Abortion at 16 weeks

[Mondaysunny]

I’m currently pregnant. Don’t live with my partner, got pregnant quite early on. I lost my job a few months back and have stuggled to get a new one. I’ve applied for benefits but there’s a shortfall of around £500 between what I’ve got coming in and out.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

I’m so stressed. Don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills going forwards. I’m applying for jobs but realistically there’s a limit to what I can do and I’m due to give birth in April. If we were to split up he said he’s give me £1k a month to cover our needs. But I don’t want to be a single mum. I have an older child who is 13 and his father has been so toxic for the ten years we have been apart.

I don’t feel like I can afford to be pregnant. It’s limiting my work options and stressing me out to the point I wish I don’t wake up in the morning.

I am still within the time limits of abortion and I’m considering it. It will mean the end of our relationship but I feel like the conversation we just had about him not helping me has already set the end in motion. I have been in two kind about the pregnancy from the start as we got pregnant after 7 months of being together. We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm. If I wasn’t pregnant I think my options would be wider and I wouldn’t feel such stress. I also dread being a single mother again to a toxic man. He hasn’t been toxic so far but I can see indications he can be.

Has anyone aborted at 16 weeks? Or what would you do in my situation?

It's not even regret I think some people actually don't understand the physical toll that women go through. You go through actual postpartum, you milk comes in,it can be a multi day procedure or effectively an induction.

If op feels that this option is her only option and knowing all that entails decides to go through it that is her choice and right but it is a massive thing and something that shouldnt be dealt with so casually as it is not the same.as first trimester terminations.

I just wanted to say that I had an abortion in the past because of a shitty ex. I regret it every single day.
Unless you are prepared for the worst heartache and lifelong guilt you could never imagine possible, don't do it.
Its very easy for people on here to tell you to terminate but unless they have been in this situation, its a very easy comment to make but with devastating consequences that they have absolutely no idea of. I thought i could cope with the decision as I'm generally a very level headed, strong person......
You'll always find a way to make it work in the end if you want to keep the pregnancy.

I think that some people understand that while abortion is legal at this point, there are ethical and realistic nuances that should be considered. The human foetus is pretty well developed at this stage and this shouldn't be blanked out of the OP's decision making. It isn't a 'clump of cells' at this point and that's just a fact. This will impact on people's opinions on this.

There's a reason it is legal at this point.

Hang on, so he'll contribute 1k if you split, but won't contribute 500 if you stay together?

If it's the money thing that's concerning you I'd dump him. He doesn't sound like he cares tbh.

Don't abort unless you really really really don't want this baby at all. Otherwise it will hurt and haunt you forever. I must admit it makes me wince, they are so formed by then. My nephew was born at 23 weeks, just 7 weeks further on from your baby. He was amazing from day one and already had a very definite personality. I think the cut off date is a bit late really.

It couldn't survive if born at this point.

Well it certainly won't survive after its heart is stopped and its delivered.

Can I suggest you ask for this thread to be moved to pregnancy choices.

For other posters you should remember the OP not asking for our views on abortion but HER specific situation.

It is going to be bloody tough for you, but have the abortion. This man does not sound supportive or kind and you do not sound like you want to have his child.
Don't delay further and cause yourself more pain, get it done, be kind to yourself, and move on with your life without this transactional nightmare of a man.

Yes which means killing a human. I’m not against abortion in all cases but I dislike treating it with the flimsy, blase attitude posters are here

Not sure that will help. Most posters probably don't even look at the topic.

I agree.

I mean, I don’t get the ‘clump of cells’ argument. We are all ‘clumps of cells’, literally speaking.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I, too, had an abortion when I was 16, at 7 weeks and 4 days. I think about it every day, the regret is very hard to live with. I’m also a level headed, strong woman, and yet I know I will never recover.

🙄

I think some posters are being very blase about this. An abortion at 16 weeks will look very different to one at 6.

I would research what a second trimester abortion would be like, OP. Personally, it would be too traumatic at that stage for me.

I 100% agree.

This has nothing to do with religion.

Can you really not understand the very good reasons why posters, some of whom (including me) have had abortions themselves, are urging her to consider carefully and not just leap straight to ABORTION like you are?

He is gping to be no help
Do what you have to sweetheart

My first one was at fourteen weeks and it was the best thing I ever did.

I'm also urging her to consider carefully. If she decides to have this baby, she is stuck with it forever.

Adoption is an option, OP. A healthy, term baby without an addiction will have queues of couples wanting to adopt them. People who have been thoroughly vetted and are able to offer them a lovely life. It’s not at all shameful or extreme, it’s a very normal thing.