URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

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*in most happy relationships

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/other_subjects/127763-travelling-around-the-world-with-a-toddler-good-idea

Wondering if you can have your cake and eat it?

I’m pro-choice, but given you’re pregnant against the odds, and that you do want a baby in two years time, I wouldn’t abort. Bali, Thailand and America will always be there. This might be your only chance to have a baby.

Do you think it's cold feet? It's normally to feel scared at such a potential life change.

Was the pregnancy planned? Or were you lapse with contraceptive as you thought it would be difficult/impossible to conceive?

You can still travel and have a career with children. It's even easier with just the one.

I'd delay and give yourself more time to think about it and discuss it with your husband. It might be that there's a bigger conversation to be had been you about what you want your futures to look like, both individually and together.

I'd also be realistic about how much travelling you're likely to be doing whilst covid is going on too.

I think 30 is a great age to have a baby. You've got your career established so it's easy to take a year out and go back in at the same level. You're also still quite young so once your child has grown up and left home to still be able to do what you want with your life.

I had a termination in 2015 and it's my biggest regret, despite being so ill with Hyperemesis that I couldn't care for my then under 1 year old and absolutely NONE of the anti sickness meds working. I had just split from the Dad who lived 70 miles away and so was facing entire pregnancy in & out of hospital which meant quite literally nobody to care for my DD. Her Dad wouldn't. I have no family who were able to take her.
It was the hardest decision I've ever made but even with all the above mitigating circumstances and the fact that I'm disabled too, so would've struggled with not just one, but two children under 2, I still regret it like crazy.

Think about it like this - What price are you paying just for two years travelling???

I had mine mid-late twenties and it's great getting it out of the way while you're young. Life seemed to open up again mid 30s

*I had my kids that is

What you have written on your other thread is actually a bit more honest? You said yourself you are selfish?

This sounds less of a case of not wanting this baby at this moment and more like you don't ever want a child.

In which case it's best to be honest with your husband - it's fine for you not to want a child but it's also fine for him to want one and therefore you should be prepared that this ends your marriage

Please delay your decision as you are clearly uncertain and this might be your only chance to conceive.

Don't have the baby if you don't want it.
You are free to choose what's best for you, but you need to be honest with your husband so he too can make decisions that are best for him.

@Lostinlife89

We had a wonderful family member who had this dilemma

She travelled widely, but had no DH

She had a termination, but that was her chance at parenthood gone for ever. {Age}

Did she regret it?

In later years, Mum said she really did.

Tragically she died far too young, but the lack of a child really hurt in later years.

Not an easy call...Buy time. Good luck!

The fact you're even questioning it means you're not ready to terminate. If you were, you'd have no question it's the right thing to do. It's one thing deciding to wait to have a baby after you've travelled and done all the things you want to do, it's another thing actively aborting a baby because of those things.

We went to Thailand with a 6m old, the Maldives with an almost 1 year old and Bali / Indonesia with a 15 month old. They were the best holidays of our lives!

@ivfbeenbusy

What you have written on your other thread is actually a bit more honest? You said yourself you are selfish?

This sounds less of a case of not wanting this baby at this moment and more like you don't ever want a child.

In which case it's best to be honest with your husband - it's fine for you not to want a child but it's also fine for him to want one and therefore you should be prepared that this ends your marriage

This.

If your husband wants a child, he should be free to find a partner who does want a DC.

It can be a reason for divorce..A chap I know ended his marriage as his wife absolutely does not want DC.

Had she told him this before marriage, it would never have gone ahead.

If I was you I would have the baby.
Not wanting it for travel reasons does seem to me selfish. Sorry.

I had my children in my early 20s and by my early 30s was taking them on long haul trips and shorter closer to home trips. It has been a blast to travel with them and share those experiences. Having kids does not mean the end of traveling.

But I am not you so only you can decide but think very long and hard as you seem to have major doubts.

Very few people regret having a child but many regret a termination.

Hope you’re ok. I had a termination and regretted it. I was married and wanted to advance my career and I also had another two children at home.

I regretted it. My marriage struggled and we are now divorced. My head went completely and I started making really awful decisions which I now have to deal with for the rest of my life x

Haven't read the replies, just your posts OP. Do you actually want a child? I don't mean now...ever? I just get the impression that it's something you feel is expected of you but that doesn't actually appeal to you? That's totally valid, but if it's the case, be honest with yourself and your DH. Don't make out to him that things will be different in a couple of years if they won't. There's nothing wrong with not wanting children, but if you do want them in the future, I think you should delay your appointment until you're sure that you're making the right choice. Traveling with a child is totally feasible.

THIS....Kids are flexible...What a childhood!

Look at the little kids on that heeling ship as they round Cape Horn...

If you never want DC then you should go ahead and be honest with your DH.

If however you want DC in the future then you should see this as a gift not to be given away. You may never get the chance again. Putting off having a family until later may mean that you can't do the things you want to do when you are in your 40s and 50s. You can travel at any age. You cannot have a baby at any age.

Do you want a child? Nothing wrong with not wanting a child, but would be prudent to let your husband know.

If you do want a child, when would you ideally want one.

There is no guarantee that travel to multiple destinations will happen anytime soon.

Likewise the buying of a second property may not happen.

As other have said pregnancy is not guaranteed in the future. It could mean expensive rounds of IVF.

If your plans include having a child in the next few years I would rethink an abortion.

I think you need a bit more time to really think this through. What if this was your very last chance? What if in 2 years you couldn't conceive again, would you be content with never having a child of your own? That's the main question to ask yourself and if you can answer it confidently then make your choice based on that alone. Travelling the world will always be waiting and babies are very transportable when very young, you could still do it all and be a mum.

Do you want a baby, which grows into a toddler then a school age child and eventually a teenager or do you want the life you have?

If you are actually unsure about whether you want to have this baby now, then cancel the procedure and think about it more. But it sounds like you don't want a baby now (and maybe not really at all?). Don't base your decision on what your husband wants. A baby needs both parents to be on side, not one on side and the other just doing it to keep their partner happy.

Many people will have been in your situation and made each decision and some of each will look back on it and think it was the right decision and some of each will look back and think it was the wrong decision. You can't know the future, you can only make the best decision at the time.

My friend has a severely autistic son and has travelled all over the world with him. On foot, by bus. My childhood was spent travelling g all over the world. There is no reason a child should hold you back at all. They just add to the adventure. I've also travelled widely with my son, Asia, all over Europe and we've lived abroad to. It was wonderful doing it with him because he had so much wonder. Children don't have to hold you back and even though I was a single mum zi never regret having my son.

Do YOU want a baby? If not then end the pregnancy. Do not do it to make your husband happy.
Having a baby is the biggest life change anyone can go through. Nothing is about you any more, the baby is the priority. Is that want you want?
Yes you can take a baby on holiday, but it’s 100% different. Crying on the plane, all the extra stuff you have to bring, no chilling by the pool, no leisurely day-trips, no drunken nights out, tantrums, everything done according to the babies/toddlers routine.
You aren’t selfish for wanting to enjoy your life and freedom. I’d say it’s more selfish to bring a child into the world that you don’t want.

In your position, especially given your uncertainty and the possibility that it might be difficult to conceive later, I would have the baby. The narrative that they hamper your life to the extent that you're worried about is just not necessarily true. Especially with one little one. Instead of thinking about all the things that might be taken away would it be useful to think about what the baby might add to your life? I'd hate to be in this position, with a deadline hanging over me like this. I hope it all works out the best way for you