I’m paralyzed with panic. Need advice.

[MyPearlOP]

Long story short: For a very long time, I was completely confident in being "One and Done" However, ongoing pressure from family and society started getting to me, making me feel guilty about my daughter being an only child. Over time, those external voices played mind games with me, and the idea began to seem somewhat "logical."

Since I’m 40, I foolishly assumed conceiving wouldn’t happen easily or quickly, so I honestly didn’t think it through thoroughly. We stopped using protection 4–5 months ago. Two weeks ago, I found out I’m pregnant. I’m currently at 6 weeks.

Ever since that positive test, my life feels completely turned upside down. Deep down, I have zero desire to be pregnant, zero desire for another baby, and zero desire for a life with two kids.

But at the same time, the idea of terminating the pregnancy terrifies me. I'm deeply afraid of experiencing trauma, long-term guilt, and regret if I go down that path.

It breaks my heart to admit this out loud, but if I were to have a natural miscarriage, I wouldn’t be sad—I would feel immense relief. Feeling this way makes me feel terrible, but I am entirely paralyzed by fear and confusion. I’m not enjoying life at all right now. Every scenario in my head leads to panic or dread.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Whether you chose to terminate or carry to term, how did you navigate these feelings? I would really appreciate any honest perspectives, personal stories, or advice.

it Sounds like you could maybe try reaching out to your midwife and access some free therapy to help you work through your feelings. As you are pregnant you would be put to the top of the list so the waiting time shouldn’t be too long. You have very high levels of hormones affecting your mood right now and extreme anxiety is a fairly common symptom of early pregnancy.
I was the same with all my 3 children, planned and very much wanted pregnancies but I had to have lots of therapy just to get through. I felt so guilty for bringing a new child into our already settled family but each baby has brought the family together and completed us even more than before. It’s a big change and at times very difficult but I definitely don’t regret anything and it makes me so happy seeing my children playing lovely together giggling and showing such kindness. Please reach out for support. You definitely aren’t alone in how you’re feeling but I think therapy could be a good help as it definitely worked for me. X

I am definitely considering therapy as I can't go through this whichever way I decide.
Part of me is telling me to act fast and end the pregnancy before things progress any further as a quick fix, but I know if I make this decision out of panic, I'll suffer from long-term depression. I don't feel even a shred of excitement or desire for a baby. Thinking about how thrilled, eager, and happy I was during my first pregnancy makes me feel like this situation is completely unfair to this baby

I terminated my pregnancy nearly 8 months ago out of panic, depression, anxiety - also rushed in my head to do it as soon as possible before it progressed. I’m on the other side now, and the mental fallout from this decision has been devastating. I didn’t function for months.. i keep replayig it all over and over with not much relief. The regret and guilt is something i think will stick with me for the rest of my life. I so wish i chose the other path, or that i sought some help from doctors or therapists before rushing it. But everyone is different, and some women do not feel regret and barely even think about it. Maybe picture your life 5-10 years from now, how would it look? Do you see another child in this future? Also making a pro/cons list and definitely talk to a professional beforehand as well. Just dont make a decision in a state of panic. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

I am really sorry you have gone through this situation…I have never imagined myself as a mother of multiple children so I am not sure what to feel at the moment. It feels right to think that my daughter would have a sibling but when I think about myself I just don't have any desire to be mother again. I am lost between the ifs and buts. What I am clear that I will have an instant relief once I am no longer pregnant but have no idea about afterwards😥

Definitely reach out to midwife and bpas and get a counselling appt. Try not to panic. You have time to work things through and make the best decision for you x

@HexedRaven hi hun I hope you are okay ? I made a very rushed decision and I suffered so badly mentally . I am two years since i had a termination and if not every day but every other day I think about it. I'm single about to turn 40 with no kids but maybe it's a bit diffrent for me. It's an incredibly huge decision and I found the panic tricks us and sends us into this crisis and not be ourselves . Your other little one will have a sibling and after the new baby go on contraception. I try to never ever tell a woman to keep or terminate as it's agonizing but I was compelled to write this . Sending you a big hug 🩷 xx

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sure you had done the right thing for yourself at that time although right decisions can hurt afterwards.
Somehow I feel also responsible for my first one while making this decision as it will significantly affect her life either in a good or bad way. I hope I can make the right decision for myself and my family. Thank you x

I was in a very very similar situation. Was happy being one and done, had a moment of indecision, had unprotected sex ONCE and bam, pregnant.

I had all the same feelings of anxiety and wished for a miscarriage to take the decision out of my hands.

I got the abortion pills and kept them until the very last day that a chemical abortion was possible, and ultimately it was my indecision and fear of regret that meant I never took them.

It's over a year on now. My second child is here and I love them, of course. There are days where it's hard and I do often think how much easier life would have been with one. But there are lots of moments of joy too of course, and for the most part I'm just getting on with things and am grateful for my family.

It's such a hard situation to be in and there's really no right or wrong answer. I wish I could give you better advice. But happy to chat if you need someone to listen.

@HexedRaven you will make the right decision . Be 100% sure what ever you decide and mind yourself hun 🩷

Hope you're OK. I've been thinking about you because I remember what a horrible agonising situation it was for me.

Oh lovely this is so sad - have you got any idea on which way you might be leaning now?

I think your ‘relief if you had a miscarriage’ speaks volumes about what your heart is telling you, but I can imagine the external stuff (other people’s stories, fear of regret etc) really coming in loudly too.

if you could guarantee you’d have no negative emotions after, what would you do?

I also think you’re giving yourself an unbessecarily hard time - you said about knowing you’d be depressed if you terminated. But what evidence is there for this?

Of course it’s not a nice experience but as someone who had one and has no regrets, I will say that sometimes people on these forums are keen to share horror stories and trauma and those of us who just had one and went ‘yep, that was the right choice’ we kind of just fade into the background.

My own personal belief (and yours may differ) is that every baby should be born being 100% wanted and cherished, and if you know that perhaps you didn’t truly want this; then maybe there’s your answer.

I would also say; don’t keep a baby out of fear of termination - keep a baby becuase it’s what you really want and don’t let society or anyone else’s experiences change that. I am sure if you did end up keeping this baby you would of course love it, but one of my mum friends says ‘one is an accessory and two is a lifestyle’ - there’s lots of ‘one and done’ communities online who preach this too!

Again, not for everyone but it sounds like you were feeling content with one.

I hope you come to the right decision for you and nobody else - becuase keeping pregnancy or terminating, as the mum it is you who will be most impacted whatever you choose so think carefully and please do what’s right for you, whatever your gut is saying is probably right 🥰

Thank you to everyone who responded to my thread and offered support. I felt like I needed to give you all an update.
Yesterday, I had a private scan just to see if this pregnancy was real and if everything was okay. I heard the baby’s heartbeat. From that exact moment, the thought of termination completely went away.
I know my hormones are playing tricks on me right now and making me feel every emotion at extremes, but I’ve also realized that my anxiety was taking over and guiding me down the wrong path. I think I’ve been catastrophizing every possible scenario and panicking.
As long as there are no medical issues, I’ve decided to continue with this pregnancy.
I know that once I collect myself, I’ll find the strength to overcome this too as I’ve always been a fighter—but first, I just need to have a good cry for a bit. :)

Thank you all so much for your support.

Really pleased you've made a decision you're comfortable with. I found a lot of my anxiety came from not knowing what to do, once the decision was made a weight was lifted (although of course you'll still have worries and doubts, that's totally normal).

Take care and be kind to yourself, pregnancy hormones and no joke!