URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

Help

All of the things you’ve described can wait or doable with a little baby in tow. And tbh sound pretty lame if you actually want kids.... apart from the career. But realistically you’ve got a mat leave job rather than a long standing one and with the pandemic, who knows what the future will hold for you job wise.

Be honest with yourself. If you don’t want children ever, there will never be a right time to be pregnant. But if you see yourself with children in the future, the right time to have a baby based on your fertility issues is now.

Having a chemical termination after more deliberation is far preferable to aborting now and never conceiving again. I had a few rounds of ivf to have dd after ttc for several years. I really wouldn’t recommend that route. It was awful and ruined my health.

have the baby of course. I can't believe u just want to give up the baby bacause of reasons listed above.

Pregnancy is anxiety provoking even when it is planned. If you are at all unsure I would delay and get urgent counselling to talk it through.

The narrative that they hamper your life to the extent that you're worried about is just not necessarily true.

You’re saying having a baby doesn’t hamper your life that much? Really?
Of course it does! EVERYTHING changes when you have a baby.

If you definitely want children in the future, and you've been told it could be difficult or impossible to conceive, I think you'd have to be mad to abort a healthy pregnancy on the basis that you want to travel more. Especially when we are under travel restrictions for the foreseeable future.

How will you feel if you abort now then you are unable to conceive again when timing is better?

Might your husband resent your decision? Although it's absolutely your body and your choice, don't underestimate how much it could affect him and your relationship especially if you don't fall pregnant again.

You need to delay the procedure and take more time to think. You seem to be rushing, and although a surgical procedure isn't ideal in comparison to taking a tablet, it's a big decision that deserves more time abs thought.

I would also like to add that while children definitely make things like travel and house moves more complicated, it doesn't mean it will be awful.P

Have the baby. You can still do all those things. This may be your only chance. And your husband's.
The fact you have started 2 threads in MN speaks volumes.

I get things are tough with work, but re travelling you can still do this with a baby, it just needs a bit more planning.
If you do definitely want children i would at least postpone the procedure for now and think a bit more as this might be your only chance.
Good luck in whatever you decide

I am scared add in the fact I'm on a temp job because of redundancy and I'm worried about money aswel. Husband says have baby then 6 weeks later find a new job, it's just not that easy. I think I do want kids in the future just under better circumstances and it should be a happy time. I'm also worried due to my fertility issues will I be able to conceive again.
My whole life would change where as husband would not that much. Men get the easy part

I would keep the baby. Life will change for you but you will adapt . Sounds like you are in a stable relations and have the support of your family. Timing might not be great but things normally do work out.

You have the rest of your life to travel, having a child does not stop you either, we travelled with our first son at 18 months, had a bit of a break going to France for a number of years when we had two but then took second son to brazil, costa rica, Nepal, California, Africa and other places in his early teens. Just before lockdown i retired and we did a two month trek around SE Asia returning in march as Covid impact hit. We have friends with two young kids who travel somewhere every year on wildlife trips, they have been all over-the world and are not teens yet so don't assume life is over with a child, its so great to see them learn from their travels. At 30 you may not get another chance so think it through carefully, as a pp said there is never the right time to have a baby.

How much of the actual work of having a baby/child is your husband prepared to do? Have you talked about this? Your last post suggests that it may not be much.

I agree with some PPs that your heart doesn't really sound to be in it. That's fine - and I do think other posters need to be careful about railroading someone who doesn't really want it into motherhood because that's what they chose, or they adhere to that expectation of other women - but it's very important you are honest with yourself and your dh.

If you're in a temp job and scared of redundancy how do you expect to do all this travelling in the next 18 months anyway????

Yes it easier for men but that's just a fact
Of life and isn't going to change anytime soon. But to be honest with you only being in temporary work it makes sense for you to do more of the child raising anyway in the short to medium term

Was either pregnancy (this or the ectopic) planned? I'm just wondering if children were on the cards and this is just cold feet?

If you want kids then I think you should continue with this pregnancy.

However I think you should spend today thinking about whether or not you truly do want children? Many women just have them as it has been an expectation on them their entire life. You don't sound convinced!

If you do have this baby. When your child is starting secondary school you will still have another 25 years of working life until you can claim your pension, that is more than twice the time you have already had. Use this time to grow your career and buy a new house.

The frustrating thing is the temp job I start in Jan (covering maternity leave) it's a massive well known company and they said before I told them I was pregnant that they had a plan to offer me a permanent job for someone who is due to leave in September. Now I'm pregnant that won't happen. Travel would happen without the baby, we would have more money saved and even after temp job I'd find another one to fund travel. I'm not 100% sure what Id be entitled to if we kept the baby maternity pay wise if I'm in a temp job. If it's 6weeks full pay then stat I dnt think we could survive and I'd have to go find a new job after 6 weeks of birth.
Everything seems a mess 😢

If you think you would like a child eventually, then this may be your only chance. I had a damaged tube so took years to get pregnant. Sadly I had to have a termination as our baby was incompatible with life. I had the termination knowing that I would probably not fall pregnant naturally ever again and I didn't. We tried for another couple of years before going for IVF. You say the timing isn't great but then there is never the perfect time.

However, if you think a child isn't for you, then it's your choice. Your marriage may not survive if your husband does want a child.
Its a very difficult decision ahead. Its probably the biggest decision you'll ever have to make

This pregnancy wasn't planned as we got told the chances of kids after eptopic wer slim and I think I came to terms with that and that's why I'm feeling this way now

30 is a very good age to have a baby.

Having a baby is nerve wracking and life changing whenever you do it. Which are you more likely to regret - a couple of missed holidays or possibly not ever having a child?

I don't think I could put travel ahead of a child. Especially if I wanted children.
The job situation isn't ideal but you can make things work if you want too.
I can't help but feel like you will regret it if you go ahead.
Good luck whatever you decide x

Ps: they are not babies for long!! When I had my first child I could not work for a few years and relied on my husband to support us, money was extremely tight, I felt like my whole life had been taken away from me at that point as I did not feel ready for the baby. I was very young and wanted to study, build a career and travel the world too! However, with the support of people around me, I have now a degree and a very good career. It was very tough to achieve but I survived My children are now teenagers and are my world, we have traveled extensively in the last few years exploring the world together making a lot of memories. This crisis will pass and difficult situations will work themselves out for you.

I don’t think anyone on the internet can answer this one for you.
However, you are 30, one tube, been told pregnancy chances are slim...
I think I’d worry about the finances later, a lot can change in 7 months.
Good luck OP. Whatever decision you come to I hope you are happy.
X

My son has been on 19 flights before his 2y bday. This has stopped because of COVID otherwise he’d have been to Italy Spain Northern Ireland and Japan this year. I’m saying this because it’s not black or white with kids.

However , this is not a decision you can take because some strangers tell you what to do on a forum. I do agree of delaying it if unsure and do it if you think a baby would change your life so much you’d not be able to cope