Abortion at 16 weeks

[Mondaysunny]

I’m currently pregnant. Don’t live with my partner, got pregnant quite early on. I lost my job a few months back and have stuggled to get a new one. I’ve applied for benefits but there’s a shortfall of around £500 between what I’ve got coming in and out.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

I’m so stressed. Don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills going forwards. I’m applying for jobs but realistically there’s a limit to what I can do and I’m due to give birth in April. If we were to split up he said he’s give me £1k a month to cover our needs. But I don’t want to be a single mum. I have an older child who is 13 and his father has been so toxic for the ten years we have been apart.

I don’t feel like I can afford to be pregnant. It’s limiting my work options and stressing me out to the point I wish I don’t wake up in the morning.

I am still within the time limits of abortion and I’m considering it. It will mean the end of our relationship but I feel like the conversation we just had about him not helping me has already set the end in motion. I have been in two kind about the pregnancy from the start as we got pregnant after 7 months of being together. We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm. If I wasn’t pregnant I think my options would be wider and I wouldn’t feel such stress. I also dread being a single mother again to a toxic man. He hasn’t been toxic so far but I can see indications he can be.

Has anyone aborted at 16 weeks? Or what would you do in my situation?

Think about being that child whose biological mother gave them away over money.

There are some unfeeling, unthinking and downright cruel posts on here tonight.

It was absolutely the wrong thing for me to do. You’re a very harsh person.

There’s choice and there’s choice. I can choose what choice I want in Starbucks, but I can choose to kill sometime just because they’re inconvenient for me. The world would be a scary place if your pro choice stance was applied beyond the specific circumstances that it’s been convenient for you to be able to choose within.

Your post opener is ironic beyond belief given what you’re advocating for

I am unapologetically harsh in the face of anti feminist, sanctimonious twaddle.

It’s not rare at all. 1 in 12, according to YouGov. Other studies put it between 10 and 14 and 18 per cent.

Conversely, 95% of women report abortion to have been the right choice for them:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953619306999

Wow. You sound callous

I’m advocating for the rights of the individual to decide for themselves, not have it dictated to them what they should or shouldn’t think and feel about abortion.

Stop with the sanctimony. I find it dispiriting that an academic holds such backwards views. Perhaps a post in one of the States which has lost the protection of Roe would be a good fit for you.

Or the child whose biological mother “terminated” her because of moment

.

Antifeminist? There’s nothing in feminism requiring the taking of life

There is something profoundly anti feminist in trying to curtail women's reproductive rights.

Sanctimony? Nothing sanctimonious about it. The fact you think there is is probably the most telling

Well aren’t you lovely.

Resorting to such retorts with someone makes it evidently clear that your argument has run out of legs.

You're just a pregnant vessel to this shit man. He doesn't and won't care for you or the child. You will be a single mum again.

I think the debate about rights and wrongs of abortion is unhelpful to OP.

The fact is that it is legal and it is an option open to her. it’s not the only option- of which I’m sure OP is fully aware.

I’m sure she is also aware that a late termination is far from straightforward- and if she isn’t aware of the specifics she will absolutely be counselled regarding what it involves when she attends for her initial appointment.

i don’t think anyone has said OP must have a termination or are suggesting it’s her only option. Most have said she has to do what is right for her, but that they think in her position they would opt for abortion (as far as anyone can tell when they aren’t actually in that position themselves). It would be wrong for anyone to suggest it’s the only right thing to do. It’s fine to state that you wouldn’t, because you have regretted having one in the past. Just as it’s fine to share that you’ve had a termination without a single regret. You can also regret something but it still be the right thing to have done.

It’s not fine to attempt to dissuade someone using guilt, with language like “killing a baby”, that the fetus feels pain etc- it’s emotive and disingenuous the fetus to say you are pro-choice when spouting this. The truth is the fetus is not yet a baby, it has no legal rights and it could not survive outside of the womb- and there is no substantiated evidence that a 16 week fetus is capable of feeling pain (the appropriate neural connections in the brain are not believed to be fully functional at that developmental stage). If you are going to spout emotive reasons for not having an abortion, I think it only right and fair to make sure it is accurate. Otherwise you are no better than those you are calling blasé and callous.

I don’t. I just disagree that an abortion isn’t emotionless. You’ve jumped on a point I’ve made with another poster.

What did you think you were disagreeing with me about? I could highlight my original post if it will refresh your memory?

What's enough? £501/£600/£1k/£2k? If you're not making ends meet then any amount where you haven't got an option to make up the shortfall is problematic.

She shouldn't have got herself pregnant. I'm this case she didn't get herself pregnant. There is a man who is failing to show he will support the potential mother of his child. A £500 per my month gap is not going to improve when a child is here. That's the next 18-20 years of this struggle. Yeh she may be able to extract a couple of pence maintenance from the man who impregnated her and created the child but it's a bloody gamble.

Abortion is a decision for the woman who is pregnant. It's that woman who needs to agree to proceed with the risks of pregnancy, birth and the commitment to raising a child or the potential emotional impact of an abortion. But to downplay only £500 per month and ignore there is another person here who impregnated the OP and is not stepping up isn't right.

I’m entirely supportive of women reproducing. It’s you and other poster are actively stopping that…

Of course he should step up. I don’t disagree on that front.

Reproductive rights are about the choice not to , not the right to reproduce

So a woman who wanted her baby, has been excited for 16 weeks and has a planned scan should just abort because of a £500 shortfall?

Imagine not wanting an abortion but then being told you have no choice because anything other would be stupid and selfish. Love the pro choice!