URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

Help

That said, a general debate on it probably isn’t appropriate for this particular thread.

@Mummyoflittledragon

You’ve probably gone through with the abortion by now. You sound pretty immature and short sighted if you think you won’t regret this in a couple of years if you can’t conceive. This could be the end of your marriage. And tbh I think you should also be ready to let your dh go. Aborting what may well be his only change at fatherhood seems pretty cruel. I’m not advocating keeping the baby for him. But that you could give such flippant reasons for getting rid of a foetus when your dh really wants children shows you’re not as compatible as you think - as someone mentioned earlier.

Totally unnecessary comment.

@UsedUpUsername if someone has an abortion because it’s a boy then that is up to them. I do not agree with or condone it, but at the end of the day it is their body and choice. And I would support them in that decision. Because to not believe a woman has utmost control of her own body is a fate worse than death.

Whatever reason. That is what body autonomy is all about. Whether you agree with it or not.

@Mummyoflittledragon

You’ve probably gone through with the abortion by now. You sound pretty immature and short sighted if you think you won’t regret this in a couple of years if you can’t conceive. This could be the end of your marriage. And tbh I think you should also be ready to let your dh go. Aborting what may well be his only change at fatherhood seems pretty cruel. I’m not advocating keeping the baby for him. But that you could give such flippant reasons for getting rid of a foetus when your dh really wants children shows you’re not as compatible as you think - as someone mentioned earlier.

That’s incredibly nasty and baseless.

if someone has an abortion because it’s a boy then that is up to them. I do not agree with or condone it, but at the end of the day it is their body and choice

That’s the point. You don’t have to agree with anyone’s reasoning for it. You should be able to say to them ‘this is a bad idea for X, Y, Z reason’.

Telling them ‘ur body ur choice’ actually isn’t terribly helpful when they are genuinely asking for an opinion.

Gently pointing out this could well be the only chance for OP to have a baby is actually doing her a solid; she seems a bit too optimistic about the chances of conception two years or so from now, given her medical history.

It’s pertinent information that will help inform her decision.

@UsedUpUsername you missed the part where I said I would support their decision. For whatever reason.

You can’t pick and choose which bits to quote to make your argument sounder.

[quote Ostryga]@UsedUpUsername if someone has an abortion because it’s a boy then that is up to them. I do not agree with or condone it, but at the end of the day it is their body and choice. And I would support them in that decision. Because to not believe a woman has utmost control of her own body is a fate worse than death.

Whatever reason. That is what body autonomy is all about. Whether you agree with it or not.[/quote]
The irony is that women who chose to abort a baby based purely on its sex as a general observation come from countries where perhaps female bodily autonomy and liberation isn’t what you’d have it to be.

Just saying

Hope you are okay op with what ever you decided

[quote Ostryga]@UsedUpUsername you missed the part where I said I would support their decision. For whatever reason.

You can’t pick and choose which bits to quote to make your argument sounder.[/quote]
With specific regard to this individual poster and her quandary .....it’s really not about supporting a woman and not judging her it’s about sharing viewpoints. This woman will do what she wants to do anyway
The question is whether she is being honest with herself and in seeking out others’ lived experiences some of us fear she is not.

Millions of women wrestle with the dilemma the OP is and in this country it’s not always anything to do with misogyny or female suppression but rather the challenges, opportunities and responsibilities given to an bodily independent woman when she becomes pregnant and is unsure of whether to keep the baby

@Mummyoflittledragon

You’ve probably gone through with the abortion by now. You sound pretty immature and short sighted if you think you won’t regret this in a couple of years if you can’t conceive. This could be the end of your marriage. And tbh I think you should also be ready to let your dh go. Aborting what may well be his only change at fatherhood seems pretty cruel. I’m not advocating keeping the baby for him. But that you could give such flippant reasons for getting rid of a foetus when your dh really wants children shows you’re not as compatible as you think - as someone mentioned earlier.

Good grief was this necessary? Regardless of her reasons the OP is obviously finding this hard.

@lostinlife89 I have read your posts and my impression is that you thought you wouldn't be having children so you've adapted to the idea and are enjoying a way of life with travel etc without too much heartache. Children were no longer in your plan. You make a vague statement that 'in say two years time' you may feel differently about a pregnancy.

So I don't read what you have said as a dilemma of 'wrong timing'. I think it's a question of whether you want to do it - ever. Do you really see yourself in 'say two years time' feeling differently to how you seem to feel now? Even though your circumstances really won't be that different in any major way.

Given that you are actually pregnant now and another pregnancy may be unlikely I think that's what you need to decide. Do you decide to go for it and have the baby? Or let your husband know you don't want this because you do not see children in the picture anymore? Forget about the hypothetical of in 'say two years time' - I think that's a red herring.

a lot of ‘pro choice’ women here who say they are but when it comes down to it...aren’t. A woman can have an abortion for ANY reason including reasons that only make sense to her

@rookgizzardpie

a lot of ‘pro choice’ women here who say they are but when it comes down to it...aren’t. A woman can have an abortion for ANY reason including reasons that only make sense to her

Well, yes, because people seek to classify themselves as one or the other and tend to use a 'best fit' principle. So, the 'pro life' camp will have some who believe abortion is absolutely unacceptable under all circumstances. Then you'll get some who think it's acceptable if continuing the pregnancy would put the mother's life at risk, some who'd think it's acceptable for a raped child to abort a baby that results from that rape, some who think it's acceptable if the baby has a condition that is incompatible with life outside the womb... Likewise, you get 'pro choice' people who think that abortion is always acceptable, even if labour has begun on a full term healthy pregnancy, and those who think it's not acceptable at full term, or in the third trimester unless for medical reasons etc. I think generally people use, 'pro choice' to mean, 'not ideologically opposed to abortion in principle'.

There are better places for this discussion though.

Yes hope you’re ok whatever you decided. Be kind to yourself

@rookgizzardpie

a lot of ‘pro choice’ women here who say they are but when it comes down to it...aren’t. A woman can have an abortion for ANY reason including reasons that only make sense to her

Yes of course she can. But the point is here - and what she was worried about - that what might seem like ok reasons to her now for abortion, might change after she's terminated, especially if she can't get pregnant again. And she's worried about terminating a child her husband desperately wants.

It's not as simple as all that.

@rookgizzardpie

a lot of ‘pro choice’ women here who say they are but when it comes down to it...aren’t. A woman can have an abortion for ANY reason including reasons that only make sense to her

You’ve spectacularly missed the point of the OP starting this thread More interested in sharing your own political views and moral assessments like other posters here.

The OP had a choice
It’s her choice at the end of the day
As it happens she is conflicted

Whatever she does or doesn’t do, nobody is actually disputing the glaringly obvious point you and certain other posters seem to think we need telling. We don’t.

@Lostinlife89.
I hope you are well.
I’ve been looking through mumsnet at this sort of post. I was in a similar sort of position this year and I terminated - right or wrong. I’m still unsure to be honest.

What did you eventually decide?