Abortion at 16 weeks

[Mondaysunny]

I’m currently pregnant. Don’t live with my partner, got pregnant quite early on. I lost my job a few months back and have stuggled to get a new one. I’ve applied for benefits but there’s a shortfall of around £500 between what I’ve got coming in and out.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

I’m so stressed. Don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills going forwards. I’m applying for jobs but realistically there’s a limit to what I can do and I’m due to give birth in April. If we were to split up he said he’s give me £1k a month to cover our needs. But I don’t want to be a single mum. I have an older child who is 13 and his father has been so toxic for the ten years we have been apart.

I don’t feel like I can afford to be pregnant. It’s limiting my work options and stressing me out to the point I wish I don’t wake up in the morning.

I am still within the time limits of abortion and I’m considering it. It will mean the end of our relationship but I feel like the conversation we just had about him not helping me has already set the end in motion. I have been in two kind about the pregnancy from the start as we got pregnant after 7 months of being together. We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm. If I wasn’t pregnant I think my options would be wider and I wouldn’t feel such stress. I also dread being a single mother again to a toxic man. He hasn’t been toxic so far but I can see indications he can be.

Has anyone aborted at 16 weeks? Or what would you do in my situation?

I think you need to be prepared that (despite sensible practicalities) an abortion at this stage will be traumatic. Physically difficult if you have to have a medical one. Emotionally there will inevitably be a lot of complicated feelings and grief. Please don't underestimate how this can affect you. You're thinking sensibly with your head, but if you were doing things like thinking about finding the gender, I think you need to make sure you're really in tune with your emotions too and aren't acting through pure fear.

This is very hard for you as you sound ambivalent about termination and do not have time to process this now before making a decision.

I can only wish you luck with your decision and hope things work out well for you either way.

That doesn't track. The child wouldn't exist.

I am the child whose mother chose money over her and also the child whose mother told her she went to get me aborted. Changed her mind as though my dad would marry her.

He did not.

Please tell us the reason

In fact, don't bother. The reason it's legal is because the foetus isnt "viable" before 24 weeks. However, my twins were born 23 weeks and 6 days and they were beautiful little girls and one was born breathing. So I'm not judging anyone for having an abortion, I'm really not, but trust me, just because something isn't "viable" doesn't mean it isn't precious or alive or feeling pain.

He is not your partner. Im not sure how many times he needs to tell you this.

Every time he tells you he wont contribute, or will watch you struggle hes telling you he is not your partner.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm.

Its called CHOICE

500 a month is a lot of money, and if the op doesnt have it, its not going to magically appear once she has another mouth to feed. As always, any reason.

Pretty sure she didn't "get herself pregnant". Your user name is quite apt as you appear confused about how pregnancy occurs.

@Mondaysunny I wish you all the best with your decision, whatever you choose. I know what choice I would make. But equally would support a friend who made the opposite decision.