Husband doesn't want me to go ahead with termination

[tootiefruitie6]

Hi there, this isn't my first post so apologies but I'd love some advice and to know peoples views. I recently found out I am pregnant which was a massive shock as our two children are both IVF babies. I have made the sad decision to end the pregnancy as our children are only 1 and 2 and I adore them but find it totally exhausting. Plus I have only just gone back to work and am enjoying it and feeling like I have a tiny bit of me back, especially after breastfeeding both for a year each. I am suffering bad morning sickness, and I had tough pregnancies and a very tough birth with my second child. And I have been left with some bladder issues. I just feel psychologically I can't go through it all again. And that I wouldn't manage three, especially with no family nearby and I just want to focus on the two amazing children I have. I will of course be sad to end it and I am scared of regret or guilt but I feel this is the best thing for me. However my husband is very against me ending it and really wants me to keep it. He feels it's a little miracle and that I should go ahead. We argued about it easier and he told me he would never forgive me if I end it and that I am a murderer and evil. Obviously this really upset me and has played on my mind a lot. I have tried to consider his view too but I just can't have a baby just for him and the idea of going through with it fills me with so much anxiety and panic. What would you do and am I a bad person if I go ahead against his wishes? Thanks

Having another baby with a man who calls you those names does not seem like a very good idea

peoplenon this thead dont seem to understand how hard some people fight for a few of those chances and how important those chances are.

People - women - also fought for agency over their own bodies. OP is not responsible for the reproductive opportunities of every other person on this planet

I do feel sad for your husband but at the end of the day he can't/doesn't have to carry and birth the baby,even if he were willing to take the maternity leave it's still you who has to do all the dangerous things.
You have children so you know what you'd be letting yourself in for and are making the best decision for you and the children you already have.

peoplenon this thead dont seem to understand how hard some people fight for a few of those chances and how important those chances are

And some people on this thread don’t seem to understand how hard women have fought, and continue to fight, for agency over their own bodies and their right for legal and safe abortions.

I don't disagree with that. But there are a lot of comments on here that men have no say. And I don't think that's fair or right.

And yes, he said those things but I was talking about the generalities of men's rights/reactions rather than actual this situation. Although to speak slightly in his defence, I can see how you would get so frustrated that you have absolutely no control over a life and death decision that could very well leave you feeling destroyed. Imagine if you were pregnant and someone deliberately aborted the baby against your will.

So although he absolutely shouldn't have used those words that will just make the op feel even more wretched than she already does, you can see how, totally wrong as it was, he could find himself saying these things to make her stop and give them time to talk it through. I'm sure he will regret it when he finally calms down and accepts there will be no baby.

Pregnancy and childbirth are life changing events for a woman and her body. Not so much for a man. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. This feels like one of those occasions. Be prepared for your marriage to not recover from this, but please be kind to yourself. Be a great mom to the 2 kids you have rather than a half-functioning mom to all 3. There is no need to sacrifice yourself for your husbands happiness here. But, please talk to him and try convincing him - encourage him to read up about all your risks and anxieties to at least get him to see your pov. Beyond that it's really your call.

@TheBitchOfTheVicar No she is not, she needs to do what is right for her. BUT if you read the OP her and her husbands other children are from IVF pregnancies that changes things and the emotions involved.

It doesn't make what her partner did ok. It does make it understandable. He really needs counseling not to be vilified

Ah the forced birthers are here. How utterly unsurprising.

OP it is your body and your choice. Your husband’s reaction would only have strengthened my resolve. I wouldn’t want another child with a man that calls me evil. I’ll bet he doesn’t do 50% of the day to day drudge either.

This, its ultimately your decision as it's your body but if your DH is so adamant against an abortion will he ever forgive you? Will your marriage survive a termination? My SiL had a termination and my BiL just couldn't live with it and they ended up divorcing. They had 2 little ones of 3 and 1. BiL was and still is a very hands on Dad. He has children every other week.

There are risks involved in childbirth particularly with close gaps between pregnancies. It's very sad that he is willing to treat you so callously.

@applepie20 yes absolutely, that is also true but I am not one of them

You paid to get two, now one comes along naturally, and you want to get rid? Thats odd to me

No. I wasn't referring to this situation. I was talking in generalities of men wanting to be involved in child-raising, eh the ops husband, rather than trying to force someone to have an abortion.
At no point did I say the op should have an abortion.

