Abortion at 16 weeks

[Mondaysunny]

I’m currently pregnant. Don’t live with my partner, got pregnant quite early on. I lost my job a few months back and have stuggled to get a new one. I’ve applied for benefits but there’s a shortfall of around £500 between what I’ve got coming in and out.

My partner says he will provide anything me and the child needs in terms of food and clothing etc - anything maternity related but he won’t help with the shortfall of £500. He is a high earner and can afford this but doesn’t feel like it’s his responsibility.

I’m so stressed. Don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills going forwards. I’m applying for jobs but realistically there’s a limit to what I can do and I’m due to give birth in April. If we were to split up he said he’s give me £1k a month to cover our needs. But I don’t want to be a single mum. I have an older child who is 13 and his father has been so toxic for the ten years we have been apart.

I don’t feel like I can afford to be pregnant. It’s limiting my work options and stressing me out to the point I wish I don’t wake up in the morning.

I am still within the time limits of abortion and I’m considering it. It will mean the end of our relationship but I feel like the conversation we just had about him not helping me has already set the end in motion. I have been in two kind about the pregnancy from the start as we got pregnant after 7 months of being together. We spoke to being a family and he’s been generous so far but only with meals out and things that benefit him or to do with the pregnancy. He doesn’t think he should help me outside of that when he has more than the means too which is what bothers me. We don’t live together, but he has plans to rent/buy a place for us. Until then, I still need to afford my bills which I can’t do atm. If I wasn’t pregnant I think my options would be wider and I wouldn’t feel such stress. I also dread being a single mother again to a toxic man. He hasn’t been toxic so far but I can see indications he can be.

Has anyone aborted at 16 weeks? Or what would you do in my situation?

No she isn’t. Adoption is absolutely a valid option, and a term, healthy baby with no addiction issues will have an abundance of prospective parents.

I'm not pro-life at all, but describing an abortion as the best thing you ever did is strange to me.

I'm glad you're happy with your choice though.

And once again ignoring the long term impact of continuing the pregnancy and having a child in these circumstances.

Someone can be reticent and unsure of something, and yet be relieved and content when they’ve gone ahead and done it. It is not a foregone conclusion that she would feel trauma and/or regret. Someone can still consider something to be the right thing to do, despite it being a painful experience.

I haven’t said what OP would or wouldn’t feel, or what she should or shouldn’t feel, because it’s not my place to anymore than it is yours.

14 weeks is very different even to 18-20 weeks. Both the size of baby and also the hormonal and physical sides effects for the women.

I sometimes suspect that some of the replies on these abortion threads are not from women but in fact men with an abortion fetish.

If I hadn't had it, it would have screwed my life up permanently. Damn right it was the best thing I ever did. It also made the second time I had to have one a lot easier, as I knew it wasn't the big deal that people said it was. I am now no longer in a position to become pregnant, but I will forever be grateful to live in a country where women's choices are possible.

In your shoes, I’d book the termination without delay, cut this piece of shit man out of your life and don’t look back.

This 100%. I was reticent about mine because of religious conditioning. After I had it, it was as if I was a different person. It was literally transformative.

Was it really.

Funny you should say that. I was going to say the same thing about the pro-life responses. Not a fetish, but a vested interest in stopping women from having bodily autonomy.

Yes.

I wouldn't end a person's life for the sake of £500 a month? Irrespective of your views on abortion l find this a stupid comment. The OP is

• Already a single mother to a teen
• Unemployed
• Already £500 a month short on expenditure
• In an unstable relationship with a man who shows little commitment to the ops wellbeing.
• Unable to shit out a £500 gold nugget.

This is about the OPs situation and future. What you would do for the sum of £500 is irrelevant.

Op this isn’t helpful advice but I just wanted to send support bc it’s awful being in this situation with a man who you thought was sound but is now showing his true colours.

It’s so unfair that women are always the ones left dealing with the fallout.

I think this man has shown himself to be disappointing to put it mildly so fwiw I would makes the two decisions separately 💐

I always think that trying to quiet opposing voices with the usual 'handmaidens' trope is incredibly lame. Trying to equate how raising the point that an abortion at 16 weeks may come with emotional and physical complications at this stage, with thinking that women should be vessels for the patriarchy is lowest common denominator. Its a fact that a woman who goes through this procedure will have to deliver a very well formed foetus. Many people grasp the gravitas of this. Facts are not misogyny.

Every situation is different but that doesn't mean to say its right for OP!
It has to be HER choice and not based on the opinion of strangers

Ok.

I do think 16w is on later side.

But he is not being very generous. It does sound like he will end up making you pay for everything.
Youve already been through this you know what its like doing all by yourself.
A lot of kids are similar to their parents. Your kid could end up pretty selfish like him.

So good you went back for more, evidently. There are other methods of contraception.

This isn't making sense. Why is he okay with providing you a home but not.. ah man can't even continue. Just split up and take the grand a month. Unless you really don't want another child but please don't base that decision on whether this 'man' will be with you or not. I couldn't be with someone like that. It's actually just bizarre what you described.

The words you use around the OPs baby are very callous and dehumanising. I am sorry for whatever has happened to you in life that has made you like this. You shouldn't be so overly invested as to persuading this woman to abort, that is very unhealthy and you need to consider why you are feeling so strongly about this.

I'm aware of that. Both times, my contraception failed. It won't again as I have had a tubal ligation. However, in my early twenties and late twenties, I had not had one.

Maybe you need to consider why you are so strongly anti-choice.

I think your autocorrect changed principals to “axe to grind”

I think this is a decision only you can make- if it’s right for you, then you absolutely should proceed with a termination. I would agree with those posters who say that you can’t linger too much longer on the decision though.

Your partner doesn’t sound supportive or especially caring. He should sit down and look at finances with you, decide how best to work things out and show some moral support, if nothing else.

That said, I don’t think he is responsible for making up all of your funding shortfall for you and your older child, given you don’t live together or share finances. I think offering to pay for food, clothes and anything maternity related can’t be £0, can it? Food costs alone could be several hundred pounds per month for you and a child and you say he is paying for that. Does your shortfall include or exclude food costs?

I think £500 on top of paying for food, clothing and other costs related to maternity (and presumably a lot more once the baby is born as you’ll need child support in top of the shortfall you already have) is not a tiny monthly sum to be expecting him to give you.

How much would you be expecting/asking him to provide for you during the pregnancy if you haven’t lost your job? I doubt £500+, as being pregnant does not cost £500+ per month.

I’m not saying he is being kind, but equally you don’t share finances yet so I can see why he might not want to be your financial back up.