URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

Help

This is a long shot but I'm pretty desperate right now and so lost.
I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband is over the moon to say the least. We had an eptopic pregnancy previously where I lost my tube so since then we have been told conception would be difficult if not impossible.
I love my life, we travel all over the world alot with stil alot more of the world I want to see and accomplish more things in my life.
I have a great career based job and so does my husband but I have recently been made redundant due to covid with a new job lined up in January (covering maternity how ironic) so my job situation isn't great right now.
I have a termination booked in for tomorrow. I already feel guilty not for my own sake but my husbands. He supports me no matter what but he's said a few times how can you go through with the termination knowing we could potentially not conceive again.
I feel like its not the right time with my job and so much more I want to do in life. I'm being selfish I know but feel like my life would be over if we keep it and I would only be doing it to please our family and my husband.
Help! Am I doing the right thing?????

I have responded on the other thread you made.

Ring and delay. Buy yourself some time.

You don't say your age, your chances of falling pregnant have already been halved. Travelling at this moment in time is fairly non existent, or at least with restrictions. However, no one can make this decision but you, you are already doubting yourself. Your DH has voiced his concerns, could an abortion cause irreparable damage to your relationship? The job situ is neither here nor there. In your shoes I would have the baby, but I'm not in your shoes.

In my shoes I wouldn't do it either.

I mean I would have the baby. Sorry you're going through this.

Decisions like this are tough and the important thing to understand is that there does not exist any choice which will result in zero hurt and regret. Whatever path you take you will find your thoughts dwell from time to time on the paths not taken. Therefore you need to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for the pain and regret of whichever path you do choose, freeing yourself from second-guessing your decision. The choice you make is the best choice - when every step is going to be painful it is vital that the direction you take is fully and wholly your own free choice.

There is nothing wrong with your reasons for choosing termination. Your DH sounds awful tbh and if he continues pushing for you to change your mind then your relationship may be doomed, but hopefully he will give his head a wobble and stop being such a git.

There is never a right time to have a baby. It’s one of those things.

Having a baby is a different journey to the one you had planned. Both are amazing experiences in their own right.

I suspect you might be thinking of all the negative things around having a baby rather then the positive things though.

What sort of thing did you want to achieve? Where did you want to travel? Are they achievable with a little one in tow?

I'm 30, old enough to settle down but I stil feel young enough to see more of the world and experience carefree life. We had plans to buy another house ect and I know that sounds silly but lil things like not being able to do that or travel in the near future make me sad. My relationship is strong and pretty sure this wouldn't cause a drift but the only reason I would keep it is to make him happy. I'm so so lost. I can't delay tomorrow as after 11 weeks they have told me id have to have a sergical termination if I don't go through with tomorrow.

I think if you are unsure best delay making the decision for a couple of weeks.

Have a surgical termination later instead if needed. It’s not ideal but straightforward

One child doesn't mean you'll never be able to buy another house or not travel.

You'll still be able to do these things and more.

I'd have the baby. One baby still allows you to do so much. You're at a great age.

Please delay, there is nothing worse than time pressure pushing a life changing decision.

Personally I wouldn’t make my decision based on the responses of a bunch of strangers on the internet. However, as you have, I’m going to say that I personally wouldn’t abort as a job just couldn’t come above a baby especially as you’ve been told it’s potentially hard to conceive. Good luck with your decision.

Op I really feel for you. You must feel very stressed trying to make the right decision. where would you like to travel? Could you buy another house with a baby in tow?

I’m sure if you google travel with baby and the place name lots of info will appear around practicalities

I am thinking of all the negative things about having a baby because tbh without sounding dramatic I feel like I'd be giving up everything right now, my freedom, body, mind, career that I've worked so hard to achieve. We planned on Bali, Thailand and more of America within the next 18 months (obv if covid let's us) another house and just to be happy and married together was my future plan.
My husband says what's diff to having a baby now or in 2 years like I plan and it's the travel and life experience that would always be in the back of my mind as resentment if we had the baby.
I'm seriously confused and running out of time

One baby is much more transportable and adaptable then two or three.

the only reason I would keep it is to make him happy

I think you need to give yourself permission to do what's right for you. I know it's such an emotive and difficult thing, but if you choose to become a parent it should be because it's what you want, not for anyone else.

This is NOT a decision to be taken lightly, or to go ahead with while you are not sure, ring and delay.

There is no right time to have a baby, you may have a lot of plans but you also need to consider how this affect your relationship especially if after 11 weeks your OH had got enthusiastic about the idea.

Ultimately is your body but do not underestimate the effect this can have in your future and relationship.

Ps. The destinations you mention are perfectly doable with a baby on tow. DS had visited 12 countries before his 3rd birthday. I did a good chunk of that travel on my own with baby/toddler.

Now, the career certainly took a hit...

I'd have the baby. One baby is easily managed with a husband that's willing to pull his weight. My career improved after having DC as my time management skills improved immeasurably. I was also more emotionally intelligent. One child will not ruin your dreams or stop you from travelling

You can do whatever you want. The fact that you are posting here at this point means you are not comfortable with termination right now. So don’t do it.
I had a surgical. Didn’t even blink. Has never bothered me. But I wasn’t 30 and married to a man who wants children. That’s a weird position to be in and considering abortion.
I think if you want different things out of life it’s better to terminate and move on and allow him to find someone who wants the things he does.
(I’m not sure why buying a house or travel is out of the question with a child - we were living overseas when my first was born and babies are very portable - if you breastfeed they are basically carry-on luggage 😬)
The job you have is only mat cover so really now would be ideal - it will be years before you have enough time in a permanent role to qualify for mat pay.
That said - babies aren’t the law. If you don’t want a family, get the termination and explain to dh. You both want different things out of life. It happens. And then go take the mat cover job and keep your fingers crossed that travel opens up again and it will maybe lead to a permanent role.
Lives do change with children. But anything is possible if you want it to be. The job thing is a complete red herring - it’s a non question. The only question is, do you want a family. Yes. No. It’s a very big decision, but both answers are fine.

If you have the termination and then were unable to conceive again, would you still be happy with your decision looking back in 10/20/30 years time?
Travel etc is wonderful, but I'd question whether you'll think it was worth it if you aren't able to get another chance of having a baby.

Both are amazing. Having a baby and travel. I’ve googled some websites

travelmadmum.com/bali-with-a-baby/

www.lonelyplanet.com/thorntree/forums/kids-to-go/topics/south-america-with-a-baby

Personally I wouldn't. I had an ectopic...then another....took 5 rounds of IVF and £35k to get pregnant again. Your husband could be right in that you may not conceive again. Your marriage may also not survive that. I know it's your body your choice and all that but you are married and in a stable relationship which is a much better situation than most people have who consider termination.

Those countries will still be there after you've had kids. Your fertility won't. As for career you said yourself you were made redundant and only have a job covering maternity so you won't exactly be giving up a long standing job.....

I'd also think it would cause a rift or unresolved resentment in the future most happy relationships if you do this and cannot conceive again.