Regret after ending a pregnancy due to anxiety and HG

[Whatisthisallabout1]

I wish I had found this page 2 weeks ago. I have actively been trying for a baby for 6 months and fell pregnant miss my period on 5th August. I had instant fear and regret, I had HG in my first pregnancy and went straight to abortion services and booked an appointment. I said nothing to anyone not even my husband. I was so sick straight away and lost continence almost straight away (this happened in my last pregnancy too). I was torn as I want a baby and am 39, I was happy and then in the depths of anxiety and depression instantly. I went through with a medical termination on the 14th. Now I feel nothing but regret, that I should have been stronger ect. The HG was so bad in my first pregnancy and just panicked. I have requested therapy, but now hormones have settled I want a baby again. Has anyone had an abortion due to anxiety and survived another pregnancy - age means time not on my side.

I’m so sorry that you went through this. You are not alone - I have been through the same nearly 9 months ago at the end of last year. I did not have HG, but suffered terribly with depression and anxiety with a palnned pregnancy (that took 7 months to conceive). I went back and forth so much and I didn’t know what to do. My heart was hesitating and not wanting me to go through it but my mind was consumed with so much negativity, i felt no connection to the pregnancy. I also pressured myself to rush it as soon as possible. I was 7 weeks at the time. Not sure why I just thought I coupd go back to living my old life afterwards, but the regret was pretty much instant when I truly realized what I had done. Before I went through with it, i felt so disconnected from the whole process… I am not sure how or why my brain was thinking that way. I was a broken mess ever since, have also been diagnosed with ptsd along with depression, ocd, andxiety… from the whole experience. I have been traumatized and will never be the same again. Though time has helped a lot, i have come to enjoy some of the small things in life as well as my two children that i am grateful for. I really try hard not to blame myself completely, because at the end of the day my mental health was suffering, i did what i thought was best at the time. I cant go back and change it, as much as i wish i could. I am also 38, and we decided to try again, I am very early on in a new pregnancy - i have engaged with a psychiatrist and perinatal mental health therapist to help me through it. I just need the extra support. I’m sorry for what you are going through because i very much understand that kind of mental hell. I would recommend speaking to a psychiatrist or therapist to help you if you decide to try again. There are medications for anxiety and depression that are safe in pregnancy. I am taking some medication myself and i think its helped me a lot mentally as well. Feel free to message me if you need any support or have questions.

Amazing thank you for replying - I have spoken to a gp who is on board with hg medication plans and is quite no nonsense. I am just waiting on a therapy appointment also as it’s clear I have PTSD. I just was so consumed by getting pregnant and the 360 turn around in me was so severe. I’m glad you feel more supported in this pregnancy and congratulations