Struggling with guilt and family judgement after ending a pregnancy

[ForDearKhakiGuide]

Hello,

I had a medical abortion few days ago. I was 8 weeks pregnant at that time.
I seen the pregnancy pass out of me on the floor. That was traumatic. As I was told it was cells.

I did tell my parents and in laws I was pregnant.

it was a tough call however my husband and I agreed now is not the time. As our first child started becoming more demanding and speech was slowly improving bit still a long way to go.

I only told my mum after I had my abortion. She did not take it well. I understand as it’s not an easy thing to do or discuss. She then told my grandma who I did not want to know.

I have not told my in laws or dad as I know they will give me a lot of judgment.

I do feel guilty and sad I had to do it but I knew I could not manage two kids.
if my first child was less demanding and speech was developing at the right age I would consider.

however I realised after I got became pregnant which was sudden and that’s when my child started to become more demanding and I found it tough to even function or even get my child to nursery as my child would refuse or get upset easily. My patience was very less and I was drained.

I Know some people will say I will go to hell.
my husband don’t believe in religion so he don’t believe that.

the only thing keeping me going is knowing I’ll have energy for my first child and I’m not happy I had to do an abortion. I have to learn to accept the fact my husband and I made this decision to keep our family unit happy as I feel it would be stressful.

i just hate myself mainly going through this.

Arranging emotional support and abortion talk about it.

I could not eat much during my pregnancy and now I eat little more.
Im still bleeding and sleep less as the experience was traumatic.
years ago I had a surgical abortion as at the time it was with the man I’m married to but we only known each other a short time and he was house sharing and I lived with my parents.

I could not have the pregnancy as in my culture you need to be married and the guy I was with we were with each other for a year but it was accidental.

honestly I don’t regret that as financially and making sure I’m with the right person was the deciding factor.
Yes I sometimes think god if I kept that pregnancy it was be this one but I stopped doing that to myself as I feel it’s mental torture.

im focusing on the child I have so I can give it the best life.

I never want to go through such experiences and especially when certain family members know.
its more painful.

Anyone been through this and how did they come out the other side?

I'm sorry that sounds so tough. Please be kind to yourself, feelings of guilt are so normal but you did what you felt was right for yourself and your existing child and that's what you need to try and remember. Time really is the best healer and things will get much easier x

Whilst I haven’t been through an abortion, I come from a traditional family with similar views to your mum. In fact if this was me my mum would stop talking to me completely and very possibly disown me. You confided in your mum hoping for comfort and empathy but she has shown you that she can’t give you that, at least in this situation.

I’m sure you didn’t come to those decision easily and it’s clear you love and are dedicated to your child. If you are feeling any feelings of guilt or other negative emotions please seek support through BPAS. Feel free to post here too, the vast majority of people on here are less biased and some have surely been through this exact thing. Sending hugs 🤗