now 22 months and has weighed between 9.5 and 10kilos for the last 8 or 9 months. he's never that keen on breakfast and will eat some lunch and dinner if encouraged/cajoled into it. he will eat snacks throughout the day, fruit, bit of bread/cheese etc.
i'm unsure about where to go next - do i cut down on the snacks in the hope he'll eat more 'proper' food at meal times or just carry on doing what we're doing and let him nibble throughout the day, but then risk he's not that hungry at mealtimes.
mealtimes are becoming a bit of an ordeal and i can feel myself getting irritated with him, but its really my fault for giving him too many snacks...
feeling a little confused, don't want him to go hungry (still feeing guilty about my failure to carry him to term or breastfeed), and don't want mealtimes to turn into a battle of wills, but worried about poor weight gain
any feedback and advice gratefully received.

Hi efeslight. Does he drink a lot of milk still? My DD#2 used to drink a lot of milk at that age and would graze all day long but wouldn't eat a proper meal. I felt that at times she would fade away to nothing. Of course that didn't happen and now she's will eat properly now the milk has been cut down.

What types of food does he like to eat during the day? Yoghurt is great, pieces of fruit, raisins, rice cakes, pieces of toast, cheese etc.

I really wouldn't worry too much about his weight and if you're using the charts in the red book as your guide, I wouldn't bother. Look at him and see what you think. He will catch up

You've got enough to contend with without adding further things to it! Btw, it's perfectly natural to feel guilty about your pregnancy ending prematurely but if you feel it's getting you down after 2 years then it might be worth talking to your GP. Sometimes counselling can help.

HTH

thanks john, he does love his milk, about 6 or 7 fl oz twice a day, first thing/last thing (about two thirds of a pint a day, then water available through out) trying to reduce the milk at the moment. nibbles alot, fruit etc in the day.
i think we're doing ok, but need a fresh perspective, other experiences for suggestions and reassurance.

efeslight I can so relate to how you are feeling! I don't really have any advice because we have the same problems, just wanted to say you are not alone. My son is 22 months (19 corrected) and weighs about 9 kilos. He isn't keen on food (can't be bothered) and mealtimes are a battle of wills as you say. Sometimes I feel we are making progress and then he will get a cold or something that sets him back again. Sometimes I will spend an age making something I think he will like and then I could weep as I scrape it into the bin. He still mostly needs spoonfeeding and will eat only a limited selection of things.

For my own sanity I try to limit mealtimes to half an hour. I offer a lot of high calorie food like custard and peanut butter. He only has milk at bedtime now. It is a battle and I feel for you! He won't entertain the idea of eating fruit so you are doing well on that front!

Believe me I really do know how you are feeling. My DD was 740g at 29 weeks, and only (eventually) got onto the 0.4th percentile with the help of extra calorie milk. She is now 4.0 and although I don't know exactly what she weighs she's still very, very light, but totally healthy. At around 24months I had exactly the same issues re food. You are so desperate for them to eat and you feel like you are failing in such a basic part of being a mother. I tried more snacks, no snacks, changing the time of meals, almost stuffing it down her, being really relaxed (or pretending to be). Nothing really worked. In the end I just had to accept that she really only wanted to eat 2 meals a day. We had a good six months where it was awful and I was desperate for it to be the weekend so DH could 'do' a mealtime. I offered, and she ate, a good range of food and eventually, slowly, she began to eat more. Took her until 36 months to use a fork herself mind, but really, they do all get there in the end, it just drives you mad in the meantime. She now happily eats 3 meals plus snacks and still eats a good range of food (fingers crossed). You will get there in the end, but I do feel your pain!

Actually when I say "had to accept" what i mean is "had to put up with". What I should have done is accept, but I never really could.

thanks to all, feeling a little reassured its not just us, and others have experienced the same. i think we will continue as we are, and i will try not to worry so much about it and will try to play it 'cool' at mealtimes.