Actually the mother has the legal right on whether to have the baby or not. But the father should have input too. If I think of the father of my children, he wasn't just a sperm donor. There was no one prouder or happier than him about our children to be and the future he envisaged. He deserved just as much say as me over whether the baby was born or not. No one who has seen a father with their children or seen them suffer loss would think of them as a lesser parent.

Well maybe the real question is whether OP can or should forgive this bloke. I’d be getting rid of him.

Op I feel sad for you. You know how you feel and you must act on that. If you also want to keep your family unit. When you get your abortion I am just suggesting to try and be sensitive to your OHs loss and it is a loss.
If you aren't there is no way your relationship will survive it.
Even then it may not but that is not something that can factor into to your decision. You must not bring a child you don't want into this world

No they don’t? Most people say “I’m pregnant”. And if they said that it’d be incorrect.

Can’t these weirdo forced birthers GTFO of this thread. No one gives a shit. The Bible is also pro slavery and wants gay people killed but you conveniently cherry pick the parts that you do and don’t believe.

I had a surprise 3rd after IVF OP. We were told it would never happen naturally ( male factor infertility) so falling pregnant at 16m pp whilst still breastfeeding so hadn't had a period. He's 17 months now and the light of my life who i wouldnt be without but my god, the pregnancy and birth were the hardest things I've ever been through; I was certain we wouldn't both be coming home in all honesty.

DH and I have both agreed that if it were to ever happen again, we would terminate ( he's on the waiting list for a vasectomy)

Oh and maybe you should actually read your Bible as the Bible is pro abortion. Please explain the verse where a man is told to make his wife drink poison to make her miscarry if he believes she’s cheated?

https://reverbpress.com/religion/bible-supports-abortion/

Numbers 5:27 – “If she has made herself impure and been unfaithful to her husband, this will be the result: When she is made to drink the water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering, it will enter her, her abdomen will swell and her womb will miscarry, and she will become a curse.”

Earlier in Numbers, it’s stated that, if a man suspects his wife of sleeping with another man, he may bring her to a priest will create a potion with water and dirt. The woman is then made to drink said magic potion.

Some of them don’t have partners or children, they’ve got no fucking experience of pregnancy or birth or children, just their bible bullshit.

Theres nothing ‘Christian’ about not supporting a woman who is asking for help. They need to fuck off.

@PollyPeptide

• *"Imagine if you were pregnant and someone deliberately aborted the baby against your will" I may be going against the theme of this thread, but his happened regularly until very recently in China, under the 1 child policy. Also, the opposite happened in Romania under Ceaucescu, where mothers where forced to have so many children. OP, please speak to a professional asap, best wishes.

Well, we’ll have to agree to disagree, because I could never support the idea that a man deserves just as much say over whether a baby was born or not. I see my wonderful DH day in day out with my DC and he is just as much as an equal parent as me. But he has no say in my fertility choices or my body and never will.

As touched on in pp ask him if he is willing to be a sahd and you go back to work once you’re physically up to it.

sorry your going through this

I am so sorry you are in this position OP and im even more sorry your partner is pushing you to do something you mentally cannot handle. Rounds of IVF, difficult pregnancies and then a bladder issue and he is calling you a murderer and evil for taking back control of your body and life? It isnt the 1950's ffs. Even if you had two swimmingly easy pregnancies but decided for ANY reason you didnt want a third... he should respectfully give his input and support you in the final desicion.. since itll be a heavier burden for you to carry and back track your career all over again. Has he even thought about a plan to make it easier on you? Given you a compromise? Paternity leave and being a SAHD for all three if you had it, so you could work? Or has he just assumed you'd just have it, take care of three babies and if not, you're evil?

It isn't him carrying a child to term, going through agony and hell in the process, pushing that child out and then being the main carer (i am assuming you would be the main carer for three small children since you'll be the one on maternity leave and breastfeeding, not him) and he can royally fuck himself. Its all well and good for him, living his usual life and gushing over his miracle baby when his life will barely change.

Im so sorry, what an awful position to be in and i wish he would grow up and supress his own thoughts for just a second, to be the support you need right now.