Abortion at 16 weeks

[Mondaysunny]

I’m currently pregnant. Don’t live with my partner, got pregnant quite early on. I lost my job a few months back and have stuggled to get a new one. I’ve applied for benefits but there’s a shortfall of around £500 between what I’ve got coming in and out.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

I’m so stressed. Don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills going forwards. I’m applying for jobs but realistically there’s a limit to what I can do and I’m due to give birth in April. If we were to split up he said he’s give me £1k a month to cover our needs. But I don’t want to be a single mum. I have an older child who is 13 and his father has been so toxic for the ten years we have been apart.

I don’t feel like I can afford to be pregnant. It’s limiting my work options and stressing me out to the point I wish I don’t wake up in the morning.

I am still within the time limits of abortion and I’m considering it. It will mean the end of our relationship but I feel like the conversation we just had about him not helping me has already set the end in motion. I have been in two kind about the pregnancy from the start as we got pregnant after 7 months of being together. We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm. If I wasn’t pregnant I think my options would be wider and I wouldn’t feel such stress. I also dread being a single mother again to a toxic man. He hasn’t been toxic so far but I can see indications he can be.

Has anyone aborted at 16 weeks? Or what would you do in my situation?

What a prick! I can’t imagine trying to raise a baby with someone so transactional, I would
be prepared for him doing nothing for the child because he would see it as your role entirely with him working and you not.

Do what you need to do, dont tie yourself to this prick.

I did and it was hell, had a medical one, but if you want to you want to x

What i would say is

Do you want this baby? Bearing in mind you will be a single mum again?

If you do, and can love and raise them on your own, along with your eldest, then keep the baby. You've done it once and it could be great!

And if you cant, then no judgement at all, you do what you need. Does your oldest know you're pregnant?

Youll be okay, whichever way. X

In your situation I would abort.

You refer to him as your partner but he isn't, is he?

And then there's your 13 year old to consider.

The OP literally says

"But I don’t want to be a single mum."

Well your first decision is when to tell your "partner" he's an ex.

This man is showing you his colours, believe him. Get him out of your life before things turn to shit.

As for the pregnancy, you are not in a stable financial position to afford a new baby. Your older child deserves your money and attention, it would be extremely disruptive to them to have their whole world turned upside down and not even feel able to ask for a tenner to go out with his mates. please think of the child you already have

I'm not asking if she wants to be a single mum, its clear that she doesn't.

I am saying 'does she want this baby, given that she will, very likely be one

The thread asked for advice, not providing people with an opportunity to be pedantic unprovoked.

Job hunting whilst pregnant is almost impossible I suspect and of course you want to be in work before having a family

a very hard situation for you but bringing children into the world when you have no means to support them or yourself does seem daft. Relying on others to fund you is risky - I notices the possible dad hasn’t offered to raise the child as a single dad after all

These men quite often show who they are once you're pregnant and they feel youre tied to them.

He is absolutely showing you who he really is, and it isn't someone who is supportive or kind.

In your shoes I would seek some urgent counselling around the abortion and I would probably go ahead with it.

I’ve considered abortion multiple times during this pregnancy. Only because I haven’t been financially stable and I’ve had such a toxic ex and it’s only now that he is much older and I’m getting a lot of freedom back that the thought of losing that I’m going back to doing late night feeds, school runs, and just being a parent to a young child again - I don’t think I have it in me to do it alone. When I thought we would be building a family together, it was easier to bear. But realising that I only have his word that he will look after us if we split up isn’t enough. I’m seeing how toxic he can be. I desperately just want some affection, a hug, reassurance from him but he’s not really talking to me. Reason being, he tried to apologise multiple times yesterday and I wasn’t over it. I couldn’t get over it. I was just spiralling at that point thinking of the worst situation.

I hate the thought of abortion so late on but I recognise that I’m at the point where I can make a decision that will affect the rest of my life for good or worst. Dealing with a toxic coparent has been awful and to then do it all over again with a man who has enough money to make my life even more hell, honestly, fills me with dread. For most of our relationship, we have been happy. It’s literally just These last couple days that things have really come to blow And he’s told me exactly how he feels about helping me. I’ve really struggled to ask him for financial help because I naturally don’t like doing that. I managed to ask and the way he shut it down and made me feel like I was useless. This isn’t the man that he portrayed himself to be throughout our relationship.

Have the abortion darling. Don't delay any further though 🩷 xx

Have you told him you are considering abortion since he doesn't want to help you?

It’s up to you but imo it would have to be quite extreme circumstances for someone to consider aborting a baby at that stage. I became pregnant after splitting up with my partner at the age of 21, already had a child and meant had to leave my 2nd year of uni.
Look for a place to rent etc and this was in the days before all the help with childcare that’s now available. Now I’m in my 40s and that child is the most wonderful adult daughter you could imagine and now I have a lovely husband, home and career, it just all took a bit longer than it may have otherwise. It’s up to you of course, your body and I wouldn’t give my opinion of you hadn’t asked for it but I do wonder if you have any comprehension of just how developed your baby is at this stage

You poor thing. In your shoes I would have the abortion. You don’t need to be tied to this useless man for the next 18 years.

Absolutely

I think an abortion is an excellent idea, under the circumstances. You are not in a good relationship and your existing child is at a tricky age. I don't think adding another child to the mix is at all a good idea. You will struggle physically, emotionally and financially. I say abort the foetus and also the relationship.

I don't think OP wants this baby. No woman should have a baby she doesn't want. If she's in the legal limit it doesn't matter how far along she is.

No woman should have an abortion that they are not 100% sure about.

I’d end this pregnancy (and this relationship) without a second thought.

No woman should have a child they are not 100% sure about. I've had two abortions and would have another without hesitation if the need arose. I wasn't 100% sure about the first one, but that was because I had internalised the messages of my Catholic upbringing. A lot of women probably hesitate before and abortion (although I didn't at all for my second!) That doesn't mean that they should have an unwanted baby.

Yes you should abort, I think you might struggle to be the best mum you can be of your partner continues to be a prick and you could end up resenting your child as a result.

Don't put yourself through hell when there is a way out.

You can have an abortion for any reason you want to.

Personally? I would abort, and dump the arsehole.

I think the abortion itself will be hard as it is late term. But your reflections about starting over - a baby is a baby for a year. They are your responsibility for life and it doesn’t sound like you want that again. You’ve done it in what sounds like hard circumstances once before. You know what it entails.

read up on what it involves and get it booked as soon as you can. It won’t be an easier decision to make the longer this goes on.